AIBU to refuse sister-in-law's request?

[Petal02]

I'm having an operation first week in September. I've been told I'll be pretty immobile for 4-6 weeks afterwards.

Today, DH's sister has asked if she can come and stay for a long weekend, she wants to arrive 24 hrs after I've been discharged. To be fair, she doesn't know about my op yet. But she also wants to bring my FIL with her. He's a lovely chap, but he's in his 90s and has Alzheimer's. in addition to this, DH's son stays with us a couple of nights per week, so heaven knows where we'd put everyone, even if I were going to be fully fit.

But AIBU to want them to come some other time, rather than 24 hrs after surgery? DH and I will have enough to cope with as it is. I haven't had chance to discuss this with DH yet, will broach the subject when he's back from work.

Of course YANBU and I'm sure if your SIL knew you'd only have been out of hospital 24 hours post op she wouldn't have asked.

Tell her about your operation and that you wont be feeling well enough for visitors.
I hope she would understand and make other arrangements.

Good god no, you'll need to recover, not worry about guests.

YABU- if she doesn't know, how on earth is she expected to realise that it's a bad time?

You can't ask aibu when your sil doesn't even know about the op!

No you are not being unreasonable, and I'm sure your SIL won't think that either when you tell her about the op.

I just feel a bit bad saying no, without offering an alternative date for at least 6 weeks. And even if I weren't having the op, having FIL to stay would terrify me, as he needs round-the-clock supervision, (which he's had for several years now) and whilst SIL's intentions are good, I don't think she's thought it through.

OP hasn't said her SIL should know it's a bad time.

I don't think she's implying the SIL is being unreasonable to want to visit, she's just asking if she herself is being unreasonable to say no because of the bad timing.

Of course you cannot have houseguests the day after being discharged after having an operation.
Yanbu to say no. Yabu to even need to ask.

Your sil will not want to impose anyway.

Say no.
Tell her about the op.
She won't want to come anyway.
Problem solved.

Does she have sole care of her father? That would be awfully hard. Not saying they should stay with you, because I don't think they should, but it must be very hard on her.

Could they come the week before your op instead??

Why haven't you told them about the op OP?

Anyway, i honestly think that your SIL isn't doing her father any favours by bringing him along, he may well panic out of his immediate environment. My dad had alzheimers and he would have been panic stricken away from his home environment, even when that home environment was a care home.

Is your SIL getting support with looking after him?

FIL lives in a really nice nursing home and we're very happy with the care he receives. So it's two issues really - we're not convinced he should be taken away from his usual surroundings as we certainly can't replicate his ''normal" care, and bad timing.

In fact DH had just got home and stated he's not happy for him to be moved, irrespective of my surgery. Sorry, this thread has rather changed direction!

Petal - you are right, he shouldnt be moved, it will be distressing for him and everyone else. With the best will in the world, it woudlnt be the right thing to do.

I really would say that you will be post-surgery and not likely to be up for visitors and suggest an alternative date, im sure your SIL will understand.

YANBU to not want guests when you have just had surgery, or in the recovery period. Just tell SIL that you can't accommodate guests in this time, any reasonable person would understand.

Is it possible she thinks it would be a nice break for FIL or something? (That's wrt to the moving him from the home, not coming when you are having an op).

she thinks it will be a nice holiday for her dad - it wont - he will be worried and confused and it will really hard work

sorry, buts its true. it might even have a long term negative impact on him, like when people are forced to move home.

so even without the operation (and of course YANBU about that, rest and get well!) it is not a good idea so please talk to her about it asap