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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my mil to put 11mo on a sofa bed to sleep?

37 replies

Wertrude · 16/08/2013 13:20

She insists on putting him to sleep for his nap when I visit, which I oblige to. But then sometimes plonks him on the sofa bed that's downstairs (other grandchildren use it when they stay over). She's with him most of the time but does wander off to 'get things done'. Her argument is that she listens out for him.

He has only been walking for a few weeks now and when he's half asleep he can crawl off our mattress at home (it's on the floor as we co sleep) without even making a sound. So I know he could so it there and fall off the sofa bed. Admittedly it's not a very big fall to the floor but I just don't feel comfortable with it.

Just had yet another run in with her regarding this and she said if I trust her to look after my son I should let her do things her way. I argued that ultimately I am his mother, regardless of whether I trust her or not, and I basically want it done my way, which was to place him on a makeshift bed I'd made on the floor. That way, no one has to be constantly there watching him. Also I would have happily stayed with him myself but I had to go to an appointment today.

I do give her free rein over pretty much everything else when she's with him, but felt too strongly about this to let it go.

AIBU? And am I overreacting re: the sofa bed?

OP posts:
Feminine · 16/08/2013 13:22

No you are not overreacting.

Not at all.

He is still young enough to get his head jammed in the workings.

I'm assuming its not one that just rolls out though, if so..I'd be alright with that. If she keeps an eye.

EST0106 · 16/08/2013 13:25

But wouldn't he just crawl off the makeshift bed on the floor unless she sat with him, which does seem a bit u.
I understand your point about him not wanting to fall out but it won't be long before he can get himself off safely and then be off. Would you expect your mil to sit with him whilst he's napping?
What about a travel cot?

Original poster
Wertrude · 16/08/2013 13:25

Thanks for your reply. No it's a rickety, creaky old thing and the workings are exposed underneath. How can she not see its really unsafe??

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 16/08/2013 13:28

Don't leave him there then!

Original poster
Wertrude · 16/08/2013 13:28

That's the thing EST, she has got a travel cot but refuses to use it! I've offered to bring it down and set it up for her as she thinks its a 'pain' to use.

Good point about him crawling off the makeshift bed on the floor, but I thought it was a safer alternative than the sofa bed.

OP posts:
thebody · 16/08/2013 13:28

if you don't trust her to look after him safely then don't leave him with her. simple.

cathpip · 16/08/2013 13:29

A little bit IMO, a folded up duvet on the floor works just as well and it's what I normally do if no cot is available. If your mum is looking after your dc so you can have time for appointments etc, I would pick your battles and this isn't one of them. Don't upset the free childcare!!

Feminine · 16/08/2013 13:30

No, then wer you will have to find a way of changing this.

Maybe like es suggested introduce a travel cot? that way you can sell it as more of a play-pen.

The likely hood is that he will be fine, but I wouldn't want mine to sleep that way either. :)

Original poster
Wertrude · 16/08/2013 13:30

LEM I have no one else to look after him when I have to go somewhere without him. Otherwise I'm always there with him and I don't expect my mil to just sit there with him while he sleeps, hence the suggestions of other sleeping arrangements, but she just insists on that sofa bed. Bit bizarre.

OP posts:
Fakebook · 16/08/2013 13:31

I think you're overreacting. I used to leave both my babies at that age on the bed with cushions and pillows surrounding them upstairs asleep and they were fine. Infact I'd say a sofa bed downstairs is safer than a bed upstairs. Ask her to put a few cushions around him or something.

EST0106 · 16/08/2013 13:32

Well now I know the sofa bed is rickety etc you are definitely not being u! Does she look after him regularly? If so perhaps you could set up the travel cot before you leave him to save her the job, at least it wold rule out that excuse!
My DD 2.2 and I wouldn't put her on a sofa bed to nap, mainly because she'd keep getting up and not nap, I like her confined, yes she's still in a cot!

Quangle · 16/08/2013 13:32

I see your point re the workings sort of - you hear horror stories about children getting trapped and whatnot but he's not going to be able to move anything so I doubt he's more in danger out of it and tinkering with it than he is actually in it. Can't you just get a cheapo travel cot for her?

CreatureRetorts · 16/08/2013 13:34

Fakebook, cushions around a baby is, quite frankly, a dangerous thing to do.

And people can look after children but make the odd silly judgment, doesn't mean you should blithely accept that it's fine. You ask them to do it differently. Eg grandparents insisting on using old battered car seats or none at all for example.

CreatureRetorts · 16/08/2013 13:35

What about using the pushchair for naps?

Original poster
Wertrude · 16/08/2013 13:35

Cath, that was the makeshift bed I made - a rolled up duvet on the floor. But she has an issue with her darling grandson sleeping on the floor, as if its beneath him.

Point taken about cot bed everyone- I should just get the bloody thing out and insist he goes in it. Don't know why she's got such an issue with it though.

OP posts:
Fakebook · 16/08/2013 13:38

It's not a baby. He's a walking toddler.

Jan49 · 16/08/2013 13:40

I wouldn't leave him with her. Where do you have to go that you feel you 'have to' leave him with her? What would you do if you didn't have that option? I think he ought to be in a travel cot. A child in a makeshift bed on the floor could wake up and get up to mischief without you knowing he was awake.

Original poster
Wertrude · 16/08/2013 13:41

By the way, don't want to sound ungrateful- I usually get on with mil and I really appreciate her help with ds. It's just that she really digs her heels in about this and my opinion is that she should just let it go and put him down to sleep somewhere else. It's hardly a massive inconvenience for her. Which is why I feel she's being purposefully stubborn and trying to prove a point (harsh?).

OP posts:
CreatureRetorts · 16/08/2013 13:41

He's only just started walking. If I piled cushions around my 11 month old, I would worry they'd roll into them. Especially in a place they're not used to sleeping in.

Feminine · 16/08/2013 13:41

fake he is 11 months!

Still a baby when I was making them.

Original poster
Wertrude · 16/08/2013 13:46

Agreed Jan- makeshift bed is no safer. I went to the dentist today which is up a flight of stairs and no lift. I'm 8 months pregnant with bad pelvic pain (limping and waiting for physio). That's not meant be a son story- just that it would be very difficult to take ds. I suppose I could ask her to come with me to help but she isn't in the best physical condition either- bad knees and back problems.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wertrude · 16/08/2013 13:47

Sob not son

OP posts:
LostMarbles99 · 16/08/2013 13:48

Of course he is still a baby!

YANBU and I wouldn't leave him with her if you weren't totally happy with the care he is getting.

She sounds very blinkered.

Fakebook · 16/08/2013 13:50

Alright. My children were walking at 10 and 11 months quite steadily so were maybe a bit more advanced than an average baby.

Feminine · 16/08/2013 14:13

But fake the walking skills of op's baby are not the main problem.

Its the nasty springs, and metals that the sofa bed comprises of (that is making her worry)

Your two would probably have got in to quite a bit of mischief if left that way I imagine? :)