to ask how you deal with rude relatives

[SuperMariosSister]

That constantly make comments/put downs. These comments are usually not about me but my father and ds. They will make comments about my dads weight when we are all together say things like oh its disgusting you need to lose weight, they call him fat and are downright nasty sometimes about him. I was saying i had to take a pair of pants back for ds as they didnt fit and she replied with they might fit x hes not as fat as ds. Ds is 6 and most definatly not fat.

When i tell them that i think that they are being rude about my father especially they reply with the same comments on how he needs to lose weight and i should be telling him to do something about it. my response is always the same that he is a grown man and will do what he wants too. i will help him in any way that i can but i think that they are very rude to ridicule and pick at him the way they do and i dont want ds to think that it is acceptable to pick at someone for things in this way.

How do you deal with rude relatives, i must have told them that i think they are being rude on numerous occasions and it does nothing but i feel really uncomfortable there whilst my dad seems to shrug it off i know it must hurt his feelings. we are an otherwise close family but its really starting to get me down that they treat him this way even in front of other family members

When you say 'relatives' what relatives? Close? Siblings? Uncle/Aunt? Firstly - do you HAVE to spend time with them? I choose NOT to surround myself with rude ignorant people - could you do the same? Secondly - are the gatherings held in your house? Perhaps a quiet word that you'll have no choice but to show them the door if they don't quit being objectionable and insensitive to people you care about in your house. That's what I would do anyway - fuck pussyfooting around, spit it out and tell them!

grandparents. so my dads parents. do spend a lot of time with them but usually at their house they dont visit me. i have said so many times that i find what they are saying rude and hurtful especially to my dad. its strange because they are not rude to anyone else in fact the total opposite, its like they just expect him to take it but then he has for so long shrugged it off. they are mid 70s and would be the first to tell us if they thought that we were being rude.

If they're rude about your DS, say, "Come on, DS, time to go." Pick up his things and just go.

As far as your dad is concerned, back him up. Tackle them each time they say something nasty.

They sound really horrible!

One of my GPs was generally rude (thought that achieving a great age meant she could say anything she liked, no matter how hurtful). I told her one day that either she stopped being so bloody rude in my presence or I wouldn't spend any more time with her. She did tone it down a bit after that.

I withdraw from rude people in general, even if theyre relatives. That probably sounds harsh - but I believe I have 1 life & I am not going to spend my precious time with rude, ignorant & bad mannered people. Im not overly interested in having any comebacks to their putdowns - I just wont spend any time with them and the ones that are like that, know why. I may hear of them bitching about it via others but, I dont care. As long as theyre not in my zone & Im not in theirs, I am perfectly happy.

OP it must be horrible for you, especially as your dad just sits there and takes it..I felt wound up just reading that! Back up your dad and put them in their place each time they talk crap to him. But as your DS is also being picked on (Im actually shocked at how stupid these people are!) then Im inclined to say fuck the lot of them..keep away from these toxic people before your son's self esteem hits the floor. He doesnt deserve that. Its not compulsory to take crap from people just because theyre 'blood'. Theyre adding no value to your life whatsoever. Get rid.

I would go too.

One of my aunts was always rude and unpleasant when DC were young. My DC are now in their 30s, looking back, I wish I had just got up and left. I don't know why some older people are so rude. I was in my early 20s and so proud of DC and she used to say some really unkind things. Life is too short.

they did it yesterday and after I told them they were rude they left pretty soon after. my dads recycling was on the side and thats what started it off with them saying no wonder as it wasnt healthy stuff. it really annoys me he is nearly fifty and they treat him like a small child sometimes. I do love my grandparents and they are otherwise lovely its when weight is brought up they or they talk about it they always resort to bullying tactics. the way I see it if they were genuinely worried for him then they would offer help/support if and when he asked for it. I have always left with ds when they have got on about weight, its not something I want him at 6 to think he needs to worry about

I would not mind betting that his parents are the root of his troubles - either they fed him too much of the wrong things when he was a child or the total opposite, they had strict foodie rules which he rebelled against when older. Either way, its not hard to see they are nasty judgey people who have probably affected his confidence.

"did you mean to be so rude" is a standard MN response.