Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Been engaged for ever and Dp want to say I do, we tried before to arrange it but

25 replies

candlesandbubbles · 15/08/2013 21:24

I got so stressed out because everyone else wanted to be involved we started to make plans and it all did my head in.

I do not handle stress at all, I just want to get married and be his wife, I know he will be asking me again soon its my big 40 so what do I do? otherwise he will just plan it and everyone will just plan it for me.

OP posts:

Manchesterhistorygirl · 15/08/2013 21:25

Elope?

FluffyDucky · 15/08/2013 21:26

Elope or go to a registry office, then have a party for your friends and family!
Would it be so bad bad if someone else planned it, or can you use a wedding planner?

LoganMummy · 15/08/2013 21:27

Local registry office with two guests as witnesses to make it official. Then just hire a local golf/tennis/rugby club and have a big party!

TheCraicDealer · 15/08/2013 21:27

Propose to him, organise a 40th birthday party in a hotel and when everyone arrives announce that, actually, you're getting married. Everyone will be so surprised they'll forget to be pissed off they didn't have a say in what colour scheme you went for.

pinkyredrose · 15/08/2013 21:27

Omg I would def elope in your shoes!

AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom · 15/08/2013 21:29

Do you have kids? I agree with registry office, two witnesses, your kids if you have them.

Then tell everyone you're having a party and, if they do your head in, don't have a party. You'll still be married

StrawberrytallCAKE · 15/08/2013 21:29

Vegas!

EllesAngel · 15/08/2013 21:29

Either of the above suggestions or sit down together, decide on what sort of wedding you want and arrange it. If anyone else tries to take over then just tell them you've got it sorted. Just because people try to tell you how to organise a wedding doesn't mean you have to listen to them.

ImperialBlether · 15/08/2013 21:33

I agree with the birthday party/wedding party.

Who would you simply have to invite, or else there would be WW3? Your mum and dad? His? Your best friend?

Work out who you really have to have there and ask them to meet you for lunch on a particular day. Tell them you want to treat them to a lovely lunch somewhere special. When they arrive, give them a stiff drink and tell them taxis are ordered for the registry office in half an hour. Then get married and go back to the restaurant for lunch. Party in the evening and announce it there. Simple.

DontmindifIdo · 15/08/2013 21:37

Start planning it now. Work out what you want, the budget you can afford, a rough guest list, find a short list of venues etc and then present it as done deal to your DP then done deal to others. Stick with your plan and ignore any attempts to interfer.

Or elope and dont tell them.

DontmindifIdo · 15/08/2013 21:38

oooh - do TheCraicDealer's idea! how cool would that be? A surprise wedding! Lovely.

do it, do it, do it!!!!

Original poster

candlesandbubbles · 15/08/2013 21:43

We have children, we wanted to do Vegas pre children .

Dp comes from a large family, we have been together in each others lives for 23 years, we have just bought a house together also.

I hate being center of attention I just want something low key I am easy going I love your idea Imperial love it.

I am in a position now to do what I want but I have to think about Dp and dc's just by saying this is what is happening so Imperial's idea is perfect.

OP posts:

CSIJanner · 15/08/2013 21:45

There is a classic thread where the OP just had two Mumsnetters attend. Would that appeal? The most posters here would then ardently urge would be for an update and if possible, pics

Original poster

candlesandbubbles · 15/08/2013 21:46

Craic's idea I have thought about your idea for a while.

OP posts:

WaitMonkey · 15/08/2013 21:47

Do it and come back and tell us all about it.

joanofarchitrave · 15/08/2013 21:47

Your children could be on 'Marrying Mum and Dad' - ds is very grumpy that we're already married and he can't!

Original poster

candlesandbubbles · 15/08/2013 21:48

Sorry just to add we have lived together.

I am unique to say the least I do not follow the rules I am a rebel.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 15/08/2013 21:49

ImperialBlether'sidea is great.

Personally, I think if you want to be actually married, just go and do it. Forget all the fuss and just get to the regitry office/church. Then have a party.

Job done.

Original poster

candlesandbubbles · 15/08/2013 21:50

I will tell you once I know ha ha Wait, but think best friend is planning something on the side, thing is I love to be in control hate secrets.

And what about my dress?

OP posts:

Amy106 · 15/08/2013 21:58

Dress shopping? That could be fun. Just take one very supportive friend or go alone. A bus load of opinions just makes things crazy. Try stuff on until you find something that makes you feel comfortable and happy. Remember it's your opinion that matters. You are the one wearing it.

colleysmill · 15/08/2013 22:05

We had a phone call this week to let us know my dsil had got married. Engaged a loooong time and they did it whilst on holiday with another couple they are close friends with who were in a similar situation. Just with each other and their collective dcs.

Big celebratory party organised in a few weeks time. :)

Ruprekt · 15/08/2013 22:10

Oooh can I help you plan?

Best wedding I ever saw was on Peak Practice.

Couple at reg office.....invited friends to party and announced it was their wedding do! Somas Imperial said.

Do it!!

Simple dress....you a girly girl?

zipzap · 15/08/2013 22:15

My uncle did exactly as Imperial Blether suggested, he got married to his wife in a registry office with just immediate family there and a family lunch afterwards at a nice restaurant. They had kids so we looked after them for the afternoon. We did however know we were going to their wedding but were all sworn to secrecy.

Then in the evening they had a party, no reason given to all their guests. After the savoury food had been eaten, they brought out a cake for pudding. Somebody said 'ooh that looks like a wedding cake, are you celebrating a big birthday or something? It was a big square white cake, brought out held up high so you couldn't see what was on the top - so also the sort of cake that might have 'Happy 50th' or Happy Anniversary written on it. Plus they were long standing Not Marrieds so the person who said is it is a wedding cake really was thinking that it must be some other sort of celebration cake.

At which point my uncle said 'well actually - there is a little something we want to share with you...' and broke the news to the assembled room. Was very nice - and very low stress for them (and their eldest dc were teenagers so they'd been together a long time too!). Obviously family who had been to the wedding had been sworn to secrecy until they chose to out the secret themselves during the evening party!

It worked really well, everybody was really surprised and thrilled for them, the party was a lovely party without all the stress of being. A. Wedding.

AdmiralData · 15/08/2013 22:51

Hello OP. My DH and I when engaged wanted a simple 'I do' ceremony in a registry office, followed by closest family (8 members) coming to lunch at our house. Our families were horrified and insisted on a massive wedding, massive dress, massive cake etc etc ... my autistic bil ate too much and threw up so my DH's ENTIRE family left four hours before the 'big party' ended. My brother and partner left because something good was on tv and my sister tried to beat up my mother and my dad went missing. The moral of the story - do WHAT YOU WANT. My DH and I are now renewing our vows in church alone - absolutely no family or friends followed by a weekend in a nice hotel. We aren't going to bother telling our families or friends :) Your happiness (and DP) is the ONLY thing that matters! HTH x

Original poster

candlesandbubbles · 16/08/2013 09:19

Have really thought about your suggestions and love the one of going to get married and surprise everyone by saying we are married at a resturant or party venue etc.

I am not girly girly so forget me wanting to be a princess but I would love a vintage type dress with a beauitiful hair piece.

OP posts:

Flip