To think you can't love someone you don't know - part 2

[Flojobunny]

Don't know how to link so to recap my other thread:
DB lives at other end of country, we never got on as children and he left home before I became an adult.
As adults we see each other every couple of years and its fake, that's how I feel. We are polite. I have needed a big brother in the past and he's never been there for me.
A recent phone call he ended it his usual way with "I love you" which I find fake and before I knew it I replied "you don't love me, you don't even know me" and pressed the red button then stood there in shock.

Since then, haven't spoke to him or had any further contact, which isn't unusual as contact is few and far between. However its his birthday in a few days and I don't know what to do. Do I pretend I didn't say it and send the usual cards from myself and DC and gift vouchers. Or do I hold my resolve and send nothing knowing its going to be a huge stance.

Erm, I often send cards to people I don't love. Acknowledging his birthday does not mean you are pretending you didn't say what you did.

I guess you're angry with him for not supporting you in the past? How about actually talking to him about it? That's if you want a closer relationship. If you don't then I don't see what's wrong with leaving things as they are.

Ignoring his birthday to punish him is U in my opinion. If you don't want to exchange gifts in the future then you need to tell him that.

You sound as though you resent him for having an independent life. What do you expect him to do? Never move further than 15 miles from his place of birth? Plenty of people get through life without a big brother. I think you should behave as well as possible in the circumstances, send a polite card and keep up the occasional contact.

I''ve not read your previous thread, so am missing the backstory, but not getting along as kids doesn't mean he doesn't love you. My brother drove me bat shit when we were little but I did love him. I also have much younger siblings and I left home when they were tiny and I still love them.

Agree that you should talk to him - you must mean something to each other if you have maintained contact, however loosely.

It isn't really for you to decide whether his feelings are fake or not: all you can know about is your own feelings.

The fact that you do not feel you can love you didn't get on with as a child or somebody you do not see regularly as an adult is an entirely personal thing: it doesn't say anything about mankind in general or your brother in particular.

I left home when DSIS was 10 and we've lived in different countries ever since. Didn't really have much to do with each other as children due to age difference (10 years), but I think the sisterly love was always there, just not expressed that much. As she got older, we have gradually increased contact and grew closer. We speak regularly now on Skype but only see each other every 2 - 3 years. She'll always be my sister and I'll always love her despite us not being close as children. FWIW, he might have been genuine saying he loved you?

Contact is only usually through our parents. I've tried so hard and its always been strained.