To worry that I've chosen the wrong school for DD?

[StarvingBookworm]

DD (4) starts reception in September. When we viewed our local schools, we put them down in this order: #1, non catchment, 1-form intake, low chance of getting in, #2, non catchment, slightly rough area, not brilliant reputation but loved the school and feel of it when we visited. #3, catchment, 5 mins walk, good reputation (but worse ofsted than #2), but our visit left us feeling utterly cold.

DD got into #2, which we were mostly happy with.

We went for the induction meeting and I started to feel a bit worried about it, especially because none of her preschool class are going, lots of them will be in school #3. I then found out that our chosen school doesn't have a breakfast or after school club - it's a reception-Y6 primary with intake of 90, yet is the only one of the three schools not to have one. I only work one day a week so I wasn't too bothered - but now we are struggling as NO local childminder picks up from there - I've been through local pages on council site, childcare.co.uk, nethuns ... Nothing. We may have found someone who could take on a nanny-type role (our former childminder), but she charges more than a CM, and definitely more than after school club, plus she can't do the morning run.

I am so stressed about this whole issue. Seriously, I could cry. I feel like we've really fucked this all up. Is this going to work? Or should we consider changing to catchment school, where we will save money and she'll know others, despite not liking it?

You must feel very stressed right now. Try not to worry about your dd. We moved as dd started reception and she was in the same boat but they mix morning and afternoon nursery children and some come in from private nurseries so there's lots of new friendships to be made. Very young children are very adaptable. You're dd will make friends and be happy whichever school you send her to. My only thoughts would be firstly, when she does make friends will it be easy for her to have them round for tea/ her to go there from a geographical point of view? Secondly, while it's a long way off does this one feed into a secondary school you like? I really wouldn't worry to much about ofsted, schools seem to vary results from year to year. If you have a good feeling about this school then keep her there.

As for childcare, you say no local cm pick up. Do you mean local to you or local to the school? What do other parents do? You can't be the only working parent. Is there a nursery near that runs clubs and drops off/picks up? Could you or dh change your hours so on that day one of you does each school run? Is giving up work a possibility?

I'm sure your DD will be fine - you liked the atmosphere of the school, and that counts for a lot. She'll settle, regardless of the lack of pre-school friends.

The childcare is your real worry - can you do a search on Facebook and see if the school has a PTA which has a FB page? Plenty of them do. If you can make a contact through that, the person may have some ideas - you won't be the only working parent. The other thing to try is your local MN page - someone may know someone who knows someone, IYSWIM.

Is there any way you or DP could change your hours that day a week, or work from home etc?

If not, better to change school now than when she's started. Can you find any current parents or staff at the school to ask about childminders who pick up there? You can't possibly be the only parent there with this issue. Maybe you could even pay another parent to have her as it's just once a week? Presume you have no family who could help?

Thanks all.

Geographically speaking - we are about 15-20 mins walk from the school, and live less than 100m out of the catchment area, so it's not a big deal for friendships - it's of course possible some friends will live the other side of the school but it's not impossible to work round. Childminder wise I have searched both from my postcode and the school's (although they're so close). The childminders seems to collect from all the schools around and then further out if that makes sense? Not one lists collection from this school.

In terms of family, we have family locally, but they work Mondays too. I've vaguely mooted the idea with my DSis but she didn't seem too keen - also she is pregnant with DC2 due in Feb so it wouldn't be sustainable anyway.

Searching for school PTA page is a good idea, thanks. Unfortunately I don't know any parents there yet as we used a preschool further away. No local nurseries. I only work this one day and although it's not for huge financial gain (just my pocket money) I like the day off.

I moved schools - one small village where all children knew each from birth, to another similar - mid Y1, and found it hard to adjust. I often wonder if my struggle making friends/feeling like outsider is partly due to this and I worry that I'm going to ruin her - we would like to move in the next year or so and may well have to move schools ... I've really fucked this up, haven't I?

No, you haven't fucked this up. I do understand. I changed secondary schools and have always secretly promised myself I won't let the same thing happen to dc. The thing to remember is your dd is not you. I see a lot of myself in dd but she's also influenced by her Dad, extended family, friends, books, television, etc. My 'issues' hopefully won't become hers.

Lots of children change schools at various ages. It does teach you that things stay the same but different (still have teachers, playtime, different pupils and uniform) which is a useful lesson for going into the working world. Also, I think a lot of people think making friends isn't that easy but on the flip side they probably value the friends they do have more than those with hundreds.

Your dd starting school can be a very stressful time as you want to feel you've done the right thing for her. Stick with this school as it could be a while before you get into the other one anyway but you could make enquiries about the waiting list if you want. Ask DSis and work for support through September with drop off and pick up. If you make it clear that it'll only be 4 times I expect they'll be more willing to agree. This will give you some breathing space to arrange childcare.

You're doing a great job. Try and enjoy the last few weeks of the holidays.

You haven't fucked up.School comes first,childcare second.You may have to struggle on for a while but you have 7 years so in all likely hood it will work itself out.

You said you liked it better and it had a better OFTED so no brainer imvho.

Ring the LEA and ask if the other schools have space still. Ask what their waiting lists are like. There is usually some movement in numbers/waiting lists over the summer - people leaving or moving into the area or going to private education instead or changing their mind about schools.

I think your only issue is the child care really.

Also ask about other schools slightly further put.

You could ask to go on various school waiting lists.

Do you think there is any wriggle room on your working hours? Change from one long day to two school hour days instead? That would solve your school drop off and collection issues.

Call the childminders! Those lists are rarely up to date, they will be great at recommending someone if they know,and not all CMs are on the list, some choose to not give permission.

As a working mum myself I was so grateful for after school clubs.

I would try to change to school #3

Are there any nurseries near the school? Our school has no ASC; they've tried but there aren't enough parents interested. About 5 mins walk away is a nursery that does ASC up to 11.

FWIW none of my DC went to school with preschool friends and all were fine.

Definitely ring some childminders!

I can't believe that you chose a school without carefully researching the childcare options first. Sorry, not meaning to have a go.

Can you change your hours a bit?

TBH because we only need childcare for one day, and I knew that there were so many CMs in the area, I figured it wouldn't really be an issue, and that it was such a big school (around 500-600 children) that there would be something, plus we knew that we could probably work something out with H working from home if desperate.

When we looked round school #3 the only thing we liked was that it was so close. The reception intake was 90 and it was basically one enormous, noisy, bright classroom - I found it utterly overwhelming. The deputy HT who took us - and several other families - round didn't acknowledge any of the children which we felt was poor. The walls in several areas were bare of any dis

Phone a network childminder and ask them which cm pick up from that school. Also ask the school office. TBH all the cm places here got snapped up on 1st March when the school places were announced. Plus are you just gfoing on what it says online. If so, this is always out of date/inaccurate. Actually phone them and even if they can't help then they might no someone who can.

TBH because we only need childcare for one day, and I knew that there were so many CMs in the area, I figured it wouldn't really be an issue, and that it was such a big school (around 500-600 children) that there would be something, plus we knew that we could probably work something out with H working from home if desperate.

When we looked round school #3 the only thing we liked was that it was so close. The reception intake was 90 and it was basically one enormous, noisy, bright classroom - I found it utterly overwhelming. The deputy HT who took us - and several other families - round didn't acknowledge any of the children which we felt was poor. The walls in several areas were bare of any displays, and the library was a small room and we were give the impression that children were only rarely allowed there, which we didn't like.

DH also really disliked it. Schools further out are not an option. The three we applied for were the three within a reasonable walking distance as I don't have a car during the week.

I may be really over reacting , maybe we can work round it for this school year - we do potentially have someone who can pick her up, DH could take her to school and just be in a little later. And then work on moving (a whole other post!!) and go from there.

I think whichever school I would be having wobbles over something.

Cece what's a network CM?

I'm not entirely sure but they are listed as such on childcare searches on direct.gov and always seem to know everything that is going on cm related!

Ring the school office and ask them to advise re childcare? There must be some working parents in the school surely.

I was in the position of struggling for childcare with DD (because she didn't get our first choice school) and I needed it every day. I did get childcare sorted at what felt like the eleventh hour but I have to admit even that was not as late as mid August. I went on to set up an after school club so perhaps this is your long term solution.

Have you asked the after school clubs from the other schools if they will pick up from yours? Our schools pick up from various schools in a minibus.