To expect my sister to take a phone message

[frogspoon]

I recently got home, to be told by my sister that a woman from "the bank" phoned. Apparently I have been told "not to worry" and that someone is possibly going abroad or has been (me? her?) and that I will be phoned on Friday.

Now my sister (in her 20s) does have learning difficulties, but they are not so bad that she should not be able to ask who is calling, where they are from (which bank) and to write down a message. She is studying in higher education away from home, and if she is capable enough to live in a different city, she should be able to answer the phone and take a message.

I know I shouldn't be annoyed with her because she has learning difficulties, but this has caused me so much frustration and worry. I have called the bank, who have no record of having called me, so now I have no idea who did call me and what my sister told them.

My children are brilliant at taking messages.

They just don't pass them on.

YANBU that is highly irritating. I think students generally don't attach much importance to things like that.

By the same token though if its that important they should call back.

Could she not have given them your mobile though?

running perhaps I should have titled my post to pass on a phone message!

When you do eventually get the message, is it logical?

Spent ages trying to explain to the bank "Yes, my sister did answer the phone, but she didn't take a message so I don't know what the phone call was about!"

when I worked in a bank we weren't allowed to leave specific info with someone who wasn't the account holder so just had to say 'the bank' rather than the name of it. They were probably just trying to sell you something anyway!

If it's important they will ring again! YAB a bit U - she's not your secretary!

If its important they'll ring back I would assume the person that rang you may be on leave tomorrow.

Unless you're waiting on the bank ringing for a reason, or you trying to set a new account/ overdraft up, I wouldnt give it a 2nd thought.

If the bank/telephone/internet provider etc ring and ask for my husband I don't take a message - I just tell them he's not in and they can try again.

If the bank/telephone/internet provider etc ring and ask for my husband I don't take a message - I just tell them he's not in and they can try again.

I would have been happy for her to have said that. To be honest, what concerns me is that she doesn't really know what she said, or what they said, therefore I have no idea if they will call me back or not.

If its important they will ring you back. Some banks via Data Protection can only give minimal info. to others anyway.

As others say, usually the bank will refuse to leave a message in this situation.

I also don't really see what studying in HE has to do with her ability to take a telephone message. If her disabilities are such that she can't, then she can't. I would usually assume you know whether your own sister can or can't manage something, but I don't follow your logic when you say you think she should be able to because she studies away from home? That makes no sense.

Maybe she got flustered; maybe the bank refused to leave a message; maybe she couldn't quickly find a pen or something like that.

Is it possible you're stressed about finances and letting it spill over onto your sister? Not having a go if you are, it's pretty human, but it's also not her fault.

I work in financial services and can leave the name of my company and a phone number on an answer phone or with someone else who answers the phone but not discuss why I'm calling or any specific info. Different companies will have different policies.

If the bank have no record of having called you then don't worry. If it was something you needed to respond to they'd have noted it on their records and would try again to call you anyway. Failing that they would write or email.

YABTU She answered your phone and got a fair amount of a message... if it is important they genuinely WILL ring back. If you start paying her then she should take full and efficient messages. Until then chill!! :o

No, not stressed about finances, just stressed about the phone call

What worried me was that the message was apparently "don't worry" and something about going abroad.

Which instantly makes me think that someone has stolen my bank details and using it abroad or something. And that my sister was not able to confirm that this is not the case.

Next time I shall put on the answer machine and tell her not to bother.

My concern would be that it wasn't the bank at all, and she gave out some personal details - however minimal - to help a potential fraudster. For example, someone has your card details and needs your DOB or address. Would you sister do this? Or remember what she told them?

My concern would be that it wasn't the bank at all, and she gave out some personal details - however minimal - to help a potential fraudster. For example, someone has your card details and needs your DOB or address. Would you sister do this? Or remember what she told them?

Yes, that was my other worry. She has assured me that she hasn't told them anything. I hope she has remembered correctly!

Um ... look, if you are genuinely worried your sister's disability is such that she might have told someone your card details then forgotten, then you need to safeguard your account better.

I find it hard to believe you simply didn't bother to put your answerphone on, yet you're prepared to get this paranoid. You've presumably had a lifetime to get used to her learning disability, right? Yet it obviously makes you assume she's done something really unpredictable and unexpected - when if you'd not mentioned she had an disability, it would sound perfectly normal for someone to take a message then forget it.

YABU.