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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off?

15 replies

ruledbyheart · 14/08/2013 14:31

I could scream, DC4 due in a few days been in latent labour for 8 days so far so could happen at any point, homebirth booked and planned.

My Dad offered to have DCs for a week around my due date so I can have my homebirth a few months ago, very nice of him to offer and was very happy making plans all good until yesterday.

I rang dad to ask what day he wanted the DCs and he has now informed me that I should call when in labour and he will pick them up, ok except my last labour was only 4 hrs long and my dad is 3 hrs away by car plus trying to sort out 3 under 5yr olds whilst in labour is going to be hell.

So annoyed and upset as we planned for them to go a couple of days before due date and he would bring them back a couple of days after, yes I may go overdue but then I would have to go to hospital and its a risk we were prepared to take as other DC were bang on time.

He wasn't having them for free either I have put money away to cover petrol and stuff he would need for them.

So annoyed he has decided to change the plan days before due date, I have no one else who could take them so will now have to pay for an emergency sitter and Ill have to go to hospital.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Fairy130389 · 14/08/2013 14:36

NBU at all. Does he understand the implications of picking them up when in labour? I would explain to him why it is important for hem to o early? Apart from anything else you don't want dcs to see you in pain! Good luck

Original poster
ruledbyheart · 14/08/2013 14:36

Thats come out all jumbled but basically I didnt want a hospital birth unless I have no other choice so planned this months ago, my dad offered to have DCs and has now changed his plans last minute.

If I go overdue I have someone who can watch DCs but not until a certain date as they are away.

I am just upset he has only just told me this and he knows I have a history of fast labours so a 3hr last minute journey is not really going to be practical.

OP posts:
YoniMitchell · 14/08/2013 14:40

Have you actually told him you're upset and this is causing stress (that's not good)?

Failing that, can't you just call him and say you think it's starting?

FWIW I completely see why you're pissed off.

FeckOffCup · 14/08/2013 14:43

Do you have a DH/P that lives with you? I think lots of people have home births with other children in the house so it could still be possible with another adult there for the other kids.

Original poster
ruledbyheart · 14/08/2013 14:45

Yeah I told him I was upset as we had this plan for Months and all I got was he had his own life to live which of course I know he does but then if it was a problem why offer?
BTW he isn't working currently so that's not an issue.

I should have known better in hindsight, he drove me to hospital when I had DC3 as he lived 5mins away at the time and took 2 hrs to get to me because he had stuff to do (shower/walk dog) leaving me in agony with 2 dcs and only just made it to the hospital (DC3 was born less than 20mins later).

OP posts:
Original poster
ruledbyheart · 14/08/2013 14:48

Due to the way my house is layed out I couldn't have the DCs here unless it happened in the middle of the night as they couldn't not really see it and trying to keep 3 DCs from seeing me would cause more stress on them (clingy DCs) as they would get upset and I would get stressed with them being upset IYSWIM?

OP posts:
wonderingsoul · 14/08/2013 14:49

ynbu.. do you have a friend that could take them a short notice if you gointo labour?

i did this for a friend when she wanted a home birth. her sil dropped her 3 of at mine at 9 at night. was very exciting waiting for the call that she had her baby. also a big priviliage.

i hope its just that he hasnt really thought about it, and once you told him he'll come around.

also i dont understand the waiting a couple of days till the children are back? surely they will be excited to meet the bab yand may feel left out being made to wait for a couple of days?
if not id suggest you start finding a friend who is close by.

Original poster
ruledbyheart · 14/08/2013 14:54

No friends nearby MIL would have them if I go overdue but is away until then.

He planned to have them a few days before and after as a little holiday for them, they wont really understand when baby is born so waiting a few days before meeting the new baby isn't an issue, thats the other reason I'm upset as DCs were really looking forward to spending time with their Grandad on holiday.

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 14/08/2013 15:13

I think your dad has realised looking after 3 x 5 year old boys is a lot of hard work
Is he elderly?

CaptainSweatPants · 14/08/2013 15:14

Oops I thought they were triplets!
What ages are they?

Original poster
ruledbyheart · 14/08/2013 15:17

3,4,5 yrs old and yes they are a handful and when the offer was made I did ask if he was sure but even now he is convinced they will behave for him as kids always behave better for other people than their parents.

No still youngish and healthy.

OP posts:
quoteunquote · 14/08/2013 15:17

Be naughty tell him you are in labour, they do stop sometimes. Innocent face.

Original poster
ruledbyheart · 14/08/2013 15:23

Tempted to do that but don't really want to deceive him, I know I can go hospital if I have too and have someone who can have DCs at mine just no where else for homebirths sake, just really upset because this is my last baby and really want my homebirth and my DCs were looking forward to their holiday.

At least IANBU, the way my dad was on the phone did make me wonder if I was just being an entitled pain in the arse.

OP posts:
quoteunquote · 14/08/2013 18:51

I would re ring him and explain why his plan is worrying you, and ask if there is anything you could do to make it easier for him.

Nanny0gg · 14/08/2013 20:14

I bet h could be overwhelmed. I'm in my fifties and healthy and I wouldn't be confident of coping with three of that age for a few days on my own.

Sorry he's left you in the lurch though. He shouldn't have offered.

Hope MiL is back in time.

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