To be annoyed at always having to go to DMs house?

[Troubleintmill]

There is a long back story, it is long though so I won't go into it.
I have one DS who's 2.10. DM and stepdad live about 2omins away. I don't drive, DM does. There is a bus route to DMs house that invloves taking 2 buses from our house. DS still has a nap of up to 2hrs depending if he's at home or nursery. DM doesn't have anywhere for DS to sleep at hers now he sleeps in a bed. She has never offered to provide anywhere, so we always have to come home if visiting their house so DS can nap at home or in the buggy if he falls asleep en route.
He doesn't sleep through the night yet and wakes much more if he doesn't nap so I am reluctant for him to do without a nap.

We get asked every week to go to their house. She hardly ever comes here. I am getting to the point where I make excuses not to go as i don't want an argument if I suggest her coming here instead. If I start with one thing there's so much that will come out we'll probably end up not speaking!
Anyway, I'm wondering if AIBU to not want to go there every week? Surely people take it in turns. Obviously DS has all stuff he needs at home so it is easier to be here. Also DM is only an early riser when it suits her so we often can't go there til 10am or after and then we don't have long before having to leave.
I have a feeling I am BU but some other perspectives would be good! DH is bored of me going on about it!
Thank you.

i'd take the risk of "If I start with one thing there's so much that will come out we'll probably end up not speaking! " 2 buses/DS not getting his nap/not having stuff there? I certainly wouldnt entertain that on a regular basis. YANBU

Just say No, it's too awkward, how about you come here instead and I'll make lunch for us all.

If she picks a fight because of that then maybe you're better off letting her stew for a while. Stop walking on eggshells!

Sounds like my mum (even down to having a step dad).

I don't go anymore. It's all about her and her controlling husband so I won't get sucked in.

I do make lunch if they come here as if I don't they rarely stop for longer than an hour. Hardly quality time with DGS IMO though obviously that's their decision.

I know I need to man up. Thing is DM is pretty much only family I have. Am an only child and DF died when I was 11 so if I don't speak to DM I have no one really. I know there's loads of people in the same situation and maybe they're happy with that but it scares me I'm afraid.

Have you actually told her what a pain it is to get over there and about his naps. Or have you asked for her to make space for him to sleep? I know you say she hasn't offered but she isn't a mind reader, she may think you prefer to go home. She may also think that its not such a big deal since you do it every week and its just turned into a bit of a habit. Just talk to her, its quite possible she has no idea that you feel this way.

Just say no, you can't do as its too difficult. But you are welcome to come here.

Yanbu by the way. Things like this should be taken in turn.

What happens when you invite her to your house? Does she say no, or what?

She knows it is difficult. And I have mentioned about having naps there but she's not done anything about it and doesn't seem to want to. Just seems to find that fact he has a nap awkward as we can't spend longer there.
I tried once to get him to sleep by walking in buggy but it wasn't happening.
When I ask her to come here or mention it she comes reluctantly or has an excuse why she can't. I have suggested meeting at local park/museum for something different so I could get DS home easier and we could have fun but she made an excuse for this too and never mentioned doing it again.
I have been there today and when she dropped us off (gave us a lift as she had my aunt visiting and was bringing her to do shopping) she asked us to go there again tomorrow. I said no-I already have other plans for tomorrow. Couldn't bring it up with her then though as aunt was present and DS and don't want to argue in front of them.

I wouldnt go just day ds has playdates and friends around.Wont be long till hes in nursery and school so it will stop then anyway.If she doesnt come its her lookout you wont be at the loss she will.

cant he have a nap in her bed?

Don't think stepdad would be keen on that idea and doubt DS would either! A he's never really slept there due he's not used to it so would probably take ages to settle or just not sleep at all. This would be fine if he could do without it but he can't. He has tantrums when overtired and like I say night sleep is very disturbed.
Think I'll have to say something or continue with excuses. It's just a shame as I don't want DS not to have any GPs -DHs mother not in the picture so nothing from there.

You say that your DM to sleep, then you say that he could sleep on her bed because - a) Stepdad would not be keen - what a strange remark , would he be in it at the same time and
b) your Ds would not be able to sleep there because he is not used to it.
So, how can your mother provide a place for him to sleep in the he is used to ? - it has to start somewhere.
I would not go every day but I think you are making things difficult for your self.
My DM died when my DS was very young and I would have loved to have a DM to visit with.

Stepdad wouldn't like the idea of DS sleeping in their bed. He's odd like that. That's why it's not an option unfortunately.
If there was somewhere for him to sleep then obviously he'd get used to it.
I'm sorry you lost your mum. I do know what it's like to loose a parent. It's not always as black and white if DCs do have GPs though and there's plenty of evidence of that on here.
Anyway. I'll just get a grip and deal with it.
Thanks.