at getting no time alone unless I get up at 6am?

[revolvenotevolve]

Three children and I've NEVER had a night off /away from them - my eldest is 7. My DH does help a lot but I am fundamentally exhausted.
I have managed to carve out some time alone by getting up at 6am whilst children and baby are asleep (baby sleeps well after 4am) and creeping out for a swim at local pool. I generally get back before they wake at 7:30.
My husband regularly goes out to pub weekly or work dos or bike rides and has his brother over once a quarter for Thurs to Sunday boozy weekends - where they pretty much disappear in a haze of late nights and lie ins with day trips to play golf etc. AIBU to feel resentful of getting my me time by reducing my sleep time (breastfeeding during night too)? He thinks the early swims are my luxury..?!?

Is there something you want to do in the evenings or at the weekends?

If so, then do it. If your DH does it, then there's no reason why you shouldn't have a turn too. Is he actually telling you that he won't look after his own children because you swim while they are still asleep?

Tell him its not your luxury. Tell him every week you are having the night off, only fair considering he has a weekly night out. You are also having a weekend every quarter. It's only fair you both have the same. The only way this will not happen is if he gives them up.
He also needs to man up and start with the evening routine. It's ridiculous that you are doing everything for this person. They are his children as well and its about time he started doing his share.

My husband regularly goes out to pub weekly or work dos or bike rides and has his brother over once a quarter for Thurs to Sunday boozy weekends - where they pretty much disappear in a haze of late nights and lie ins with day trips to play golf etc.

Eh? How does this work?

Get yourself a bike and boozy brother or whatever the hell you fancy and start politely letting your DH know what time you'll be home.

Has he worked for seven years without a night off? No.

Only don't be a martyr or whine.

Take what you're due without apology and without aggression.

Hope you have a blast!

My first thought was you're lucky getting time alone at 6am - DS2 gets up at 5am!

But YANBU to expect free time to be apportioned fairly. Why don't you swim in the evenings if you don't want to swim in the morning?

jassy - You're right I think I am both martyr and a whine ?! Is that possible ?!? But now Im upset as Ive let this happen and have had no life and become a non person who can't remember what to do anymore.
I literally don't know how to put this into words to him.

I said don't be! I'm sure you're not.

Back when you were an a person (and I bet your kids don't think you're a non person) what did you do? What was the rhythm of your life? Friends, interests, ambitions?

Do you like walking? Art? Wine? Mucking about with your mates? Are there any mates? Shopping? Films? Coffee? Family?

You don't really need words, you just need to remember what you love or what you want to do and say

'By the way, can you please make sure you're back by six on Thursday cosI'm meeting Jenny fir a glass if so e and then we are seeing a film. I should be back by 11, and it he kids will have been fed so you just need to do bedtime. How was your day?'

Then you build up slowly to ' sweetie. You need to take next Friday off so I can meet Julia in Wales for some hiking. We've booked into a gastro pub and the details are on the table. Ben has swimming Saturday morning otherwise you're jn charge of activities. Dan g, why are you sobbing under the bed '

Etc. don't comment if he feeds them crap or lets them watch tv all day. He needs to learn how to operate his own kids before its too late and they have left home.

Good luck, and it's completely fine for you to do this!!

Unforgivable typos...

What's stopping you from going out?

Ok whats hours is dh out the house? there must be time you can go off. We usually do alternate saturdays out so it goes me one week, dh the next, next sat we stay in etc. Dh works until 7ish in week but we both have times we go out in evenings. It doesnt sound very fair for you at the moment.

Can you arrange a night/weekend away with the girls? Dh and I both do this and have taken it in turns to go to different places. Travelodge and premier inn often have very good deals. Definitely try and get some time to yourself, and fair enough if you can get peace at 6am, in this place when one person is up the whole place is up as our kids seem to sense it

Great post from jassy

OP: I think it is also important for you and DH to actually go out together socially.