To want to stay at self catering apartment when visiting parents?

[justanuthermanicmumsday]

is it disrespctful to visit siblings and dad and stay in a self catering apartment rather than at parental home?

to be honest it's the norm to stay with parents but since mum is no longer with us no one gives a damn. We tell brothers weeks ahead of arrival to make things a bit easy .But after a 6 hour journey kids vomiting me joining in from the stench, blinding migraines, the last thing I want to do is look for bedsheets that are kept in no set place and make up 4 beds and cots.

Lately we have eaten maybe one or two meals with the family despite us being there 2 weeks and everyone being home. The food is left on the table no word of I'm off help yourself. I don't expect anyone to wait on me but some basic manners wouldn't go amiss. I feel like I could cater for myself without feeling unwanted and my beds towels everything would be ready for my kids at a self catering place or hotel.

Dad wouldn't be so unsettled, he has dementia. Sis in law wouldn't have to worry about food. She never listens overcooks and she cooks all day I kid u not. Appreciate what she does but I don't like feeling m a burden when my kids eat a tiny morsel and there's just me and husband who could eat from the same pots everyone else is using with no need for extra. No amount of telling her we are eating out or have invite to x y z house deters her.

I feel it will be more relaxing and better for everyone. Husband thinks its disrespectful says dad will be upset. To be honest all I remember is him telling me not to eat certain dishes on the table he always directs me to left overs which usually doesn't bother me but that day it really upset me. I don't give a toss about the food does he think I travel 6 hours for some food that I can cook myself? kids aren't allowe to play if they play too noisy. If they watch tv oh they're hogging the remote. I'm ready to have a breakdown. Last two times I was there I was in tears.

husband says its too expensive about £450 pounds I say it's worth it ill cover the cost.

Aibu and disrespecting my dad siblings?

I think it's a good idea. It really depends on how you package it when you tell family. I would book it and then present as being because of wishing not to disturb father or cause additional work for SIL. I would also be tempted to lie and say you got a special deal so not expensive etc. I sometimes wish I could do this when visiting family as t just makes everything easier and more enjoyable.

Do it much less stressful for everyone, I bet they will be relived, all the best bits of catching up with you without having to stand on ceremony all the time, more relaxing to have somewhere to retreat to.

We do this a lot these days when visiting people, don't forget to check late rooms for cheap deals, I had a very high end apartment for a week with amazing views in a city recently, for less than it would of cost for a night in a medium standard hotel in the same area.

Do your own thing, do not offer long explanations just say it is easier.

yes I've been checking for the last few weeks now, I did check late rooms but nothing self catering near my dad too far out. I think hotel isn't s suitable with the small kids I reckon they'll be too noisy for other residents? Or am I wrong about that?

Self catering in that particular town next to zero I suspect it's coz no one wants to visit its not exactly a buzzing city. the only way is to drive out 15-20 mins for self catering cottages. So scenic I've been sucked in it will be like a double holiday. I can relax in the evening husband can go see his friends in the city, bliss. I will miss not spending time with siblings in evening due to babysitting kids who are asleep, but there's no guarantee siblings will be home,p for a catchup 98% time they're busy with their own friends. It wasn't like this when mum was alive, but what's the point of looking back it is what it is.

We do this whenever we visit my mother simply because there's no room in her house for all of us. It works out very well, and feels a lot more like a holiday because we have our own space. There's less worry about the children playing up or breaking my mother's things, and everything is neat and tidy. When we had a smaller family, DH used to really hate visiting my mother as it was so stressful, but now he doesn't mind it at all.

In the scenario you describe it sounds like you'll have a much better time too!

Yes I think you are right ill just have to make it an annual holiday I can't see myself paying this much for summer, Easter hols and Xmas. Sad but I see no other way.