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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only allow my 5 year old to play in the garden and not in the street with other children?

27 replies

BlueberryCream · 13/08/2013 11:01

DH and I live on a street that leads on to a busy road. Yesterday we had a visit from SIL, her DH and our 2 year old nephew. We sat out the back garden as DS (5) and DN were playing with the sand pit and trampoline. On our street there's quite a large number of kids ranging from babies to teens. 2 families allow their 3 and 4 year olds to play along the street with footballs. Often they leave their bikes in the middle of the road. I can't count how many times someone on the street has had to come out and remove the bikes just so people in the street can pass. Anyway, every time DS is out he often notices the kids round his age running up and down the street. So as per usual yesterday he asked if he could go out and play with them. I explained that the street led on to a busy road and how when he's a little older he could but not right now. However, said friends were welcome to come and play in the garden (as they often do). He was fine with this.

SIL thinks I'm an overbearing mum who needs to loosen the "apron strings a little." Apparently I'm depriving DS of the usual childhood of kids playing in their local street. If there's already young kids out I should be letting DS out too as it makes him an outcast and set for bullies.

Aibu by keeping him strictly to garden only? Does/would anyone else allow their 5 year old to play on a street where cars come and go - that leads on to a busy road?

OP posts:

thebody · 13/08/2013 11:03

not me. 5 too young in my book. he's your child so tell sil to fuck the fuck off.

at 5 a child has no road sense at all by the way.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2013 11:04

When my kids were that age, I used to take a garden chair on to the driveway...so he could still play with the kids in the street and I could keep my eye on him.

It was nice actually because I got to know a lot of neighbours that way, who would stop for a little chat.

DragonsAreReal · 13/08/2013 11:04

I probably would let him play out, with strict parameters and me sitting out in the garden with a book but still keeping an eye out.

Depends on your 5yr old though, mine whos now turning 6, would listen to where he's allowed and not allowed and knows he is not allowed to cross the road but is allowed to play round the green with neighbours dc.

Cromwell44 · 13/08/2013 11:06

YANBU - five is far too young to be playing in the street. Just because other parents allow their children to do this doesn't mean you should. Different families have different rules and you decide the rules for your child.

maja00 · 13/08/2013 11:07

At 5, I would probably sit on the doorstep/front garden and watch him play. 6/7 seems out enough to play out with minimal supervision to me.

Lots of children play out in my road from about 6, but they tend to keep to the pavements.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2013 11:07

Oh and I'd ignore your SIL

Sometimes parents of toddlers see 5yr olds as virtually grown ups

When her child is 5, she'll probably feel completely different.

SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 13/08/2013 11:08

My son is 3 is plays in the street with 2 children his age. He knows not to cross the road. I sit in the garden and watch him.

He loves it.

Fakebook · 13/08/2013 11:12

No way, I'd never let my 5 year old out to play on our street. It's not even a busy road. None of the children on our road play outside, they all play in their own gardens.

thebody · 13/08/2013 11:13

yep sitting in the front garden is a good idea or unobtrusive gardening so it doesn't look like you are hovering.

Original poster

BlueberryCream · 13/08/2013 11:13

He would listen if I told him to stick to certain points but I know even with me sitting out and supervising I'd be having virtual heart attacks every time a car comes along.

OP posts:

maja00 · 13/08/2013 11:15

Are you maybe a bit overly anxious then? Sounds like cars must be going pretty slowly if there are lots of kids about and they sometimes have to stop for bikes in the road. If your DS stays on the pavement and you are right there, what is going to happen?

BuskersCat · 13/08/2013 11:19

My DD is 3 and I allow her to play with the kids in the street, I just sit on my doorstep with my kindle and supervise

Original poster

BlueberryCream · 13/08/2013 11:20

I probably am anxious maja. DH calls me the worrier because I'm always worrying about things when there's no need to. I've always been like this. It could also stem from the fact that I've recently lost one of my younger brothers due to a drunk driver so that's a panic set in itself. I still think he's too young though. Maybe next year but not yet.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2013 11:23

He would listen if I told him to stick to certain points but I know even with me sitting out and supervising I'd be having virtual heart attacks every time a car comes along.

But it's not about you, is it? (meant nicely, not in a sarky way)

It's about your son and teaching him road sense, how to play unsupervised with the kids in the street etc.

If you do it now for him (heart attacks or not) you'll be equipping him with those skills for life.

Meanwhile, he gets to have fun.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2013 11:25

X posted

Sorry to hear about your younger brother OP

Perhaps this is where your SIL is coming from?

You admit to being over anxious...it sounds as though she can see that too.

DragonsAreReal · 13/08/2013 11:27

What if you got involved with a childrens road safety course? My dc both did one in year1 but I know not every school does one. If you had a google there might be a community one around, if not you could sort one out yourself.

Original poster

BlueberryCream · 13/08/2013 11:27

I see your point Worra (and I didn't take it in a sarky way :) ) Still I can't help thinking he is too young though. Thanks for all the replies though as it's given me something to think about - that plenty do let their little ones out with plenty of supervision. :)

OP posts:

DragonsAreReal · 13/08/2013 11:29

Or in my city (so I assume elsewhere) they do street closures for the afternoon half 3 till half 5 sort of things on really busy roads so dc can play out. If your other neighbours would get involved contact these. playingout.net/

Original poster

BlueberryCream · 13/08/2013 11:32

I'll look that up Dragon thanks - it would definitely give me more peace of mind knowing he is more road safety aware.

Worra, a lot of it does stem from my anxiousness I agree. Part of me worries that I will pass it on to my children too. I think I need to look at somewhere to help me deal with certain situations in a positive way without getting in such a stress over every little thing.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2013 11:32

It's not too young if you supervise him

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2013 11:33

Grrrr x posted again

Yes I think getting some help to deal with your anxieties is sensible.

Good luck OP

Gracie990 · 13/08/2013 11:40

No he's too young. They are vulnerable at five. April jones was taken because she was just that, trusting, vulnerable, five.

Quenelle · 13/08/2013 11:47

DH and I let 4yo DS play out the front and one of us sits out there to keep an eye on him. We have laid down the law about not setting foot in the road and not going out of our sight and so far he has shown he can be as sensible as a 4 year old can be expected to be.

DH, by his own admission, can get very anxious but he's learning to relax by very gradually giving DS more independence, but with supervision.

mrsyattering · 13/08/2013 11:54

I don't let mine on the street, we have a perfectly safe large garden. If I let my 6 year old then the 4 and 3 year old would want to go too. I let them scoot up and down the pavement only if I am out too.

5madthings · 13/08/2013 11:59

my five year old plays out with his big brothers, we live in a quiet cul de sac and i can see from my living room and kitchen and oftrn i sit out on the bench in our front garden and supervise.

if the street is quiet its a goid age to let him play with supervision and boundaries. what worra said :)

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