To not let drunk grandmother babysit?

[Charlenek123]

Currently pregnant with my first little one who is also going to be my parents first as I am an only child. My parents are absolutely thrilled at the thought of becoming grandparents but my problem lies with my Mum, who likes to have a drink at nights. I wouldn't class her an alcoholic but she does like to have quite a bit, especially at the weekend. I know it will come to the point where my parents will want the little one overnight and I would absolutely love if they could but I am not sure I could 100% trust my mother. I know she will adore her grandchild and would do nothing to intentionally harm her but I am just concerned as I know there is a good chance she would be drunk when she would be responsible for baby one weekend. I really do not want to upset her but I would just not settle knowing she is in the hands of someone who is having a few glasses of wine, even though my Father will be there, who does not drink. Not discussed this with my partner or my Father yet, which I do plan to. I just don't know how to handle bringing up a situation like this :(

What was she like when you were growing up?
Does she know when to stop drinking?

Apart from a few very heated arguments between us in my younger teen years, there was absolutely no problem in the way she cared for me etc. My main concern is just things like maybe not waking up if baby was crying. I think she would find it hard to stop as she is pretty set in her ways of having a full bottle of wine on a Saturday night, maybe a little more

You don't even need to have a conversation about it. When she asks just say "no I'm not really interested in baby having overnights"

Overnights with grandparents are not essential

Mine didn't have overnights with anyone else until they were at least 7 or 8, and it was never an issue - it didn't even come up for discussion. I don't think you need to worry about this for some time, and if your Mum's drinking bothers you that much, then just don't do overnights, simple as that. It isn't worth falling out with her over any time soon.

I have the problem the other way round. DF likes a drink. Not every night but it makes me nervy with DD. The one time they have had her overnight I talked with them about it. DM was in charge of the monitor and all decisions. She didn't drink so there really wasn't a problem.

Could you talk to them about it?

I think you need to see out your concerns respectfully and politely, but definitely let your know that drinking in charge of your baby is not happening and non-negotiable.

How was she while you were growing up? Is this a longstanding problem?

I think you are right to say no or at least say that they won't be left in charge if drinking at all, if you can trust them not to. It isn't only a problem if she didn't hear baby crying but also if there was an emergency which required them to either drive or take your dc to hospital or in an ambulance. All of which I would think are best done entirely sober. My mum was an evening drinker and would regularly polish off two or three glasses of an evening but since my ds arrived is now tee total. My very lovely step father supported her completely by never
buying wine and she looks so much better for it. Says she looks sleeps better too!

If you are planning to breast feed then that will give you a years grace because you can't be separated from your baby. How does she function if she drinks a full bottle every night? Does she appear dtunk or because she is used to drinking so much for so long it doesn't affect her? How is her sense of judgement generally? I don't think you need to say anything now as it will only cause tension, talk about it if the issue comes up.