to possibly be suffering from PTSD or something like it, long after the event?

[Justshabbynochic]

In late May of this year, my 6 year old son nearly drowned.

He was on holiday with his dad (my exH) in Spain when it happened. I got a phone-call from him, my ex, sobbing, telling me there's been an accident, etc.

For about two hours I was hysterical, ripping the house apart trying to find my passport, getting on hands and knees and sobbing, begging God for him to be ok. At that point I didn't know if he was dead, brain-damaged or anything. All I knew was when he was scooped out of the water, he was blue and not breathing.

Anyway, long story short, he recovered over the next 48 hours as my partner and I made plans to fly out to see him. This was made difficult by having no passport for my baby DD...we were literally on the phone to book the flights en route to the airport when the call came through: "He's astounded the medical team here, but he's 100% better, and they're releasing him today!" They came home a day later, I didn't stop hugging him for two days!

So I've been riding this wave of thankfulness for the last few months, though I picture the scene in my head at least once a day. This seems to have increased in the last few weeks and now I'm having nightly nightmares about it.

1. It's been 2 months since it happened. Why now?

1. Every time I speak to my ex, I almost "flashback" to the first phonecall of him sobbing, saying "DS's had an accident..." Sometimes that sentence runs in a loop in my head.

1. I imagine the whole thing, what he must have looked like in the pool all the way to how he must've looked laying in the hospital bed on a respirator. I don't know but it's almost like, because I didn't actually see him, I'm imagining it all worse than it probably was. But then I should be grateful I didn't have to see my baby like that, shouldn't I?

Is this normal? I feel like it's pretty fucking ABnormal. I should be grateful he's alive and ok, right? I mean I do remind myself of that, pretty much every time I look at him. He's not traumatised at all, thankfully.

Why can't I get over this? I need a virtual slap!

I'm not an expert, but I have experienced PTSD, and I think it's pretty normal. My symptoms started 6 years after the event that triggered them. It really is not uncommon for it to begin long after you think you've dealt with the issue and moved on. I would go to your GP and ask to see someone. I'm glad you're son is ok.

Look into emdr therapy. I was lucky and could get it on NHS but varies where ever you live. One session and the results were dramatic. It's like you need your brain to be disrupted when thinking about the trauma so it does not go into panic when reminded of the event.

yanbu. It was a horrible, traumatic experience (and it was quite recent) so I think it's entirely normal that you're still shaken up about it! It might help to talk to a counsellor - ask your GP for advice.

Your mind is possibly still trying to process what happened - after all, you were in panic mode trying to deal with it at the time - and is only now exploring the could-have-beens, if that makes sense.

Good luck!

Wow, I'm not surprised you are having nightmares about it, and it is possible that you will benefit from some counselling to help to put it to bed. It is every parent's worst nightmare! So - a big virtual hug from me :-) and I'm so pleased your son recovered 100%! I would go and see your GP and I'm sure they would be able to point you in the right direction - you don't want it casting a shadow over any more of your life. Xxx

On the basis of what you've described it doesn't sound to me like you have PTSD. (I work in MH.) Post-traumatic stress, yes, but not in a disordered way: flashbacks are normal in the period following a traumatic experience, can take a while to surface, and in most cases fade with time as your mind processes what happened.

It becomes PTSD when the symptoms are persistent and/or escalating, and you start altering your behaviour to avoid situations that trigger the flashbacks. To put it another way, if in six months you're still having flashbacks, nightmares and panic-type symptoms, and are avoiding making phone calls or even interacting with your ex because it triggers the symptoms, then I'd say you need specialist help.

I think this is normal and yanbu to be traumatised, what a horrible experience. I'm having a similar issue at the moment when dsis calls all I can think about is the phonecall I received 8 weeks ago saying that my df had died suddenly. I feel like I'm worse now than I was in the weeks immediately afterwards, so I think it has something to do with things sinking in. I guess that as time goes on the situation becomes more real - and for you it must be the realisation of how frightening it was. I agree with dancinglady about you being in panic mode and only now 'coming to'. Hopefully this will fade soon

It sounds like Post trauma stress which is so normal. What a horrendous experience for you. Talk it out with a friend/ partner as much as you need to. Cry if you need to, get angry.

I have PTSD and it sort of goes further than what you describe where it impacts every aspect of your life. Going to great lengths to avoid triggers that cause flashbacks, having to "ground" to remain in the "here and now", stuff like that.

I am sorry you had such a frightening experience but I would say everything you feel is normal, don't beat yourself up, feel whatever you feel and be gentle with yourself.

Doesn't sound at all abnormal to me. What a horrible thing to happen. And it's early days yet - only two and a bit months. Not surprised you're suffering post traumatic stress about it. Please talk to your GP.

hi op. I have a similar story and hope sharing it wil help.

last year my 13 year old dd was returning from a school ski trip when her coach ( full of girls) crashed in France. one teacher was killed( family friend) and other of the adults and children were injured from life changing injuries to cuts and bruises.

we heard about the crash firstly from a worried parent who had heard it from a lad on the boys coach saying the girls had crashed.

we saw the crash reported on the Internet. we heard there had been at least one death and many injuries.

we had 4 hours of absolute agony including pictures on sky news if the crashed coach and reporters swarming around the school, until we heard that our dd was alive but injured.

can you imagine watching sky news and seeing them talking about your child, totally surreal and unbelievable.

the Police then knocked on the door to say she was in hospital in France. her head had gone through her window and she had been cut out of her seat.

anyway she is now healthy bar niggles and having counselling for PTSD.

myself and dh can't let it go. we obviously have a court case ongoing so that helps channel our energy.

we talk about it a lot, I personally can't go on a motorway now without panicking. I find it extremely difficult to not cling to my older children and need to text them daily to ensure they are alive.
the school were fantastic but the teachers were suffering themselves.
my dd told the counsellor that she couldn't talk to us as dad got cross with the driver and mom cries!! that felt bad, like we had failed her.

I completely understand you op as the shock and horror never ever leave you. lets hope time helps us all.

by all means access some help. just talking helps. you have lived through a shocking event. give yourself the right to be changed/affected by it. you are a changed person.

Thanks for replies. DP is on holiday this week so we've been de-cluttering the flat.

I really appreciate the validation that I'm not being over-dramatic or silly. I think it's definitely what some of you've mentioned...my mind is finally trying to process what's happened.

thebody, thank you especially for sharing your story with me. It's probably the closest I've come to in similarity in so far as you know how it feels to almost lose a child and that it was happening far away from you. Such a helpless feeling as a mother.
I am glad you are able to process it in your own way, and very happy to hear your DD is ok.

But thank you all for listening and encouraging words. Hoping for a nightmare-free night.

hope you do too op. how about doing what we are and wrapping up, going into the garden and watching the meteor shower. 😄

good luck for the future xx

That is exactly our plan! The space station is supposed to be visible, too.

Thank you, you too xx

God yes! absolutely yanbu. that sounds horrific. to not even know whether your ds was alive or dead, I can't imagine. it's totally understandable you feel this way. my ds is nearly 3 and this summer fell over in the pool, lost his footing and couldn't stand back up. the image of his little face, absolutely stricken, gulping in water, will never leave me. And what you've been through is 100 times worse than that. I wish you the best.

I also work in mh and you do have symptoms of PTSD. Worth going to your gp about it. Ask for some support. Emdr, cbt.

Thank you for replies. I think I will see my GP this week.

Try to see your doctor soon.

I've had it, part of it will always remain. I wish I'd had proper help at the time (12 yrs ago.)

I got through it by going abroad, and having no triggers. That is too drastic an action though Good luck, I'm so sorry this happened to you.