to ask you about panic attacks?

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Had an unexpected one (first one ever) at the beginning of the week.

There was no mistaking it even though I've never seen/had one. I was crying about something I was upset about (been quite stressed lately) and ended up hyperventilating, vomiting and couldn't stop my arms and legs shaking. Spent the rest of the night clasping my pillow and trying to sleep (took ages to wind down afterwards).

Has anyone else had similar and not gone on to have any/many more. (I had another one the next night and feel like I might again at least once a day since then). Should I go to the GPs? Or is it likely to pass?

Can you tell I'm a bit clueless?

Well done for getting out, Orchard - bravo

ime all these learned skills (eg breathing etc) do go somewhere, they are effective in the long run. It also won't be like this forever re the panic and fear/anxiety - this too shall pass. eg I used to have appalling insomnia (to the point that I'd panic if I saw the bed) and now I sleep like a log, never have a problem. I never thought such a day would arrive, the insomnia seemed so entrenched, but here it is. I've already posted about being crippled with panic attacks and now I get none and they are a very distant memory. Just thought I'd encourage you with that.

I'm just in the middle of watching a programme on the telly about dogs. I wonder if dogs, or pets, would help re panic attacks??

Thank you. I called the Talking Therapies place and they'll call back with an appnt for some CBT which is great

When I think about it I've always been anxious, since I was a young teenager and though it's sometimes alright I've often over-worry & work myself up, especially now I'm an LP and pretty skint (not that I have pity parties about it, I deal with it by just trying not to dwell on it usually). All this lack of sleep just compounded everything I think but maybe it's a bit of a blessing in disguise that'll help me really address the anxiety and the roots of it.

I would love a dog but we're not allowed pets here.

I really do relate to that fear about money as a LP. I was rabid with fear sometimes (often ) about money. or lack of it, of course.

I remember a time when I got a £600-ish bill for unpaid council tax (which I had unwittingly not paid), with the attendant alarming and frightening letters from the council, and I was paralised with fear [councils use fear a lot, I've found ]. This was back in the day and £600 was a lot. I've had some pretty hefty bills since then, much more than £600 lol, and I wish I could talk to myself back then and tell myself not to worry, that there is a way through, a way to get them off your back.

I sometimes get a glimpse that fear isn't real - does that make sense? Almost that it has a personality of its own, is an add-on, not logically connected with what's going on, not really. Or, I get a glimpse of what life/a situation would be like without the fear. don't know if you know what I mean!

I do know what you mean.

Feeling all panicky again just because the CBT people called back and said I could only have a monday appnt for my first one and DS is at nursery tues, thurs and fri. SO now I have to find someone to take him and the whole thing's making me want to not bother and I feel pathetic that something that trivial has got me panicking Fuckety!

Just got an email off them. Depression score was 24 out of 27 and Anxiety was 13/21. That's not as high as it sounds is it? If you're already stressed about things and surely no one's ever at zero on both?

springytooty Yeah /i don't tend to follow posts so much, if i don't see it on the first page i tend to not go looking for them.

" you appear to be rubbishing things that people hold on to (for dear life) and I feel offended at your self-proclaimed 'expertise' - which is not particularly evident in the contents of your posts; save info. This is a very difficult and sensitive disorder, please take care."

I'm rubbishing what we call safety behaviours because in the long run they are making people suffer more. You hold on to things for dear life because they make you feel safe, of course, everyone would do that it is a natural reaction...but a hell of a lot of science has gone into understanding that these things just make anxiety worse in the long run.
There are a lot of difficult and sensitive disorders out there, I'm not going to sugarcoat on AIBU. In terms of my 'expertise' I treat panic disorder every week....and if you came to see me i would be much nicer because I would not be posting in AIBU :p

TheOrchardKeeper No one is 0 on both. That indicates severe depression and moderate anxiety. But only tests over the last 2 weeks...and anxiety score is likely to be low if you are avoiding things.

Appreciate that safety behaviors make it worse but I'm not doing that (yet) and as far as I can tell, I think these BBs will work for me short term. Still feel really disconnected from everything & exhausted but made myself do the washing up, give DS a bath and clean up a bit, to try and get some endorphins going and make sure the house doesn't get into a state, as i'd be the one cleaning it eventually anyway. I've never actually found day to day tasks so hard , not even when I was very ill the first time. DS is in bed though so I should try and get some sleep. Will keep posting as it helps, even if no one reads it/responds.

ime kindness and care from a therapist goes a huge way to helping me to feel safe. Technique etc can even come 'second' to that - yy technique is good, of course, but within a safe framework. Probably why you are feeling frightened about the monday meetings Orchard because it doesn't feel kind or caring but forcing you to jump through hoops to get what you need.

Please keep posting, there are a lot of people who relate to what you're going through.

I called DM and told her as she has the week off and she offered to have him that afternoon, which is a relief. I was worried I wouldn't find anyone to have him and would have to wait ages for an appnt that fitted in with nursery. After that it'll all fit in so that's good

I'm less nervous about having another P'attack now it's been a few days which is good, though I still feel on edge and catch myself barely breathing and have to remind myself not to get too tense without realizing. I'm hoping the 4 week or so wait isn't too bad I guess and am probably more nervous about waiting it out than I'm admitting to myself.

Thank you for posting btw springy - it helps to talk to people that have been/are going through it as DP & DM are very supportive but don't seem to fully understand how hard it's making things and how tiring it is to feel like that most of the time.

(I don't mean that in a pity party sense and know i'm lucky to have them. Just find it helpful to post here too as I don't really know what to expect or how to handle it, as I've never had anxiety like this before and it's all been a bit of a shock, silly as it sounds)

DS has been whingeing for half an hour now

Have just gone in so hopefully that's it for the evening!

And breaaaaaaaaathe

last post! Swear.
Also feel crap today because i've eaten more junk/easy stuff out of tiredness and have felt starving all week (no exaggeration). Am a small size 14, 5ft 7 and not in any rush to get any fatter but here I am

I'm too tired/stressed to care though atm

You have my sympathy Orchard.

I had debilitating panic attacks for many years from my late teens into my mid-20's. My 'thing' was that I thought I was going to throw up when I had a PA (mostly in crowds). So I started eating only really benign things like carrots and avoiding crowded situations. It was truly horrendous and I became very thin. I used to walk five miles to and from work in London to avoid the tube. I hated meetings and would get there super early to get a seat by the door. I just hated my life and thought that my healthy body should go to someone who was sane and not be wasted on someone as pathetic as me. My friends had no patience with me as I couldn't sit in restaurants, I hated any sort of social situations and the idea of going to the theatre - well, it was never going to happen.

I didn't think there was a cure. I took BBs for big occasions (I sometimes had to make presentations at work) and they certainly helped for a time. I had a highly pressurised job and people around me fell like flies with nervous breakdowns. I sometimes wonder if my panic attacks saved me from a worse fate (ie., breakdown) because I at least had some release in these attacks which left me exhausted afterwards.

And then one day, the worst thing in my imagination happened to me. I had to travel on the tube, no way out of it. The train was packed to the rafters and we got stuck in a tunnel. I said to a tube worker who happened to be next to me (I was in the carriage next to the driver - my safety net) "how long will we be stuck for" and he replied "dunno, love - could be hours". That triggered the worst panic attack I have ever had. It was utterly horrendous. I thought "this is it: I'm a goner" and the panic kept flowing and flowing and it peaked and then peaked some more. I looked around wildly in panic and everyone else was just reading their papers, annoyed by the delay (which I considered a life threatening situation because I might die of panic). I sucked in breath and thought I was going to faint. Luckily nobody could see me as we were literally crammed in like sardines. And then - after a good 20 minutes of this I didn't faint or puke or die and I started to suck in less air and try to breathe. After 40 minutes of this, I started to actually feel normal. After another 20 minutes I took out my paper and read it.

When we finally pulled out of the station, I felt such a surge of relief that I had 'survived' my worst fear. Since then, I have been mostly ok. I still get them from time to time but I know how to control them and I know that nothing will ever be as bad as that tube ride and hey, if I could survive that, I could do anything. (Well, not anything - I still sit in the aisle at the cinema)

I have gone from a size 8 to a size 14 but I am so happy now. I actually associate thinness (for me) with illness and I relish life, food and doing things that I was always so scared of.

I accidentally faced my fear and it worked for me. I suppose that's an extreme case of accidental CBT.

Good luck to all the sufferers out there.

And BTW, I hate fucking carrots these days!

oh cuppa what an extraordinary story! So encouraging

Crap food makes you feel crap, though. I'm not lecturing you because I am an addictive overeater and, when I'm stuck in overeating, I just let it flow BUT I also make sure I factor in the good stuff too somewhere in the day. Not ideal but better than eating crap, crap and more crap with not a carrot lol veg or fruit in sight.

Is there anything at all that you do that switches off the anxiety? ie being so absorbed in something that for a while you let go, somehow? For me it's telly - it is completely untaxing and I can just get absorbed and abandon myself to it. Sometimes reading but that's a bit hit or miss because it demands something of one and sometimes one has nothing to give tbf. Also socialising but you can't just turn on a button and there it is (and turn it off when you've had enough lol). I say this because even half an hour's break from the relentless grip of anxiety is a good thing - even if you have to manufacture it.

I should say compulsive overeater - in that I have a problem with overeating, and I know it and face it and do something about it (OA). I've recently had some really awful things happen and, lo and behold, the old bogey has reared its head and i'm back in the thick of the old addiction pfft. Day at a time...

re thinking of things that switch off anxiety - I like to think of it like scales in my life: what am I putting in that at least balances things up a bit? One therapist talked about a tank, filling your tank; but I prefer to think of scales and making sure I daily factor in some good stuff to address the balance; even if it's for 5 minutes.

eg doing something nice, that I enjoy, that is simple, which makes me pause from the relentlessness. I know of a woman who got a bunch of flowers, put them on the coffee table, sat down and just looked at them for 5 minutes.

(that woman wasn't me btw)

It's ^ not < springy you've done it enough times

OP I had a panic attack about 10 years ago when under extreme pressure at work. I was in the supermarket and had an overwhelming sense of suffocating and needing to leave - I ran off leaving a bewildered dh stranded at the checkout with the half scanned shopping.

Frightened the life out of both of us but it was a one off. (The stress got worse and I became quite ill but never had another panic attack)

Cuppa that is an extraordinary story - I felt quite anxious just reading it!

Wow. That's quite an achievement Cuppa !
Glad you're doing much better now. And carrots are the devil's work. Bluergh

I don't know if I had a different sort of PA or what but the first 2 times I felt like I had literally frozen in fear, besides the shaking etc. I couldn't have got up if someone had paid me! Not sure if that's common? It's partly why I'm worried about it happening in public/in front of DS. I'd hate to be stuck like that in front of anyone but close family/DP! Hope everything's ok/better now ShoeWhore ?

And I know what you mean about the diet springy' . I'm eating as much varied, healthy stuff as I can at the moment to try and make sure I'm not making things worse by lacking important things from my diet but then I go and eat too much...of everything!

Though every now and again I feel like I can't eat because my stomach feels like it's a been contorted into a balloon animal

Must try and get out today...even if the weather is grey and wet!

Trying to hold onto the fact that my mum's having DS for 2 nights this weekend so I can sleep like a normal person and am going to try go out with DP and socialize on the Saturday evening (which goes against my longing to be a hermit right now, so is probably a good idea to keep myself doing 'normal' things so i dont become a hermit)!

Yes thanks orchard - I had a rough year but made some big lifestyle changes and am much better - it's all ancient history now.

Hope you feel better soon.

That's good to hear

Thank you/.

Meant to be seeing DP later but he finishes work at 7 then has to go home to pick up stuff for tomorrow from home and won't be over til half 8/9 and I'm just too tired to start an evening at half 8/9. I think I'll ask him to just pop over on the way home from work (so he'll be over at 7:30) and then I can have an early one. He has to pass my place to get home anyway...and I'm still knackered!

I've asked him. All sorted. Bit of a relief. I've been really passive lately when I shouldn't be and need to try and make sure i'm taking care of myself even if it means being assertive/makes me uncomfortable at the time IYSWIM.

I'm usually fine but have been a complete wet blanket these last few months