AIBU to think friend isn't really acting like a friend?

[Babybunny88]

One of my friends of 9 years has 2 boys and a baby girl on the way and lives with her DP. They make up and break up every bloody week and I am sympathetic to her and always listen to her rants. It's always about the same thing, her DP behaves like a spoiled brat. Bare in mind, this is the way it has been from the start, he didn't suddenly just change over the 4 years they have been together.

Anyway, I try my best to be a good friend to her and visit her, play with her children, pick her up when she wants to come to my house and drop her home again. At birthdays and Xmas I buy her and her children presents because that's what friends generally do!

On my birthday DP and I were going to the cinema and I text my friend that day to see what she was up to. She said she wasn't doing much and asked what I was doing doing told her about the cinema and told her what film we were going to see. She replied back with "let me know if its good as I would like to see it." I didn't hear from her for the rest of the weekend. She didn't even send me a happy birthday text. I'd assumed she'd forgotten.

A few days later I was at her house and mentioned I had a hairdressers appointment. She brought up the point that hairdressers prices could be really dear and I said "well it's my brothers treat he bought be a voucher for my birthday" she looked at me and said "oh right. I like that hairdressers." Not a word about my birthday.

Now I didn't expect her to throw me a party and buy me a big expensive present (didnt even expect any present at all) but I was expecting a happy birthday text or call on the day, considering that's what friends do. On her birthday I bought her a card and a voucher for a clothes shop she really likes. Plus lots of nice clothes, books etc for her children's birthdays.

I know she has been having issues but AIBU or am
I inclined to feel a little hurt?

YANBU she called have called/text you at least

She is being a bit crap, yes. While there potentially is the excuse of baby brain or being distracted if her DP's being an arse she can still say happy birthday can't she?

The only possible excuse/reason is that she cannot afford to buy you a present and feels awfully embarrassed about it so cannot talk to you about it.

I think she is setting the bar for your friendship. I would take the hint, this is what she expects from you to. It's good to know where you stand really.

I am speaking from a similar experience here.

Thanks for your replies everyone. I know she's having problems and did not want her buying me a gift. But I think a friendship needs to be two-way and an acknowledgement would have been enough.

I ignored my friends birthday. She made comments about things people had said/done on her birthday and I never made any comment or acknowledgment.

But in fairness it was my 40th birthday the month before and she totally ignored it.

I had always bought her a card and flowers on her birthdays but she always forgot mine. My 40th was the icing on the cake after the huge fuss I made of hers when she was 40.

Childish I know but I was really pissed off with her.

Yanbu

It would upset me too

But it isn't really a friendship though. You're the audience for her drama. You sound so lovely, find someone who is worthy of your thoughtfulness.

Thank you Ihatethecold, I didn't want to seem petty.

Vodkajelly- that is shocking on your friends part! And not at all childish. Sounds like we have had similar experiences. Doesn't feel very nice :(

'You're the audience for her drama'

Great way of summing it up.

She sounds so selfish and wrapped up in herself that there's no room for you.

But then saying that, I used to buy a little present/send card for my mate every year and she'd do the same back, but it tailed off after a while.

I can't remember who started the not bothering apart from ageist piss taking fb messages, so it must have been a gradual thing.

Your friend might feel she can't afford the equivalent of vouchers every year (I know you said you didn't expect anything, but the expectation is in what you choose to give her), if that's the case it could be a bit awkward for her when your birthday's brought up, so much so that she just avoids it completely?

Although it sounds like you're sick of the whinging anyway, why flog a dead horse eh?