To think about cutting this friendship short?

[BlueberryCream]

I have this one particular friend who at the moment I dread when she phones or says she's calling over. She's so selfish. Everything centres around her. If I have a problem and ask for advice she always turns it around to talk about herself and how she has bigger problems. During phone conversations she always butts in when I'm talking and goes 'You'll get over it somehow, anyway I'm doing...' When I go back to talk about something she always cuts the conversation short when she's finished on about herself and hangs up.

We've known each other years but as of late she's really grating on me with it all. She pouts if we don't go out and go exactly where she wants to go and do what she wants to do. Family wise we've had a rough few months (berevement) and she still managed to make it about herself and offered very little support.

Aibu to want to just cut the friendship?

At least put it on hold for a few months until your possibly ready to deal with her again. I've had a very similar experience with a friend, she's great fun on a night out and can be such a laugh but on an everyday basis she's self absorbed and very very selfish. It got so that even when I saw her socially I couldn't be bothered with her "me me me" stuff and stopped returning her calls. We still chat occasionally (we have mutual friends) but I would never arrange to meet her on a one to one basis again.

She's one of those who has a change of boyfriends every few months and each time is totally devastated it's over. Nobody's problems are anywhere near as stressful and as big as hers apparently...

Yeah, I know the type. I've had more than one "friend" like this over the years. One we used to call "Yeahbut" because even when you pointed out that her problem was a bit minor compared to someone else's or not as bad as she was making out she would immediately respond with "Yeah but...." and ramp up the issue so it was somehow "worse" than everyone else's. I distanced myself from her when I moved to a different part of the country. I've no idea what she's up to now, we totally lost touch.

She probably thinks that if she had what you have then she'd have no problems, therefore you have no problems. I'd just avoid her for a bit until you feel like you can deal with her again, it's no fun having friends who are so short sighted.

yanbu. this friendship isn't adding to the sum of your happiness but taking away from it.

screen her calls, don't respond unless she asks you a direct question, and when she invites herself over tell her you're busy with family stuff, another time perhaps (and don't commit to a time, you can use the 'I need to check with mum/mil/playgroup/dh/anyone else you can think of that she doesn't know well' method)

Hopefully you can do it tactfully so she doesn't realise she's being dropped, but if not, would it be the end of the world?

The way I'm feeling about it at the minute, no it wouldn't be the end of the world. It could all be to do with the current stress we're under ourselves though - adding to how I feel.

I think cutting it for the time being would be the answer for now - until we've dealt with what we're going through. I think it's more to do with I need to deal with our own problems before dealing with her trivial matters.

Hope the current stress resolves itself soon. Do you want to talk about it?

You can 'cut it' or just cool it, or renegotiate it.

As Cushtie says - there are people who in some ways are great fun, but don't provide the kind of friendship you want in a particular way, or at a particular time. I think you need to decide how you want this friend in your life, or if you just don't want to see them.

If you've had a rough time and what you want are friends to listen and help you, and let you find a way through problems, then it's fine to let other friendships take a back seat. There may come a time when you want to go out and party and have a friend who's 'full of themselves' - just not right now.

I tend to be in favour of renegotiating friendships if at all possible rather then burning bridges completely. MN seems to be quite a 'just cut them off' place IME. obviously that is an option, and sometimes you really can't renegotiate, others aren't understanding or flexible.

If you do want to cut them out of your life forever, be sure it is what you really want, and be prepared for some upset and fall out too.

Thanks all. I think I'll just leave the friendship take a back seat for now. She knows the current situation so I'll just explain that for now I need to deal with things but will get back to her when I'm ready. If she can't accept that then the onus is on her and obviously she doesn't value our friendship herself.

Dame, I lost one of my younger brothers a few months back due to a drunk driver. We're slowly coming out the other end as best we can. I've been dealing with it pretty OK over the last few weeks but it's hit me like a ton again today.

Id just let the friendship fade out. Life is truly too short and precious to hold onto friendships that make you feel anxious or stressed. True friendship isnt about that at all and there sounds to be a control freak element here - not fun to deal with at all. Your feelings matter. Unless she is absolutely essential to your (social) life in some way she can just be an occasional friend.

Some people don't have the ability to 'verse' their empathy. She no doubt feels for you but is absolutely no good at expressing it.

Tell her, if she means anything to you.

I had a cot death (years ago) a gf that I adored was on the phone, I was sobbing talking about it. She said 'never mind eh'. It took me a long time to forgive her but I did.

I'm so sorry about your db. (I lost one of those too). xx