Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP going to see old friend.

21 replies

Caff2 · 11/08/2013 00:02

My partner of 14 years and father of both of my children, aged nearly 13 and 1, has a very good friend from uni. She is coming "home", as in her mum's house, next week for a visit. Her mum lives quite near to us, she lives in London. His friend has a two year old and is pregnant with her second child;her husband is not coming because of work.

I assumed, because she had her child with her, and our older son is away with friends on holiday, that we would (me, him and ds 2) be going together to meet her. No, he says it "won't be the same, I want to catch up with her, etc etc". Which is fine. So I made plans to do something with ds2 with a friend of mine so he can catch up with her.

But, this is wrong, apparently. He's planning to take ds 2 to go and spend time with her and her little girl.

Aibu to think its weird that I'm not invited to this visit?

OP posts:
MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 11/08/2013 00:08

Nah, they'll be discussing the 'old' days and he thinks you'll be bored out of your mind.

I wouldn't go with my DP and an old friend catch up.

littlewhitebag · 11/08/2013 00:09

No, not really. They want to catch up and probably drone on about people and things you know nothing about. Your DS will be ale to keep her DD company while they do this. You would just be bored. Let them get on with it and do something relaxing just for yourself.

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 11/08/2013 00:09

It does seem strange to me.

If he just wanted to catch up with her himself, that would make sense. However, specifically not inviting you seems a bit odd. Perhaps he wants the kids to play with eachother and become friends, especially if she's planning to stick around? So he wants to introduce them, but still catch up with her iyswim.

Still seems odd but only thing that could make any sense to me. Have you asked him why he is taking DC2 and not wanting you to come along as well?

Original poster
Caff2 · 11/08/2013 00:11

Ok! Just felt a bit left out. Now planning lie in and relaxation day sans kids! :)

OP posts:
Wuldric · 11/08/2013 00:12

YABU

Don't worry about it - let them catch up on shared history etc

He's probably taking your tot to keep her tot company while they have a natter.

mynewpassion · 11/08/2013 00:13

I would be bored if they will be talking about people I don't know. Maybe her mother can't babysit her child so he's taking dc2 to keep the child company.

Original poster
Caff2 · 11/08/2013 00:15

My tot and her tot will be a pain in the neck together ime of little people aged one and two. Hahaha! I now feel quite enthusiastic about thie plan, thinking about it! ;)

OP posts:
Original poster
Caff2 · 11/08/2013 00:17

That wasn't meant to sound mean, in case it did, just that, if I went, I can see that I would be trying to entertain the smalls whilst they chatted!

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 11/08/2013 00:19

Well, I wouldn't want to drag my dh to a catch up with my old friends. They will feel weird about talking about the good old days as you won't know what they are on about.

They would have to either not talk about it or do long explanations for you.

And if my friend had dc then I would want to take my dc for a bit of a play.

AgentZigzag · 11/08/2013 00:23

On just the things you've written about YABU.

But you've read them as weird, what is it that's made you think along those lines?

If he was taking your DS to meet a bloke friend ('man friend' would sound weird Grin), would you feel the same?

Does that suggest you don't trust him/her not to be up to something?

Has he done anything else that's made you wonder about them?

Wuldric · 11/08/2013 00:24

YY, whenever I catch up with old old old friends whom I haven't seen for a while, I'd want the first catch up at least to be minus partners. I feel I just need to re-establish the connection properly IYSWIM.

Original poster
Caff2 · 11/08/2013 00:25

It's ok, I'm over my unreasonableness. I'm cool with it now, I just felt a bit left out when he said he was taking ds2 and going without me. I don't know why. Actually, I guess I'd like to have got to know her a bit too, as she is a really good friend of my partner and I've only really met her at her wedding and her baby's christening, when obviously she was busy, so not much at all.

It's a bit weird that we don't know each other at all, her husband also doesn't know my partner well, but we don't live close by and all have busy jobs, so I guess that's normal.

I tend to be more "mixy" with my friends, whereas my partner and his friends tend to have more separate parts of their lives.

OP posts:
Wuldric · 11/08/2013 00:30

:) Good

But you have to get your partner to bring her round for dinner another time

claraschu · 11/08/2013 00:33

Why don't you invite her and her daughter and mother over for dinner (or just to play,) if you want to get to know her?

Original poster
Caff2 · 11/08/2013 00:33

I think it's more about me being left alone and redundant with everyone off doing things...but I've just remembered - I'm now totally free for the whole day! :)

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 11/08/2013 00:34

Yes invite her over for dinner with her dc. If she's staying with her mum she might be glad of somewhere to go for a while. My mum gets a bit sick of us when we are all staying with her.

Original poster
Caff2 · 11/08/2013 00:38

That's a good idea actually, she and dp could have their day together and then she could come and see our house and stuff and get to know me a bit more. Thanks for the suggestion.

OP posts:
Original poster
Caff2 · 11/08/2013 00:40

Also, her mum is suffering with cancer, so a break from a toddler might be good for an hour or two.

OP posts:
BrummyMummy2012 · 11/08/2013 00:41

I think your probably feeling a little left out but its not unreasonable of you x
Leave him to it, enjoy the peace for a while x then maybe invite her over for dinner before she goes home :) x

Original poster
Caff2 · 11/08/2013 00:51

I might suggest a lunch before she goes back to London if she's got time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Caff2 · 11/08/2013 00:53

It would be nice to get to know her a bit as she's an important person for dp.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread