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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's not normal to give your children permission to throw things at strangers?

39 replies

ImNotBloody14 · 10/08/2013 21:21

sitting with dcs aged 8 and 4 in a fast food place. I had queued (massive queue as the place was packed) whilst dcs sat at the table. when I sat down ds1 told me that a girl had been making fun of him. I asked what girl and he pointed behind me so I turned round and saw that it was a girl around his age. I turned back and told him to ignore that sort of behaviour. I said it to him at a level only he could hear. the next thing I heard was an adult woman loudly saying "if you've something to say, say it to my face" I turned and it was the woman with the girl and she was looking at me. so I asked "what?" with a confused face because I really didn't have anything to say to her I had chosen to ignore whatever her child had done. anyway she didn't answer me and looked away and started eating her food so I turned back to my food and the next thing I felt this thud on my back. ds said "the girl threw something at you" so I turned again and asked the girl why she had thrown something at me. she ignored me and the mother said there was no need for me to ask why, I knew why, that we had been giving her dirty looks. I told her I hadn't given anyone dirty looks (I really hadn't), explained that my son said a girl had been making fun of him and I asked him to show me which girl, he pointed so I looked and that was all so there was no need for anyone to be throwing anything. the mother replied "she's my child and if I give her permission to throw stuff she can" and then some other incomprehensible stuff that I couldn't make out as I had already turned away again choosing to ignore her. she ranted on and on about the sort of person I was and lots of stuff I couldn't make out peppered with swearing every other word, massive queue of people with lots of children hearing it. then she got up and her final shot at me was "tramp" as she walked past our table to leave! Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
ImNotBloody14 · 10/08/2013 21:23

should add that I wasn't at all annoyed by what happened til ds later apologised to me for getting something thrown at me. he thought it was his fault because he had told me what she had done when I wasn't there.

OP posts:
Nombrechanger · 10/08/2013 21:25

Some people are just scum. Don't worry about it. Just be glad that its not your family who are the scum.

Nombrechanger · 10/08/2013 21:26

Your son sounds lovely and is obviously protective of his mum. That's a good thing.

pianodoodle · 10/08/2013 21:29

I second nombre's answer.

People around can always tell who's behaving like a dick and who isn't. Sounds like you didn't rise to it - because you know how to behave in front of your child and she doesn't!

Original poster
ImNotBloody14 · 10/08/2013 21:29

he is very sensitive and broods on things. he had actually come up to me while I was in the queue and I asked him to go back to the seat so someone didn't take it, i'm now wondering if he was feeling intimidated sitting there Sad- he's in bed now but will speak to him tomorrow.

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SofiaVagueara · 10/08/2013 21:34

Do you live near Bromley?

BlueberryCream · 10/08/2013 21:39

There's some feral people about who don't know how to behave in public. How immature of the child's mother. You handled it in the best possible way by not stooping to her level of childishness.

Original poster
ImNotBloody14 · 10/08/2013 21:42

no i'm not in England. does she sound familiar? Grin

I was thinking it through and she said I knew why I had something thrown at me, apparently it was because I had given dirty looks. so lets say I had done ( I swear I didn't) what on earth did she think throwing something at me would achieve? Confused do some people stop maturing beyond 8 years of age? I mean there was no logic in what she was saying. did she expect me to say " oh do forgive me you are so right, throwing stuff is of course the correct response to getting a dirty look" Hmm

OP posts:
iamadoozermum · 10/08/2013 21:48

I would have loved to see her face if you had said that to her though, I'mNotBloody14 Grin. And YANBU

Original poster
ImNotBloody14 · 10/08/2013 21:54
Grin

my cousin said I should have thrown my drink at her and told her my mum gave me permission to see what her response to that would be.

OP posts:
SofiaVagueara · 10/08/2013 21:56

Funnily enough I saw something similar the other day. It happened in a McDonalds. There are idiots everywhere.

SquinkiesRule · 10/08/2013 22:20

She has a screw loose, what a strange woman, pity the child.

Original poster
ImNotBloody14 · 10/08/2013 22:27

me too squinkies. the DD was laughing while the mum was ranting at me. odd- made me think this was a common occurrence? if my dcs saw me going at someone like that they would be shocked and probably a bit scared tbh.

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MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 10/08/2013 22:32

Ah, we need peeps like her in the world so that we appreciate the naice, normal people.

Wink
Original poster
ImNotBloody14 · 10/08/2013 23:35

very true MrsRK Smile

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samithesausage · 10/08/2013 23:36

I remember once someone accused me of giving them evils at the bus stop. I was actually looking to see if the bus was coming!
They're probably from the same family... Convinced everyone is looking at them! Grin

kreecherlivesupstairs · 10/08/2013 23:37

How bizarre. I'd have loved to see the drink thrown though.

Original poster
ImNotBloody14 · 10/08/2013 23:49

i'm too much of a wimp to throw a drink on anyone but I agree it might have been fun to watch...from a distance Grin

"Convinced everyone is looking at them"

it's a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy- paranoia about everyone looking at them leads them to create a scene meaning everyone bloody well IS looking at them!

I agree with you though- after DS apologised to me I told him that neither he nor I had done anything wrong and that people like that will find trouble whether it's there or not and that if it hadn't been me it would have been someone else that got the rough end of her attitude.

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shellbot · 11/08/2013 08:32

What an awful way to bring up a child. Unfortunately the girl will see her behaviour as normal and most likely teach her child the same.

I was swore at in the park the other day because I said no to a woman's dog that ran straight at DS2 and tried to stand between it and him. This woman had her grandchild with her who didn't seem at all bothered by the woman's anger and swearing.

I thought it was a shame that this probably wasn't the first time this woman had behaved this way.

shellbot · 11/08/2013 08:33

Your son sound lovely btw. I hope he forgets about it soon.

raisah · 11/08/2013 08:54

This type of behaviour is on the rise unfortunately and I see almost weekly examples of feral behaviour. Whereas before it would be every few months or so. You have to be really careful if you challenge somebody because it could turn violent, it is very easy to carry a small knife or screw driver in a bag or pocket . The sad thing is that these people are proud of their behaviour and are giving their kids an apprenticeship in antisocial behaviour.

TroublesomeEx · 11/08/2013 09:54

It seems to be a common theme is certain areas or with certain types of family.

A friend of mine was telling me recently that she was confronted in a supermarket about the fact she was "looking at" someone in an unacceptable manner.

She was, in fact, looking to see if something she wanted was at the end of that aisle!

Some people live very confrontational lives, see confrontation everywhere and challenge it constantly.

Original poster
ImNotBloody14 · 11/08/2013 11:40

yes folkgilr- what is this 'looking at me' thing people have? even if someone was looking at you- what bloody harm are they doing- they could be wishing you dead for all you know but aslong as they're only looking it's not harming anyone. and why would a stranger be looking at you for malicious reason?

anyway I spoke to ds this morning and he came up to me in the queue before the girl had made fun of him, he had just come up to ask if he could have a particular drink so that has made me feel better knowing I didn't send him back to put up with that. I told him if anything like that happens again then he can move tables so he cant see the person or just come to me and explain.

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Original poster
ImNotBloody14 · 11/08/2013 11:44

should add that I wasn't in my home town, we had visited the next town across for a huge even that was on and there were over 100,000 visitors to the town yesterday for the event so it was inevitable that people would cross swords especially with the swarms of people and stress about queuing, keeping an eye on children and possibly alcohol of course. I believe the police didn't get it easy there yesterday either so i'm glad I wasn't in more serious incident.

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MissMarplesBloomers · 11/08/2013 11:46

My cousin had a great line which I've not been able to use yet but one day......

Chav....."wotchoo lookin' at?"

Cousin " not sure, I think the label fell off"

Grin
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