To be annoyed with dp over love of junk food?

[Cheeseatmidnight]

Dp loves junk food. His normal day starts with no breakfast, rarely does he have lunch but if he does it is normally coke, sandwich, crisps and chocolate. Dinner is whatever I make, but then he fills up all evening until midnight at least with biscuits, crisps, chocolate, coffee, and a couple of glasses of Pepsi.

He is an adult, can eat what he likes, but I am concerned about the effect it is having on dd (2.7)

I am typing this in a mini huff in the bedroom. He just came home and went straight to the crisp cupboard. Dd starts saying she wants some. I then look exasperated and say 'she has just had a really healthy dinner and it is nearly bed time' at which point he puts the crisps back and starts ranting that no dd, you cannot have any crisps, daddy isn't even allowed crisps....

Then I was rude and said he eats junk and I hate dd seeing him eat junk at all hours when I am trying I establish good eating habits.

I don't want to bend in it but he is an adult and can do what he likes. I feel he does need to realise that he is now a role model though and dd wants to be him.... She will copy him. I have the same issue with his pint of Pepsi at dinner when I offer her milk or water.

Huff huff immature huff...

I don't think the problem is him eating junk...I think it's his immature attitude.

I'm imagining the scenario 'Oh I'm so sorry dd, but you just can't have that now' - ie in a tone that is likely to wind her up and end in tantrum or tears. Purely because the adult is in a strop and is point scoring. It's really unfair on the child.

An adult would make light of it and regardless of any issue with the other parent, say 'Oh not now, maybe tomorrow eh? Hey, how about we ...' and distract/offer fun alternative.

I had this exact issue with df yesterday. It sounds really childish so apologies in advance. We went to the beach. Got down there for 10am, set up etc...but it was actually quite chilly still. First thing he says? Come on ds1! Let's go for a swim! (Ds1 is 5) So I suggested they wait until it was actually warm as at that point it really wasn't. Cue tantrum from df and the scenario as above - 'I am so sorry dc but we just can't swim now. We have to wait, now come on, don't be disappointed...' This caused 10 minutes of tears from ds1.

If he had just said 'In a bit kids, lets play frisbee for a bit first' there would have been no issue.

We had a blazing row serious conversation when we got home where I told him just what an immature twat he was and that I won't stand for it and he has actually apologised. It's not the first time he's done it though and it pisses me off royally.

That is exactly what it is prettykitty, he flung the crisps back in the cupboard with a 'weeee can't have them, daddy can't even have them' etc etc Luckily dd was easily distracted with some bubbles.

I just went down to talk to him and all was nice, I offered him a drink, and he said yes. Dd said, daddy wants a drink mummy! Then he says, actually, no, not if its going to cause an argument.

He wanted Pepsi and refused anything else in front of dd.

I think I may go for the 'how weird, crisps after dinner! Daddy is so crazy!' Hadn't thought if approaching it like that!

I just asked him if we could at least appear to agree on the surface.

He said it would have only been a couple of crisps, but I pointed out that at 4 or 5 or 6 plus she is gong to want her own bag, try and get her own pop...

Then I became VERY immature and said when she is 25 stone and eating her own body weight in fizz and crisps we will know where it started. I know, below the belt. This is getting silly

Hmmm. You can't tell him what to eat.

It's also not fair to not buy them if he's contributing to the food budget and they're what he likes - everyone is entitled to treats. (Or allocate a set amount of money for "extras").

But there is a difficulty with snacking in front of dc.

My dh is the same as yours ... he hides in the kitchen and scoffs in there while the dc are busy elsewhere. Or we snack in the evening when they are in bed.

Cheeseatmidnight that won't happen! me and my partner both drink fizzy, offer it to my eldest (baby gets what he's given) and she would refused as fizzy is 'yucky'. I have never given it to her and when she stole a bit once it fizzed in her mouth and she spat it out and wont ever touch it again, I also explained from an early age what's for children/what's for adults/time and place. Seems a bit harsh but failing all that just don't have the junk in the house, he can buy and eat what he want's outside!!

as ur daughter is only young try the 'daddy is' crazy/mad/silly/weird route works wonders

It almost sounds as though you both have a few ishoos around food ... and are doing everything possible to ensure DD gets some, too.

YABU to try & control DH's tastes.
DHIBU to make a childish show of cheeking Mummy.
But you almost deserve it for acting like his parent!

Most adults are able to tell children quite nicely that they can't have crisps/pop/sweets/whisky/fags/the car/etc, for perfectly sensible reasons that kids will accept (mostly!)

How about you two giving it a go?

You do not get diabetes by eating too many carbs, unless eating those carbs make you fat. And even then you are not automatically going to get diabetes.

YANBU I completely feel your pain, My Dh was raised on Captain Birdseye...hadn't ever tried pasta or rice when we met
He has got good at trying some stuff and tries to get at least 3 a day of fruit and veg now which is impressive considering his start (he will have fruit juice apple or grapes and a few cooked veg, passata has been a godsend :))...still will not eat any raw veg, food is a bit of a weird issue with his family tho so I try not to blame him, it irks me sometimes as I try to mulch in some veg or make something lovely and in my heart I know if he had the option he would much rather be eating chicken dippers and waffles....
I think your other half needs to stop bringing your child into it, it needs to not be such a power tool between you both...but I don't know how easy that is to sort..

when we have kids I was thinking of telling them their dad has allergies to stop them thinking its ok not to eat healthily...not sure if they will grow up and hate me!xxx

Stop acting like the mother to both of them!

My DP likes crap. Mainly sweets or biscuits and fizzy pop. I buy 2 2 litres of fizzy pop on a Friday and when it's gone, it's gone. He can eat what he likes. DD can eat what she likes after she has eaten a healthy tea.

If you start now limiting treats and making them taboo she will crave them even more as she gets older and will start to be crafty about how she gets them. You are placing too much value on them.

Enforce her positive choices. So ask does she want a biscuit or an apple? An apple, oh that's a very healthy choice, good girl etc.

My DD is 9. Loves fizzy pop. Is sat with what she thinks is nearly a full big glass of one now. With ice in it. Lots of ice lol. It won't kill her and she will still have her own teeth in the morning. And on those 2 bottles have gone it w be dilute or milk or water the rest of the week.

Ask your DP to wait until you have all eaten before he raids the cupboard. Or at least until your DD has. And ifyou dont buy the pepsi is he likely to pick it up himself? I don't buy coke I must admit.

That would be my biggest problem. The pepsi in front of her every single night.

My children have never really had a problem with us eating things that they aren't allowed. I just used to tell them its grown ups food/drink worked really well for quite a few years!

He is being really immature. She's very young and I imagine goes to bed early - so plenty of time for 'snacking on crap' after she's in bed.

With Fizzy I'd treat it like wine/beer/coffee and tell him that he's to tell her that it's not for children - no more sips etc then he can drink it when he wants.

Eating as he does isn't good for him, but I'm not sure how you get that through to someone who doesn't want to hear it - it took me a diabetes scare to stop acting like a prat around food.

DH loves shit food too. I generally don't buy it apart from biscuits which get eaten in moderation. He came home from work today and reeled off a list of stuff management had put on for lunch - including burgers, fries, rocky road brownies, shortbread, cookies, 7UP, all on top of the sausage baguette he grabbed from the cafeteria on his way in.

He does, at least, appreciate that the children need to have a balanced diet and he doesn't undermine my attempts to gear them towards healthier snacks and meals. If he was as much of an immature nobber as the OP's DP I would have lost my marbles by now.

Just don't buy the stuff. You can't tell him what to eat but you don't have to enable his hideous diet. He can buy this stuff himself and eat it when your dd has gone to bed. Compromise!

Garlic you made me laugh - I don't think that was your intention but it did. Maybe we do have issues... No idea really, just worried about dd and the non united front on this issue,

Do people really not care if their partner eats like this? It was one of the death knells in my relationship with my ex; I found the constant face stuffing and grazing, all on high sugar crap, repellant and queasily reminiscent of Augustus Gloop, which isn't a quality I want in a life partner, really.
having said that, the bottom line was I didn't love him, so I think the eating became a focal point, rather than actually being that horrendous, IYSWIM.

Ha ha these replies are great, a real mixed bag which just shows how different people's attitudes are and how your family saw food influences your own parenting etc.

My family had no issues re food - no emphasis placed on sweets as a treat or arguments about veg. Mum bought stuff, when it was gone it was gone, end of and then we ate whatever there was. Dp has a family of feeders. I dread going over there as I am constantly given food... Snack.. Lunch.. Afternoon tea... 3 course meal.. All overweight a little, they think dd is odd as she doesn't like cake etc. I know there are issues which is why I am trying to give dd 90% savoury and be grown up about it. I don't want her to have issues but I think you may be right - she will have if we carry on like this.

I have tried the 'this is grown up food' but surely this just reinforces the crap about children's and grown ups food. I want us all to eat the same .. If is say certain things are grown up, they will be hankered after..

Maybe I am being a mother to him, but I can categorically say one thing... I NEVER buy the stuff. I purposely don't. I buy family puddings and bake, but he goes out weekly to Aldi and does his own junk shop. He loves it bless him! I have started a sweet day with dd where she can choose some from the shop and try to keep her on healthy ish food the rest of the time. Scuppered by dp may I add.

So... Do some of you really think I should just back off and just try and get as much healthy stuff into her and let her have some of daddy's crap?

Alconleigh... I do know where you are coming from... The biscuit chewing in my ear and seeing him walk in with a pile of 10.... Yes 10! Makes me go green.

I do love him though and that is what hurts I suppose, I am so so worried he will keel over

STOP BUYING THE SHIT FOOD

If he wants it, he can go and buy it himself.

Froubylou - that is my biggest issue really, plus biscuit towers and the fact that he doesn't wait for dinner when he is here but hovers eating crisps as he needs a snack to get his appetite going. He can't wait 10 minutes.

I feel so guilty as at the moment he is in the garden polishing a new bike we got second hand for dd and is taking her out tomorrow to buy accessories. He is only 10% nobber

BIWI - I don't! He buys it all himself and keeps it in a massive ikea bag in the shed and drip feeds it into to house!

Oh goodness. Then you need to have a serious conversation with him about food/nutrition and what you both want to achieve for your family.

YANBU to be annoyed with him on this basis. He is a knob.

Oh and may I add, his junk shop also includes lots of smoked salmon and olives... He is a foodie junk lover

Ha ha BIWI - it does make me laugh when I see what he has in there. He thinks he is Willy Wonka!

And to conclude... I just spoke to dp and said I would back off and let him handle dd... Hopefully he will think before giving her stuff, but I think I may just see what happens. Maybe he is giving it to her as he knows it will get to me... Reverse psychology? This may backfire...

Tell him to go on myfitnesspal. He can eat what he likes and when as long as it gets logged down. And look at itwwith him. Hopefully if he sees the amount of crap wrote down then he will realise how bad it is for him. And how too much is bad for DD.

And to keep a better track of what he is having maybe his shed needs a visitor? Maybe a rat shaped one? Few nibbled packs, a couple of raisons rolled up between your fingers should do the trick.

And I banned completely anyone snacking within 2 hours of the main meal. Anyone caught munching in that time doesn't get fed from me.

So they choose between a cooked meal or a plate of crap. You can't stop him snacking but you can stop feeding him if he is disrespectful that way.

My DP didn't eat in the day. Main meal at night followed by crap. He had undiagnosed divertulocis which led to a perforated bowel, appendicitis and perotinicus. He was about 2 hours away from septicaemia and dying. He still has a stoma on now.

His issues can't be entirely blamed on eating crap but a healthier life style might have made diagnosis happen sooner before it got so serious.

So now he still has crap but it is after 3 healthy meals and he doesn't have nearly as much. Diabetes isn't the only issue relating to poor diet. A friend of a friend lost her husband the same weekend mine was ill to the same thing.