To suggest DP contacts his ex

[Namechangingnorma]

So DH has an ex who he was engaged to but broke up with around 2.5 yrs before we met but carried on sleeping with occasionally until around 6 months before we met. Their relationship was based almost soley on heavy drug use, mainly cocaine and she was 13 years his junior (she was 20 and he 33 when they got together).
When we met he had quit hard drugs for a couple of months and has been clean now for over 2 years. We are from a small community and everytime we seem to go out with friends this ex will get brought up and we are told what a mess she is. She is now around 27 but by all accounts is still heavily taking drugs. Last night when out for dinner she was brought up in conversation by the other couple who said 'oh we keep seeing your X around she has started to go out into town on her own to try and find people to go out with and get free drugs from'. i thought about it last night, I have always had a really irrational sense of jealousy about this ex as she is a few years younger and much thinner than i (pathetic I know). However hearing this latest tale, I am just starting to feel sorry for her. I have thought about suggesting to DH that he gives her a call and talks to her about how much better he feels off the coke and to offer her some support as someone who has done a lot of drugs with her knows her well and understands addiction - AIBU?

Even if you don't have any concerns re. your DH relapsing, it would be unkind to get him to contact her. Partly for her sake - if he contacts her, she might think that he cares more for her than is the case, and it might cause more problems.

I really don't know why all your friends and acquaintance feel the need to tell him how she's doing all the time though; they should just let it go.

He's not the person to offer her support. Bad idea.

yep thanks ladies, I talked it through with DH and he was of the opinion of whilst its sad to hear, he didnt think he could do anything to help. I have asked in future if she is brought up again if he could just close the conversation down with a 'its sad but I dont really need to hear about it', its not just his ex that get's brought up, its generally a load of gossip about people I dont know, the ex is brought up witihin that.

You sound really lovely but I think it is a terrible idea.

Could be really dangerous for your dp remaining clean.

You sound lovely wanting to reach out and help her, but I think for your DH's sake you need to keep away. I have no experience of addiction but I imagine part of his rehabilitation is having no ties to the environment he was in at that time. Reconnecting with his ex, even with the best intentions, could jeopardise that.

People don't decide to give up an addiction because of a phone call from an ex. It sounds like she is prepared to act in a pretty demeaning fashion to get drugs so she is obviously far to into it for a simple phone call to do any good.

She will need to get to the point where it's all just too awful for her and she realizes she needs to give up. She has to really want to give up and it doesn't sound like she is anywhere near this point.

Steer well clear. Not your problem. How would you feel if, as a result of making contact with his ex at your request, your DP got back on the coke? It is indeed a sad case, but avoid, avoid, avoid!