To be surprised at how mundane big stuff can be

[StadtMitteHello]

Just thinking about this today

Every time something big happens in my life I somehow feel surprised at how mundane/everyday it can feel

Eg at my wedding, I remember after the service having photos in the church (was pissing down outside!) and hanging around a bit and just hearing people coughing and footsteps etc and thinking 'well this is all a bit pedestrian' and I realised it's because on TV all those boring bits get edited out and there's usually a soundtrack

Same thing in labour when all was going well (before it stopped going well) and I could hear a radio on outside, DH unzipping his bag, mws talking about weather etc and if felt so normal and uneventful

Experienced the same feelings at funerals and on Christmas Day too and now realise with shame I watch iso much tv that it has altered my perspective on real life!

Does anyone else get this?

I think it's a realisation that the life goes on for the rest of the world even when some thing 'big' is happening to you. Remember feeling this when my mother died. Part. of growing up is recognising that the life doesn't revolve around you

I know what you mean.

I think its because you build it up in your head to be the most amazing thing ever.

But when alls said and done, its just humans gathering together.

I think that's why sometimes the best things are the ones that were unplanned. No expectations.

I feel exactly this way. My wedding day was typically 'perfect' but I felt a bit detached from the whole thing and was awfully glad to get back to normal life afterwards. When I go through something 'big' I feel that it should have made me feel differently. Maybe it's childhood expectations or tv like you said. I've accepted that this is how I will react now though so it doesn't surprise me anymore.

I don't think it's necessarily due to watching TV, just that you somehow think that absolutely everything will be different when you are doing something big, whereas the truth is that you are still the same person, having the same (occasionally inappropriate) thoughts and with the entire rest of the world just carrying on almost as though they didn't care that you were doing something lifechanging.

I like it. It feels like a kind of privacy to me, like there's anonimity in the mundane. And because the big stuff is normally stuff about the fabric of life (birth,death, marriage/sex) it feels like you're helping to make a big patchwork quilt, in which your square is just as important - and unimportant - as everyone else's.

I definitely feel like this about Christmas, it never, ever lives up to my expectations. Last year was one of the best I've ever had because I virtually ignored it up until the last minute and stuck up a tree the night before. We had steak and chips for our dinner and invited friends round for a stupid game of Stand Up Bingo in the evening. I spent years trying to make it something out of Hollywood and it just isn't.

Some things are definitely bigger and more enjoyable in retrospect.
I've only had a few times in life where I've enjoyed things as they occur

Yes! Coming out of your house on your wedding day when it's been a morning of frantic faffing about and champagne and dresses and fluff and nonsense and crying, and you walk up to the waiting fancy car and the same old ladies are at the bus stop hawking into handkerchiefs and there's a bloke picking up dog poo. I like your op.

It happens with funerals as well. My FIL died very suddenly. He was a big cheese locally and it was a total shock when he died, he was very, very popular. Anyway, the funeral was HUGE and there were all these people sobbing and coming up to me and DH and snottering all over us. I loved my FIL but I just couldn't connect with his funeral. I kept thinking I was a bystander or watching a film or something. I've been to lots and lots of funerals and the smaller, more intimate ones affected me much more deeply, regardless of my connection to them.

I agree. The lead up to Christmas is so exciting and then you get there, and it's another day and I don't have anything life changing and it's got some more washing up and more TV watching.

No I don't agree at all but I never get excited so perhaps my expectations start lower. My wedding day was incredible but it was an oasis of calm and I was incredibly touched that my mum's neighbours lined the road as I got into the car. DS1's birth was a rite of passage and dd's an absolute joy - I remember the midwives names and the ages of their children, etc.. Funerals have been a bit more detached but profound but the other people in them, playing their parts, ie, the undertakers the vicar's etc, have been important too.

Christmas is hard work and I find that stressful because I feel responsible for other people's happiness but the bits before the day are lovely - the trees up the week before, the carol services, and boxing day - they are all fab. I don't really hype anything up though - just go with the flow.

I get what you mean and I have always felt that way. It baffles both my mother and MIL - for example they were both in an absolute tizz about my wedding going on and on about "what about this and what about that?" I said "Who cares? If the hotel burns down and there's no flowers for my hair, I'll still be married. All that matters is the wedding certificate." People seem to think that if the details are perfect the day will be "magical." Bollocks. It's just another day and the enjoyment you get is from seeing friends and having a laugh. The details are really irrelevant. I massively enjoyed my wedding because I saw it as a party where I happened to get married. I invited 26 of my friends to go abroad with me to have said party and I didn't give a toss about flowers cake etc etc. I enjoyed it because I had no expectations - I had hung out with my friends before and this was nothing different. It was a lovely day but I've had similarly lovely days at barbecues and festivals.

I think realising that sparkle and glitter doesn't change your life really is a good thing. I know that no matter how much money or fame I had I would still get ill and still have all the problems every human being faces. Life is about enjoying the small moments and these happen all the time.