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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go to the park anymore cos the big kids are meanies?

29 replies

NapaCab · 09/08/2013 21:53

Grin

Took my almost 2 year old to the park today as we do regularly because he is very active and needs his 1-2 hours of running around every day.

Anyway, on the first climbing structure at the park some bossy little 4 year old shouted at us to take our shoes off or we can't get on, then her older sister pushed my son out of the way at the top of the slide, then the younger one said 'get out of the way' to me while I was helping my son up the steps. The grandmother with them said nothing so I left.

At the next play structure, I let my son up the steps on his own and was waiting for him at the bottom of the slide. An older kid was blocking him though so I went up and said to him 'excuse me, can you let us past please?' 'We need to get past you, thank you' and so on. He stood there smirking and said 'no you're not allowed' blocking us with his arms. No parent was in sight so I took my son down and went for a walk with him instead.

Another time my son was trying to climb on the toy train at the park and was pushed by a bigger kid, about 7 years old, saying 'No! We're playing a game!'. He pushed on my son's head too so I had to intervene and told him to be careful as my son is smaller than him.

So AIBU to not want to take my son to the park anymore cos the big kids are such meanies? Grin Seriously I'm getting fed up of dealing with them, takes all the fun out of the day! Do kids just get cheeky after the age of 4 or are the kids I'm seeing unusual? Genuine question as I only have my PFB so far.

OP posts:
RubbishNameChange · 09/08/2013 22:02

LOL

One day your PFB will actually nudge someone out of the way to get to the slide first...that's a bugger to know how to deal with!!

Yeah you have to take him, just perfect your menacing Mum stare and all will be well. Wink

Twattybollocks · 09/08/2013 22:05

You need to develop the deadpan facial expression, pointed eye contact and also the voice of death. When told " you aren't allowed up here" you say excuse me with the deadpan expression/eye contact , which usually works, failing that, ask them where their parents are in a conversational tone which nonetheless implies that you will be speaking to their parents about their behaviour if they don't budge right now.

ClutchingPearls · 09/08/2013 22:17

YY to death-stare. I have a "Don't you even think about it" stare that has been fine-tuned over 3DC. I am normally very quiet, hide out the way and am generally a push over but step on the way of P3rdB on the slide and your going down little 4 year old and I'm taking your mummy with us. Envy

Serialdrinker · 09/08/2013 22:24

Oh God, I'm already embarrassing my 3 year old. They other day at the park (I'd stood back after reading about helicopter parenting on MN) DD came over to me to tell me the two boys (only others there) had told her to 'shoo'. I marched over DD in hand and said 'which of you two told my daughter to 'shoo'? They both denied it whilst having a 'bugger caught out' face whilst I explained that anyone can go in anything as long as they take their turn. Sis was with me head in hands at my PFB behaviour BUT parents nowhere to be seen and I would like to think I'd be bollocking my kids if they behaved the same as these boys. It's something I've come across a lot recently. Fair enough to let your kids get on and play but surely you keep an eye to make sure they are playing 'nice'. My DD is only 3 so maybe I'll end up sitting back letting my kids ruin the park for others in future. In short (ha) yanbu!

Serialdrinker · 09/08/2013 22:27

Rubbish- DD has pushed in but I've made her either get up from the top of the slide or say sorry. Basic manners in my book- start them early!

RubbishNameChange · 09/08/2013 22:31

Serial Indeed
It was intended as a light hearted comment

Original poster
NapaCab · 09/08/2013 22:32

OK, I will practice my menacing Mum-stare / death-stare in the mirror for our next park trip! I usually have sunglasses on though and if not, I squint from the blinding sun (we live in California) so death-stare might be tricky... I will work on it Wink

These little blighters had me fed up this morning though! In the last case with the boy blocking our way to the slide, I noticed later his mother was sat on her arse reading a book, just ignoring it all as he blocked other kids as well. I was half jealous that she can do that since it's not an option with a toddler but also kind of Hmm because surely even 5/6 year olds need supervision so they play nice?

OP posts:
Original poster
NapaCab · 09/08/2013 22:37

Serial ha! I'm sure if my 22 month old was capable of embarrassment (this is a kid who loudly shouts 'gas! gas!' if he farts) I'd be embarrassing him too.

When you only have a toddler it's hard to know what to do because half of me is thinking 'I'd murder my DS if he acted like that when he's older' but the other half of me is thinking 'Really? Is this how the young folk are taught to behave these days? Just pushing and shoving and being rude? Ok then... maybe it's a new hands-off parenting technique...'.

I do feel sad a bit too though as when I was a kid my older siblings always watched out for me and we were taught to be careful of and kind to little kids.

OP posts:
PoppyWearer · 09/08/2013 22:38

YANBU.

With my PFB I avoided the park and indeed most public play areas during the school holidays and after school. Because of the big kids. Yes, really! GrinGrin

My DC2 is a bit bigger/tougher/can stand up for himself at the tender age of 2yo so am daring to venture out to the playground in the holidays this year. Am as yet undecided on whether to continue avoiding it after school next term.

Plus PFB is now at school so not venturing out not an option, and she is now one of the "big kids".

ExitPursuedByABear · 09/08/2013 22:41

Oh man up woman. That playground is yours.

numbum · 09/08/2013 22:46

Yes all school aged children are vile. You should avoid anywhere they're likely to be in the summer holiday Hmm

Maybe you should toughen up and learn how to tell 5/6 year olds to get out of the way of your PFB instead of running off to other equipment! Are you thinking they'll batter you if you dare to argue with them?

For what it's worth, my 8 and 6 year old DC are bloody lovely and know how to share/look after younger children/take turns. Not all 'big kids' are 'meanies'

hamab · 09/08/2013 22:46

YABU one day your's wll be the meanie. It's juse phases of life.

PrettyKitty1986 · 09/08/2013 22:48

Serial, you marched your dd over to ask which kid said 'shoo'? Hmm

Have to admit that had the phrase been 'fuck off' I would have been doing the same. But shoo?

Anything less than 'fuck off' gets waved away with a 'just ignore them' from me. It's a good job it wasn't my child you were trying to give a bollocking to!

BrokenSunglasses · 09/08/2013 22:49

Only a few weeks left of the summer holidays, and they will all be back at school so you can have the park to yourself.

Just remember that the big meanies are still learning too, and there's no reason why they wouldn't turn out to be lovely when they're older.

ExitPursuedByABear · 09/08/2013 22:54

It's like a playground on here sometimes.

TheFallenNinja · 09/08/2013 22:55

YABU. Toughen up or hand in your woman card. Smile

SinisterBuggyMonth · 09/08/2013 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Serialdrinker · 09/08/2013 22:57

Pretty- yep they were around 10-12 (one clearly older than the other). DD was upset so I dealt with it, everyone carried on playing after. Had they said 'fuck off' I'd have got them to take me to their parents.

If it was your child I'd expect you'd have been watching to to make sure they were behaving kindly though Pretty, so I'm sure it wouldn't be an issue.

I know you were Rubbish. Playground dramas eh!

Original poster
NapaCab · 09/08/2013 22:58

It's a lighthearted thread numbum, just so you know.

Thought was obvious but maybe not for you!

How far do you take it if you're disciplining other people's kids? I wouldn't like it if someone tried to discipline my son but he is just a toddler so it doesn't really happen. I do have words with these older kids and mostly they look sheepish and know they are wrong but if their parents aren't there to supervise them or reinforce my discipline, it ends there really, doesn't it?

OP posts:
numbum · 09/08/2013 22:59

And of course ALL older kids are a bloody pain sinister aren't they?

Original poster
NapaCab · 09/08/2013 23:00

I really need to work on my death-stare, Sinister it sounds very effective!

OP posts:
PoppyWearer · 09/08/2013 23:01

I'm seeing both sides now that my DC1 is school-aged. Because if we are in a playground or soft play that has an area for under-3s or under-4s, DC2 will play there and 5yo DC1 will come into it quite regularly to play with him, even though really she shouldn't be there.

That used to piss me off when DC1 was little, but I am quite strict with her if she goes in the area for smaller children and tell her to be careful and only stay for a short time. It's very tough to supervise though.

LimitedEditionLady · 09/08/2013 23:02

We go to the park id say every day the ground isnt wet.my ds is two and a half and i do stand near when hes playing but if hes socialising with one of those instant friends they seem to make i step back.in our first experience of bossy big kids last week they told my ds he couldnt go past so i just said sternly " go past ds,everyone can play here"if that hadnt of worked i wouldve just directly said "mind out the way please hes going past" with my scary mum face.Chances are with the testing children at parks is their mum hears them and bollocks them out of embarassment.

Original poster
NapaCab · 09/08/2013 23:03

A lot of the time, by the way, a parent will supervise and ask their older kid to say sorry or tell them to share or take turns or whatever so it's definitely not all older kids. When there's good supervision it doesn't happen, only when the kids are on their own and then I have to do some loud parenting of 'that wasn't very nice' or 'it's polite to say 'excuse me'' and so on. Kind of gets old after a while!

Roll on September... Grin

OP posts:
Pachacuti · 09/08/2013 23:03

Yes, you just need to work on your death stare and icy tone of voice. Then the big kids will run away screaming (well, probably not actual screaming).

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