to not tell my mum when DC4 is born?

[ruledbyheart]

I'm ranty so apologies in advance.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with DC4 it's not been an easy pregnancy and I have been in and out of hospital for the last 10 weeks with issues.

I last saw my mum 8 weeks ago she lives 5 mins away but her last visit didn't go to well as she is a bit toxic and started on about (in front of DCs) how her other GC is her favorite because he has SN and how my sis needs more help because she is a more likeable person and not a horrible liar like me

She was also very rude about my DP and referring to my stbxh as her fav son in law (who I split with due to DV).

She ignored DPs invitation to my baby shower, which was a surprise for me and although not everyones cup of tea a simple yes or no eould have sufficed but she ignored the invite completely.

She hasn't bothered with my DCs at all even their birthdays were passed by with a card passed on by my Sdad (who split with her) and they haven't seen her since her last visit.

Anyway I digress I have decided not to tell her when DC4 is born and if she was interested she would call or text herself and ask either that or she will end up seeing me in town with the pram, she doesn't even know what DC4 is going to be named as she hasn't been in contact, however Sdad thinks IABU and she at least deserves to be told.

I have already told Sdad that if he tells her its fine (He is having DCs for a holiday around due date) but I don't see why I should make the effort when she hasn't AIBU?

As a side note I have text her since I last saw her as she was ill for a couple of days but nothing since from her.

Sorry its a lot longer than I thought it would be.

I think if you want to send a strong message that you don't want any future relationship with her, this would be a way to go.

Personally I would tell her and then offer nothing in the way of visits etc.

Maybe cutting contact isn't a bad idea reading the OP through, she really is toxic and I am now thinking my DCS are better off without her in their lives.

I think seeing as she hasn't bothered with your DCs birthdays, only sending a card through your Sdad, equally you maybe shouldn't bother telling her, just send a message through Sdad.

Don't tell her, what would be the point, she has made it clear she doesn't care that much about you or your DCs. She sounds awful and your life would be a lot better without her in it. Use this as an opportunity to be free of her. Your SDad sounds lovely though.

He is lovely even through they split up and he moved away he still is a big part of our lives.

My mum has her ups and downs, I believe MH issues but nothing concrete so I have always tried to keep an open line of communication for DCs sake but now rethinking it as they are getting old enough to notice when she is being nasty to me and copying what she says, as well they notice when she hasn't seen them for a long time (they are used to seeing her weekly providing I make the effort to arrange it).

She sounds truly awful.

I think in this situation, mother or not, MH issues or not, your priority needs to be your DCs. She told them her other GC was her favourite!!! She called you a horrible liar!!! OMG... this is not normal or (IMO) acceptable behaviour.

I personally would have struggled not to kill her!

I think tidydancer is right. If you want to cut all contact (which I would) write to her and tell her. It will give you a clear point from which to move forward.

You don't need this horrible woman in your life.