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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or are my parents slightly taking the piss

30 replies

Mmmbacon · 09/08/2013 17:51

new user, first post, long time lurker, so as not to drip feed this might be a bit long,

Me and dh had a good thing going, were never short of a few pound, were carefull enough and have a nice bit saved but things are not so good now, and money is much tighter. we dont like dipping into the savings and try to live within our means as best as we can, we try not to use our life savings for anything, it is for kids college, and majorly expensive, once off, couldnt of seen that coming money, we have day to day savings that we use for say washing machine breaking down, My dm says Im tight, my dh and df say Im carefull and the only one around with a bit of sense,

my dm rang me about a year ago to say that they were finding things really hard, youngest dsis in college, tuition, accomodation, car etc, using the cc more often, savings gone etc, she asked for a loan of a few thousand, and said they would pay it back weekly over 3/4 months, I got the money and gave it to them, poor df was mortified could barely look at me, then they asked for a top up, all the while family stuff in background relative sick, dsis being ungratefull teenager etc,

anyway, they never paid back the loan, needed repayment money for visiting sick relative, new tyres, car insurance etc, anyway this continued for like I said almost a year, they went on holiday few months back, I was a bit put out as still none of the money I had given them had been paid back, but df really needed a break after relative passing away, and I was assured that there was a small inheritance and my loan would be paid back out of that so I said nothing,

Now money still not paid back, inheritance taking time to clear etc, but should be in a few weeks, Im not stuck for the money, I dont need it now, but it is a big chunk of our life savings, and i want it back.

Separately dps have been trying to sell a timeshare they bought years ago, they were not having any luck so I had to step in to help, making phone calls etc, nothing too taxing, anyway I have sorted it for them, but they have to go abroad to sign documents, meet buyer etc. buyer is paying accomodation, we just have to get there, Dm and Df are insisting I go, and this is where the AIBU comes in. They are insisting I go, they wont sell, wont even go if I dont go, I am insisting it is in school holidays and I bring my 2 kids as other wise I cant go, childcare etc, DM is now looking for the price of the flights to be taken off the loan, the flights are around 500 for us 3, dh cant go due to work, my dps will be around the 350 mark, my dps should get over 5k for selling the timeshare, so AIBU to think, that as I have given them an interest free loan, a top up loan, and helped them sell the damn thing, and not fussed or moaned about giving me back myself and Dhs money, that they could at least pay for me and kids flights,

OP posts:
somewhereaclockisticking · 09/08/2013 17:56

They should pay because it's not a holiday for you - you would only be going because they need you to but of course if you don't go then you won't get your money back by the sounds of it. They are being unreasonable to tell you that they won't go unless you do (and by extension your dc). I can understand that they probably feel abit intimidated and frightened by the sale (there's been some horrible time share stories lately) and you are there young and confidant and have managed to sort things out for them so far - however it really isn't fair on them to expect you to pay for the flights. Can you speak to your df on the quiet and just explain that this isn't really something you can afford to do at this time but would be happy to go along if they can pay for the flights or reimburse you?

foreverondiet · 09/08/2013 17:58

Of course you are not being unreasonable. You shouldn't go, so no flights to pay, they can conference call you into whatever meetings they go to.

And of course they should repay the whole amount back.

Gruntfuttocks · 09/08/2013 17:58

Yep, they are taking the piss.

whois · 09/08/2013 18:00

100% taking the piss.

Loa · 09/08/2013 18:01

You are only incurring the flight costs at their insistent you do yet another favor for them. So yes - I'd expect them to pay.

Are you definite you'll get your money back - or most of the money back by going out there? If not then I?d think twice about going TBH.

thebody · 09/08/2013 18:03

you are an amazing daughter. they should be proud of you.

of course they should pay for this and also re pay the loan.

don't give in and don't give them anymore money.

what does your dh think of all this?

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain · 09/08/2013 18:04

Surely this isn't even a case of them needing you to go, but just wanting you to in which case even more unreasonable!

I'd call their bluff, say 'fine don't sell it. But then how are you paying me back?' Harsh, but why should your money sense be penalised? Presumably they were ok to go out there and buy a timeshare by themselves?

cakebar · 09/08/2013 18:08

YANBU.

I find it strange they need to go out in person - is it really necessary?Could documents be faxed or couriered to a solicitor here?

NatashaBee · 09/08/2013 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vivacia · 09/08/2013 18:18

What happens if you tell them you cant afford the flights so unfortunately you wont be able to help them in selling?

zoobaby · 09/08/2013 18:46

If you know you are definitely getting your money back as a result of all the hassle, would it be possible to organise DH to have 2 days off while you could go handhold your parents with 2 day / 1 night trip? Is it close enough to allow this and are your DC old enough?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 09/08/2013 18:55

pisstakers both of them.

Mmmbacon · 09/08/2013 19:08

Well at least imnbu, The tickets were paid for by me dps.

It was more of a by the way we have paid for them and sure we can take it out of the loan than a proper conversation, DH is annoyed but saying nothing, its my family so my problem, We know we will get back money, but it genuinely has been a rotten year, so most of the stalling I can understand, as relative got diagnosed shortly after loan was made, so that took over everything.

I am just a bit miffed that because they know I dont need the money that they are stalling paying it back to me so much, and now they have hood winked me into a "holiday" that I cant afford out of day to day money, but they seem to think it ok as it is out of our savings, me and dh havent been abroad in years, but dps have gone twice in last year, Angry

OP posts:
Mmmbacon · 09/08/2013 19:13

And another thing, they were able to pay for all the tickets with no trouble out of their current account, so should they not have started using that money to start paying back weekly what they owe me like the original plan was?

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 09/08/2013 19:18

They're taking the piss, you need to start getting firm.

RubyGoat · 09/08/2013 19:23

They are totally taking advantage of you.

cocolepew · 09/08/2013 19:25

Taking the piss and being very unfair to you.

3birthdaybunnies · 09/08/2013 19:33

If you haven't been abroad in years do you even all have valid passports- that costs a fair amount. You are doing them a favour so really they should pay.

Mmmbacon · 09/08/2013 19:39

Actually 3 bunnies, we do need 3 passports, Angry

OP posts:
Jan49 · 09/08/2013 20:01

Could they use a professional (solicitor?) to deal with it for them? It seems ridiculous and unnecessary for you and your dc to go too but I'm sure it can't be necessary for your dps to be there. The money they plan to spend on flights could be spent on professional fees instead. Why do they want you there? As it's a timeshare presumably they are used to visiting that country.

I think they're taking the p*. Make sure they pay you back out of the inheritance. I wouldn't lend them anything again. Tell them your money is tied up and unavailable. If they prioritised paying you back they wouldn't have gone on the holiday. TBH it sounds like they're seeing you as a useful source of money.

3birthdaybunnies · 09/08/2013 20:12

Ah passports the perfect excuse for getting them to act like adults and do it themselves while still giving you your money back. Can take 6+ weeks for a passport. An adult and two child passports won't give you much, if any, change from £200.

SuckAtRelationships · 09/08/2013 20:41

Shock They are taking the piss. Yu are not being unreasonable and you sound like a great person. I'm sorry your own parents are treating you this way!!

RubyGoat · 12/08/2013 21:28

Sorry to sound negative, but are you sure it's even a proper buyer? My PILs did this, got to Spain (or wherever it was) & it turned out there was no buyer, the whole thing was some scam where the 'buyer' turned out to be a company promising to buy the timeshare if the PILs bought another timeshare in exchange. Hope this won't be the case for you - but it sounds familiar.

torcat · 12/08/2013 21:40

Blimey! They are so out of order! You've got to stand firm or else you will be bailing them out again soon.

ENormaSnob · 12/08/2013 21:57

Sure you will get the money back at all?

They are taking the piss in a big way. They are effectively stealing from your dc.

What does your dh say? I would be beyond furious if my in laws treated us as a cash cow.