Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to take me out for my birthday?

21 replies

UngratefulCaah · 09/08/2013 16:09

Its my birthday next week. DH is going to be at work on my actual birthday but has two midweek days off together.
Mini backstory - I bought a bargain dress the other week and said to DH "You'll have to take me out so I can wear my new dress" Wink and he said something along the lines of it nearly being my birthday.
Today I called him and asked which of his two days off he wanted to go out so I could arrange childcare. He said he wants to stay in on both days and he is going to cook dinner both nights. While I appreciate that he is going to cook (I can count on one hand the amount of times he has cooked in the past 5 years) honestly he's not a very good cook and I usually cook because I enjoy cooking.
DH doesn't like going out to restaurants because he is incredibly fussy (I think he has food phobia) but going out to restaurants without kids is my idea of bliss and well dammit, its my birthday!
DH thinks I'm being ungrateful because I don't appreciate the effort he's willing to put in.. am I ungrateful/unreasonable to expect DH to do what I want for my birthday?!

OP posts:
CajaDeLaMemoria · 09/08/2013 16:16

A bit.

Usually I'd say no. Birthday person gets to choose the restaurant etc. But I don't think that extends to making someone do something that they don't enjoy, and your DH clearly doesn't enjoy eating out.

Could you do something else together? Go to the cinema? See a play? Go to a gig?

I don't think he's unreasonable to prefer to cook for you two nights rather than eat out with you if he really won't enjoy it. I don't think you are unreasonable wanting to go out for your birthday, either. I just think you might be slightly unreasonable expecting DH to take you. Go with a friend?

MarianForrester · 09/08/2013 16:28

YANBU. It's your birthday, and you have a new dress to wear!

It is his duty to make you happy on your birthday, it is not about him, and he should make an effort to enjoy it too for your sake.

ENormaSnob · 09/08/2013 16:43

Id gratefully accept a lovely cooked dinner on one eve then id be out with mates the other one.

mrsjay · 09/08/2013 16:48

yanbu I like going out for dinner on my birthday dh cooked one year he was on call and decided to cook something nice it was nice but we just sat watching the telly like we do every other night eating our dinner, you are not being ungrateful to want to go out for your dinner and wear your new dress

NoComet · 09/08/2013 16:54

I'm a SAHM, I get very few excuses for wearing nice dresses so YANBU.

I strung DH along beautifully one year, organising babysitting to go to the PTA Disco on his birthday (DH hates dancing and I always insist.)

Not until we turned the wrong way out the gate did I let on I had a table at his favourite Indian booked and the school thing could whistle.

Birthdays are for doing what the birtday person wants.

Eilidhbelle · 09/08/2013 17:09

I would say he should take you out on your birthday, if that's what you want - but part of me is saying that because its my birthday on Monday and I want to go to a restaurant! Are you another glorious twelfth-er?

livinginwonderland · 09/08/2013 17:15

Go out one night, and stay in the other?

SybilRamkin · 09/08/2013 17:56

Of course he should bloody take you out, it's your birthday, not his! Not on both nights if it's not his thing, but on one night certainly.

thebody · 09/08/2013 17:58

he should take you out. your birthday your choice.

whois · 09/08/2013 18:03

+1 for going out

Although if he really hates eating out can you compromise by eating in early then going to a nice bar?

EatingAllTheCrumpets · 09/08/2013 18:13

I think you are a bit. It's not fair to make him feel uncomfortable because its your birthday, but I appreciate its a nice to go out too.

Could you not go out on one of the days for lunch or dinner with friends or relatives? Then DH gets to treat you to dinner and you still get to go out, without the kids, and wear the dress?

Original poster
UngratefulCaah · 09/08/2013 18:20

Thankyou for mostly agreeing with me Grin
Star Im a SAHM too and cant remember the last time I had the oppurtunity to dress up nice!
Eilidh Im the fifteenth Smile

I really want to stamp my feet and pout about it till DH gives in, its not like I drag him out all the time, I cant remember the last time the two of us went out with no kids. And won't he think of my dress - I don't know when I'd next get the chance to wear it.
I don't really want to go to a bar as neither of us are really drinkers and the food is what I would be going out for. I did only suggest going out one of the two nights and DH cooking the other night.
I dont really have any friends I could go out with that I know well enough. I have one very good friend nearby but unlikely she could get childcare.

OP posts:
diddl · 09/08/2013 18:20

So what sort of stuff does he eat if he's "incredibly fussy"??

I think he's being a bit mean tbh.

Surely he can find something that he would like to eat?

Is he also a bit CBA about going out?

Grumpywino · 09/08/2013 19:07

Yanbu, it's your birthday and you have a new dress. He should get over being so fussy about food and take you out. It's one night ffs!

Original poster
UngratefulCaah · 09/08/2013 19:28

diddl He is honestly the fussiest eater Ive ever met, he won't eat anything with a sauce or that isn't very bland plain. He will only eat chicken if Ive cooked it at home.
On the very rare occasion we are out he will have a plain pork chop, a steak if they will do it without a rub, a duck breast or a burger. He also only eats chips or roast

OP posts:
Original poster
UngratefulCaah · 09/08/2013 19:29

potatoes with it.
(posted that too soon!)

OP posts:
formicadinosaur · 09/08/2013 19:29

Your birthday, your choice. However if he hates going out, organise a girls night out. Eat somewhere lovely.

formicadinosaur · 09/08/2013 19:31

Even with his silly food fads, he should really take you out I think. You choose somewhere and he can ring ahead to arrange some naff meal for himself

PuppyMonkey · 09/08/2013 19:37

I'm also quite a fussy eater but there's always something I can have at a restaurant. Steak, duck etc are available widely if he likes those.

All those saying it's mean to make him do something he doesn't like, what about op? She doesn't like his food. And it's HER birthday.

Suelford · 09/08/2013 19:44

"I have one very good friend nearby but unlikely she could get childcare."

Could your DH provide childcare?

Original poster
UngratefulCaah · 09/08/2013 20:47

Dh would look after our DC but wouldnt look after my friends 3 DC.
To be honest Im starting to feel going out might have been kind of spoiled for me now, only because I know if we do end up going out I know it will only be to appease me and not because he wanted to do something for me on my birthday.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page