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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit pee'd off with MIL

34 replies

roweeena · 09/08/2013 14:38

I know its another MIL one . . .

My childminder is taking one week annual leave at the end of August we have known about this for a long time and asked PIL to come down to our new house and look after DS, this was agreed a long time ago.

They live up north and don't get much chance to see DD (nearly 2yo) although we try our best, DD last went up there to stay for a week around easter time and seen on a couple of weekends since then. PILs are great with DD, spoil her rotten, but that the job of GPs isn't it - esp ones who don't get to see her often.

We work full time and have no family close by to help out, pay a fortune in childcare . . . moan, moan, moan etc. Oh and I'm 30 weeks pregnant. Anyway SIL is also pregnant (about 6 months) and getting her house extended and so is moving in with PIL over the summer whilst she is on holiday from work. PIL see SIL and Dnephew all the time, MIL provides childcare for him two days per week, they have him over pretty much every other weekend - whilst SIL goes out and has a social life (pure jealously!). SIL is a teacher so off on school holidays over the summer.

Anyway now MIL can't come down to look after DD as SIL is having a 'difficult pregnancy'. I just feel a bit pissed off really - I'm not having a great pregnnacy myself and its exhausting looking after DD , working full time and being pregnant. At least SIL is on holiday, staying in the family home that she grew up in whilst her house is being extended and her DS is nearly 4 so not the toddler tantrum stage.

Just feel completely blown off by MIL if I'm honest - like she would prefer to spend time with SIL and DNephew who she sees all the frigging time. Now FIL is coming down on his own to look after DS - which will still be lovely but it seems like alot to ask of him alone and it just makes me think that SILs and their new baby is always going to be priotised over ours - thats sounds ridiculously hormonal now I've written it down.

Anyway - AIBU or hormonal, would you be pissed off?

OP posts:
Original poster
roweeena · 09/08/2013 14:40

Sorry I seem to have got DS and DD mixed up everywhere! Its DD!

OP posts:
PattieOfurniture · 09/08/2013 14:45

I think you're being hormonal. Fil is still going to provide the childcare that you need. Mil will stay with your sil which is fair enough.

Whoknowswhocares · 09/08/2013 14:46

I think you are being very unfair. They have not 'blown you off' at all!
Merely changed the arrangements to be able to help both of you, at considerable inconvenience to themselves.
Yabu. Blame the hormones! Grin

mynameisslimshady · 09/08/2013 14:47

Yabu I'm afraid. Do you really expect her to leave her daughter who is having a difficult pregnancy so you can have 2 people looking after your dd?

DidoTheDodo · 09/08/2013 14:49

I am a bit horrified at your "that's the job of grandparents" statement. No, actually, I don't think it is.
Your child, your responsibility...
They are obviously having to make difficult decisions and are doing their best to please everyone.
YABU (and a bit entitled)

diddl · 09/08/2013 14:51

Could you not get your son to them?

I'm pretty certain that my dad wouldn't have undertaken childcare without Mum!

outtolunchagain · 09/08/2013 14:53

I think that comment was facetious , sort of saying its OK that they spoil her because that's the role of grandparents , you know rather than being the parent and having to stick to routine etc

Footface · 09/08/2013 14:54

Depends what difficult pregnancy means? Could be a whole host of things or nothing. Hard to say otherwise

Original poster
roweeena · 09/08/2013 14:55

didothedodo - I meant the job of GPs is to spoil DD rotten as they don't see her very much, it was a bit tongue in cheek. I wasn't saying it is their job to look after her full stop!!

Thanks everyone - I know I'm being unreasonable deep down, felt good to write it down though. Just feels like SIL is always getting so much support from them that this was one week we had planned . . . oh well

OP posts:
DidoTheDodo · 09/08/2013 15:00

Ok Roweena, let you off!

(I have 3 Dc and had no local help at all either, so I do get where you are coming from, but now I am a GP I see the other side of the story!)

TimothyClaypoleLover · 09/08/2013 15:00

I think the "that's the job of the grandparents" statement refers to spoling a grandchild, not providing childcare. I agree that a grandparents role is to spoil grandchildren.

OP I can appreciate you are feeling anxious about one of them looking after your child rather than both of them. TBH I wouldn't want my FIL looking after my kids because I know he wouldn't cope. How able and fit is your FIL? And I think it makes a difference if its an afternoon or a whole week's childcare.

I think in your situation I would just take a week's holiday from work or share the childcare with hubbie.

namechangeforthispost864269 · 09/08/2013 15:02

yabu

you don't know how difficult sil's pregnancy is or what her issues are and your fil is still coming to help you out.

they sound lovely actually to let your sil stay with them for so long and still make sure they honour the commitments they made to you before this situation arose...

I'm a bit Shock

at the fact you say they spoil your dd rotten but that's their job especially as they don't live near you. sounds a bit rude.

I'm guessing youre a reasonable person usually and it's just hormones talking....
like it was for me yesterday when I told dh we were moving house because the neighbour was cutting his privets at 3pm interrupting my nap

Whoknowswhocares · 09/08/2013 15:03

No, no, no OP!
You clearly do not understand the rules of AIBU. You ask for advice, we tell you how unreasonable you are being, then you argue the toss back and forth, impressing on us how right you are and that we just don't understand properly.
It's no fun if you just agree with us!!!!! Wink

Original poster
roweeena · 09/08/2013 15:03

No concerns about FIL at all, he is very fit & able to look after DD (he really will spoil DD rotten though!!). I think its just the fact that it would have been nice for MIL to spend some time with her as well.

OP posts:
namechangeforthispost864269 · 09/08/2013 15:04

oh ok the comment about their job was tongue in cheek ... phew

namechangeforthispost864269 · 09/08/2013 15:06

op you sound like a nice person ... at least the moan made you feel better :-)

Original poster
roweeena · 09/08/2013 15:07

Ha ha ha namechange I just misread and thought you said your neighbour was cutting his privates at 3pm!! - that would be a reason to move house!

Also you are right whoknows I really am not playing the AIBU game properly am I.
.

OP posts:
Shrugged · 09/08/2013 15:11

This is a crap AIBU. You sound nice, they sound nice....

I don't think you really have grounds for complaint when your FIL is still going to do childcare. I know you think your MIL is missing out, but it sounds as if she is trying to spread the two of them around and cover all bases, which is sweet, really.

Ragwort · 09/08/2013 15:11

Your ILs sound really nice people - MIL is staying at home to help her own daughter and family and FIL is coming to stay with you to help you and your family - can't believe you see this as a 'problem' Confused.

These two must be the most reasonable ILs on Mumsnet Grin.

Original poster
roweeena · 09/08/2013 15:13

Apologies for the crap AIBU!!! must try harder next time Grin

OP posts:
clam · 09/08/2013 15:15

I don't think you're being unreasonable, actually. OK, yes I know grandparents don't have to help out with childcare and so forth, but the circumstances you describe sound a bit unfair I think.

Shrugged · 09/08/2013 15:16

Yes, please reveal that SIL is not in fact pregnant or getting an extension but has put a cushion up her jumper and dumped some sand on her drive JUST in order to ruin your PILs' plans...

Leeds2 · 09/08/2013 15:17

Would it be possible to take DD up to the in laws for the week?

Maryz · 09/08/2013 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob · 09/08/2013 16:14

I actually think yanbu.

Sounds like sil is the chosen one.

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