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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or just out right ridiculous??

15 replies

iloveweetos · 09/08/2013 09:05

Apologies for yet another Stag thread!
Firstly I'm not bothered about DP going for his Stag weekend, quite glad he will be letting his hair down and seeing friends he doesn't see often enough.
But the amount of times I want us to go out for a night out, he just always says that he hates them, which i know he does. But its frustrating. Whenever we have gone out, he moans how he hates it etc and then i get in a mood and we go home. I've moved away from friends so cant go out unless alot of organising has gone into it. And definitely not now as i'm pregnant. But i feel annoyed that hes gonna go out with his mates and they don't get moaned at about how much he hates it, but he couldn't even muster up a night out with me?
I dunno feels like a pointless thread and conversation with him!
(i'm reading this over and feel unreasonable) Sad

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 09/08/2013 09:07

What sort of nights out do you have together OP?

Original poster
iloveweetos · 09/08/2013 09:08

Dinner here and there but is it weird that I would like the occasionally night out to a bar etc?
Since new years I just gave up asking

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 09/08/2013 09:08

Why doesn't he like going out with you, what's his reasoning?

TobyLerone · 09/08/2013 09:09

Why do you want him to go out with you when he's obviously not enjoying it when he does?

I think stag nights are different. You kind of have to go to them.

My DH is the same -- we are both very introverted and never go on 'nights out'. We both hate them and they make us both quite anxious. But his best friend is getting married next year and I know there will be some kind of stag weekend thing, which of course he will go on, despite not wanting to.

I get why you're upset, and I don't think YABU, but I also don't think you can/should make him go out with you if he doesn't want to. Do you have friends you can have nights out with instead?

fluffyraggies · 09/08/2013 09:09

My DH, for eg. gets a bit twitchy sitting in a restaurant for ages, but will happily go to the cinema, and then for a pizza.

He'll sit for hours on a blanket with me people watching in the summer by the river ....

but cant sit in a nice candle lit restaurant for long.

LaurieFairyCake · 09/08/2013 09:10

Why marry someone so different?

Do you really want to be with someone who won't go out places? And when he does ruins it for you?

It's possible this is part of some larger behaviour, that he doesn't respect you enough or want to make you happy.

My dh doesn't like opera or ballet much but he still
comes if I want to go. I also go to football matches with him. We both do this occasionally even if we mostly go with others - because we want to enjoy watching the other enjoy it.

Original poster
iloveweetos · 09/08/2013 09:13

lol he says he just hates nights out classy. but goes for nights out with friends because he feels he has to. part of him is glad i'm pregnant because after his stag he doesn't need to do these nights anymore. which i believe.
I dunno, i like going out with him? (im v sad lol) Toby
fluffy ahh romance lol

OP posts:
Original poster
iloveweetos · 09/08/2013 09:15

aw Laurie its because we're so different we work well together. if that makes any sense. I dont doubt our relationship for a few nights out.

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 09/08/2013 09:15

I'm not sure this is about the OP, and whether or not her DH respects her or wants to make her happy.

Some people just don't like to go out much. And that's ok. I'm sure the OP and her DH have much more in common than not.

Original poster
iloveweetos · 09/08/2013 09:17

yeah deffo toby and i get that. Part of why i love him tbh
just frustrating that the stag has to happen but nights out with me can be avoided Confused

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 09/08/2013 09:18

It's not sad to want to spend time with him! I just don't get how you enjoy going out with him when he's clearly not enjoying it and moans and then goes home early.

Enjoy spending time with him in other ways, and go out with your friends for nights out if you want to.

TobyLerone · 09/08/2013 09:18

It's just the way of stag nights, tbh.

I'm the same with hen nights. I dread them. They are something to be endured and something I would NEVER willingly put myself through, but sometimes you just have to.

Original poster
iloveweetos · 09/08/2013 09:24

haha yeah i suppose! hormones in overdrive i think!!

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 09/08/2013 13:37

Does he just not like bars or does he not want to go out with you at all? Is there anything else that he would be willing to do such as the cinema, plays etc...?

WilsonFrickett · 09/08/2013 13:46

Not wanting to go on 'big nights out' while one partner does - fine, with a bit of negotiation and different friendship groups that works well.

Not wanting to spend any time with partner outside the home, while partner enjoys food, drink, cinema, culture, people watching etc etc - would probably be a cause for concern imo because you risk having two completely separate lives. Especially when you have DCs as then it's often easier to do things separately rather than get babysitters, etc.

If he'll compromise and for eg go for a pizza and a film, then fine, I don't think not wanting big nights is an issue. As long as there's some level of compromise. And I can see why him then going on a stag would tick you off, it's irrational maybe, but I can understand why Smile

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