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Original poster

DD bullied by grown man

24 replies

seriouslypeeved · 08/08/2013 22:35

DD just returned from visiting her dad, she hasn't visited for 2 years due to her dads partner lets call him A. (my Ex is gay and got married to this low life DD wasn't invited either) Last time she visited A was horrible to her every time her dad left the room hence her not visiting. DD really wanted to visit and idiotically I let her go.

Well A has got worse and sunk to a new low. My dd is getting pressured to move in if she doesn't A will take her dad away from her which may sound odd as he doesn't like her, however, this is so they can get housed in a two bedroom and not have to pay maintenance.

Every time her dad left the room he got in her face and threatened her and said that he dad didn't love her etc. When her dad was around he would completely ignore her whilst her dad tried to get hi to talk to her etc. DD's dad knows that A doesn't like her but won't admit it. Instead her dad he has tried to buy her off by taking her shopping and buying her loads of stuff.

A is a bullying, cowardly, control freak who no doubt bullies dd's dad. DD has been in tears since she came back and she has made it clear that she doesn't want to visit again. I am so angry right now at myself for letting this happen again.

Rant over. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 08/08/2013 22:39

How old is she and does she actually want to move in with her Dad?

Original poster
seriouslypeeved · 08/08/2013 22:40

DD is 11 no she doesn't want to move in but would like to see him more often.

OP posts:
BrokenSunglasses · 08/08/2013 22:41

What a bastard!!

I'm angry for you too, but not because of anything you have done. Your poor dd!

You shouldn't be in a position where you have to make a difficult decision over whether or not to allow your child to her her father in the first place. You should be able to feel that any adult will treat a child with kindness, let alone one who is around because of the other parent choosing them!

Don't be angry at yourself, be angry at the twat who thinks is ok to treat another human being so badly, and the spineless excuse for a father.

reelingintheyears · 08/08/2013 22:42

Her Dad sounds pretty spineless, have you talked with him at all about his partners behaviour?

BonaDrag · 08/08/2013 22:43

Can she see him without A? Tbh her father is the adult here and should be dealing with his husband. I wouldn't let her go until a sensible solution was found. Does your ex know the extent of the problem?

AgentZigzag · 08/08/2013 22:44

Can your DD video him saying this shit on her phone?

Not that anyone would disbelieve her, but hearing him talk to her like that might jolt the dad into putting a stop to it? (presuming you've tried hard to resolve it on your own, can you refuse to let her go?)

Fucking horrible for both of you though, I'd be fuming.

AgentZigzag · 08/08/2013 22:44

I don't think it's fair to call her dad spineless though reeling, if this man is bullying/abusive, it's easy to get sucked into it.

HistoryNut1595 · 08/08/2013 22:45

Is there anyway your daughter and her father can have visits alone like trips out so she still gets to see him? I know what this is like growing up as my father's partner was a total *** and I really treasured when it was just he and I.

I don't know the situation with you and he but perhaps you could suggest this?

Original poster
seriouslypeeved · 08/08/2013 22:46

DD had counselling after the last visit and now I am probably going to look into this again.

Spineless absolutely without question. The previous incident ex said that DD had made the whole thing up which I knew she hadn't. I don't know how he can call himself a father.

OP posts:
StraightJacket · 08/08/2013 22:46

Have you and your DD told her father this?

reelingintheyears · 08/08/2013 22:48

DD's dad knows that A doesn't like her but won't admit it. Instead her dad he has tried to buy her off by taking her shopping and buying her loads of stuff.

He won't admit that his partner doesn't like his 11 year old DD and lets him bully her and you say that's not spineless?

I'd say calling him spineless is being kind.

Original poster
seriouslypeeved · 08/08/2013 22:51

I know that A is controlling without ever having met him still haven't as he always stays in the car.
I have written to her dad and suggested that future visits would need to take place without A with her dad visiting dd at home etc. Ex hasn't yet replied I do believe that he loves DD and I can appreciate that he know doubt feels stuck in the middle but at the end of the day he is her dad and is meant to protect her.

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 08/08/2013 22:56

Well quite, he should be looking after his DD, she comes first, not his partner.

Original poster
seriouslypeeved · 08/08/2013 23:02

I want to post all the stuff he bought her back to him and tell him where A can shove it

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 08/08/2013 23:08

Well you're not going to do that unless she wants to are you.

But it does need sorting out, she can't be going there if she's being bullied and doesn't feel safe.

And he has to believe her too.

Original poster
seriouslypeeved · 08/08/2013 23:12

no I wont send it back but would really like to. I think he knows what goes on but doesn't want to admit it.

DD won't be going back there he will have to visit her here that I will not back down on

OP posts:
pigletmania · 08/08/2013 23:34

I would not let your dd go back there again, her dad can come on his own to visit, or contact can take place away from A

Original poster
seriouslypeeved · 08/08/2013 23:43

I am not going to. I am looking forward to our holiday next Saturday and hoping that we can have lots of fun and no thought of the arrogant bullying A.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 08/08/2013 23:48

That's good seriously, hope tat you both have a lovely time

Original poster
seriouslypeeved · 09/08/2013 00:17

piglet thanks.

He has replied and of course he denies that A has said anything and that I am causing trouble. As I though completely spineless.

OP posts:
Original poster
seriouslypeeved · 09/08/2013 10:51

DD has been up several times in the night crying that her dd doesn't love her

OP posts:
sashh · 09/08/2013 11:52

I think your dd has a point. Why does her dad allow this to happen to her if he loves her?

I hope you both have a lovely holiday.

I think you need to talk to your ex and ask him why he thinks your daughter is making it up, and then say he can have contact, but only him, not A.

If he won't agree to that then have a look at a nanny cam - this one in the link is a badge. (although I don't know how you would feel about sending her back)

www.amazon.co.uk/Smiley-Hidden-Recorder-Camera-SUPPLIED/dp/B004WN77ZM/ref=sr_1_19?ie=UTF8&qid=1376045296&sr=8-19&keywords=nanny+cams

pigletmania · 09/08/2013 11:52

Omg what a stupid idiot, don't let her go there again! Your ex cannot be trusted to keep your dd safe, and is putting his relationship above your dd, his rio rites are obviously somewhere else! If he wants contact it should be without A, and away from him. Your dd well being goes above a parents need sand wants and if it's doing that to her, better no contact

pigletmania · 09/08/2013 11:53

Priorities

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