to just post rather than hijack Fraumoose's Golden thread

[namechangesforthehardstuff]

We don't get on with MIL - I posted just the other day about her inviting herself for lunch when DH has just had an op and we're a bit frazzled. A cucumber was involved

I was going to respond to another thread about comparing gcs unfavourably but once I'd typed it I realised it would be a total hijack.

Anyway the situation is that d niece has just been born and comparisons have duly begun... 'Ooooh,, maybe I shouldn't say this but... She's so laid back. I've never seen any baby so laid back.' That might not sound like much but it's her total modus operandi and I can just see it coming - she hates everything we do with DD - she's very old school and thinks we should mainly be telling DD off, preferably with some smacking. She's made the 'laid hadn't comment four times now - always preceded by I shouldn't say this' or something similar.

We don't care really, we get on well with dBIL and SIL and I suspect she's chosen this route because if she tried the shit she pulled with us when DD was born on dBIL he'd cut her off no question. But some wise MN phrases on how to nip this in the bud would be v handy.

Golden Boy thread. Fucking phone...

the moment she says "i shouldnt say this..." interject with "well dont! if you think you shouldnt? you REALLY shouldnt" end of

Yes, I should!

Have been thinking it might sound a bit flimsy and I might get flamed for that but you know when you just know ?

Purposely misunderstand? 'Well of course she's laid back, you wouldn't expect her to be holding her head up just yet, would you?!'

Or (a bit mean) 'I didn't think so at all, she was so interested/alert when we were there'...

Ahhh MILs...

I really think mine deserves something made of solid gold, the more I read on here about everyone elses!

Ask her whats wrong with a laid back baby? (I assume she means that your DD isn't, so DN is better?) Then when she says Oh... nothing... say 'then yes, you really didn't need to say it.'

Yeah. Have just done 'aren't all babies laid back? DD certainly was...(does innocent face)' which I think irritated her because it's supposed to annoy me iyswim?

It'll ramp up a.notch as DN gets older though and become 'oh dsil always has Dn so well turned out doesn't she?' (which she will because dsil is the sort of person who hand crochets baby bonnets and I am the sort of person who forgets to wipe ketchup off) so am keen for something to say STFU without saying STFU

You just need more of those answers...

I think the mumsnet term is 'smile and nod, smile and nod.'

When anyone comments on how my (very scruffy / wishes she was a boy) DD looks I always say how beautiful and neat she looked at 8am....but then we had FUN.
A relative of mine always says 'oh, what do you mean?' until the other person is either forced to be honest or just gives in.....very passive / aggressive but great to see in action.

Very good very good. Getting my arsenal ready for the next couple of years...

How about...

"fuck off out of my house you miserable old bitch. And here's you're fucking cucumber"

???

[venting own MIL frustrations!]

your obviously!

#idoknowhowtospellreallybutmyiphonekeepsautocorrecting

I do think that everytime you visit from now on you should take a random item of veg....and, of course, keep us updated on here.

I favour a long drawn out 'Yee-eess' and nothing more. Done properly, it is rather intimidating but could be interpreted a number of ways, leaving the recipient unsure how to take it and stuck for a response.

Eldritch I have perfected a long 'yes' complete with one raised eyebrow. It works wonders. People never seem to know what to say next.

name sorry, posted too soon. If she does say, I shouldn't say but, then do tell her not to. Otherwise, try answering just with a hmm, it doesn't give the reaction she's after and you can keep your moral high ground.

My two favourites are 'And your point is?' or in a very bored voice ;That's very interesting' whilst looking over my glasses....

Ye----es.

Can I borrow your glasses foslady?

Yes, a very posh person once waited for me to finish speaking and then drawled Fas-cin-a-ting. Crushing. Try that.

Quite overtly rude though, and the stealthy 'Am I being rude? You can't decide, can you?' approach will probably serve you better.

What about 'Thank you for that'. Said almost neutrally, it's another 'Hang on, am I being insulted here?' experience.

If she makes the well turned out comment respond with " I know but don't worry I'm sire they she has some proper clothes for playing in". Always assume that if she's telling you she must be concerned!

Or call her on it. "What are you trying to imply here? Surely you wouldn't be insinuating that you prefer one gc to the other now would you?" innocent face

Caitycat that's quite brilliant. And she's not v bright so it has the bonus of confusing the hell out of her.

And yy to random veg, I might play some kind of weird veg one-upmanship with her 'a cucumber you say? I'll see that and raise you one kohlrabi'

How about a breezy
"Really, that's nice..." and then carry on talking about something else totally ignoring the direction she wants for the conversation.