To think my friend should stop pestering me?

[BiscuitDunker]

Quite long,sorry!

One of my oldest friends has moved home to the other side of town from where I live. I used to see her once every couple of weeks when she lived down the road from me but since she moved I've not really seen her for more than a few minutes when we've bumped into each other or she's popped to mine in passing to collect something of her I had.

Since she's moved (around 2months ago) I've had a lot going on in my life regarding mine,DH and our DDs health and other medical issues which is why I've not really seen her since she moved. One of these medical issues is me being diagnosed with a severe case of SPD and being put on crutches -im now 30wks pg,was 22wks when dianosed and 28wks when put on crutches-.

I still speak/text my friend regularly and give her updates on what is going on in my life (as you do) so she is fully aware of my current medical condition,how bad its become and how it seriously limits what I'm capable of doing,but yet she has still repeatedly been asking me to go and visit her new home-a first floor flat which my DH (who helped her move) has told me involves going up a set of very narrow steep stairs. Not to mention in order to get to hers I would have to take a long bus journey across town.

AIBU to think that my friend should stop going on at me to visit when she knows I'm not in a fit state to be travelling that far -a good 30-45mins one way- on a very bumpy bus (I've got the bus once since being diagnosed and I could barely move once I got off and it was only a 10min trip!) Nor would it be a good or safe idea for me to attempt to climb the stairs in her block of flats with crutches and go against the advice of my physio who has told me to avoid stairs unless I absolutely have to use them? Or should I accept her persistant thoughtless request invitation and go round to hers and deal with the pain just to shut her up so I can say I've been and seen her new home in the hope she will stop asking?

I've repeatedly said it would be best if she visits me because I'm not in a fit physical state to go to hers but I may as well be talking to a brick wall!

All that pestering sounds incredibly annoying. Maybe she just doesn't understand how bad your SPD really is?

Agree that you will have to keep bluntly telling her that you can't come and see her new flat until after the baby's born because right now it's physically impossible for you to go on a long bus journey or climb stairs, and the doctor / physio is talking about you needing a wheelchair soon. And keep repeating until she gets the message.

Why don't you write her a letter?
Or send her a card:
"Congratulations on your new flat, it sounds great and I'm looking forward to coming to see it next year on this date, when I'm physically able.

Now please stop asking me to come over when I'm pregnant and for three months afterwards, as you've texted me 45 times already, and I've said no I can't as I have SPD 45 times back! It's getting on my nerves, and could damage our relationship, which would be very sad.

Fancy coming over for a cuppa next week? I'd like to see you, I just CANNOT come to yours yet, until this baby had arrived, and my body is back to normal, and I'm not in agony!"

That might work! She may not realise how bloody annoying she's being!!
So ermines a letter can work wonders- she can take it out, and look at it as often as she likes. She might even get the message.

Poor you with SPD, make sure you bring some ribbon in to labour with you to tie round your knees, so the midwives know how far you can go without tearing your cartilage off your bones. Or will you have a cesarean birth?

Take care, and good luck.

Venus your post has made me giggle! Weirdly 45times probably isn't far off the mark of how many times she's asked me since she moved now!

I will take some ribbon,thank you for that bit of advice :) I'm not having a c-section,well its not been mentioned and its not something I feel I would choose either,obviously in an emergency I wouldn't argue but I'm not going to elect for one if I can avoid it.

Speaking of giving birth,do any of you lovely ladies know if you can have an epidural if you have a bad case of SPD like mine? Only asking as I needed one with dd1 because I'm a big wuss and while I'm going to try for a water birth this time if I can't have one for whatever reason (no available pools or I just can't hack the pain) then I'd probably want an epi again but I've no idea if I could have one with this condition!

Yanbu

Invite her to take lots of pictures and bring them over to show you, even buy her a little housewarming prezzie.

Or if she's as annoying as she sounds don't bother and let the friendship slide. Being excited about her new flat is nothing compared to the amount of pain you're in while having to look after your dd and knowing it will get worse as your pregnancy progresses!

BiscuitDunker There's no reason why you shouldn't have an epi - SPD is caused by instability in the sacro-iliac joint in your pelvis and nothing to do with your spine, much less the spinal cord. It may be a bit uncomfortable having it put in, but it won't worsen the SPD - and will make it a lot more tolerable to deal with afterwards, at least until it wears off!

Thank you Arkady :) I only ask because obviously I wouldn't be able to feel anything from the waist down so if the midwives are pulling my legs apart for me to give birth they could do me more damage so didn't know if having SPD would mean an epi wouldn't be allowed or recommened. Feel beeter knowing that should I want one it (hopefully) won't be a problem!

Turnip I've already seen pics of her new home as she put them up on facebook but seeing as I'm yet to get a reply from her re: my text yesterday I think she's gone in to sulk mode and I will either get ignored for a week or so and she will start asking me to go round again or she will now just not bother contacting me again until after I've had the baby. Although with my dds birthday at the end of the month she may well choose to blank me until then,pop over to give her a card and start the guilt trip again,realise she won't get anywhere and cut me off again until mid/end october! All senarios are just a likely as each other...

Is it wrong that right now I'd rather it was the one where I hear nothing from her until after I've given birth? I really can't be arsed with her whining and guilt trips about visiting her flat anymore,especially now I know that she is definitely the one BU and not me about this whole thing!

OP I would play her at her own game-when she mentions coming over ignore it, don't answer and just change the subject. Same with texting, when she eventually texts then ignore anything related to seeing her new flat. And when she fb's about it, ignore the subject, pictures and statuses.

If she's prepared to ignored your pain and get humpy over something that's not your fault then perhaps she needs to understand her attitude goes both ways.

Sadly Mia4 I don't think that would work,I've already tried ignoring her visit requests and changing the subject but she is yet to take the hint (yes she really is that determined!). It looks like my text yesterday saying it won't be happening may well of done the trick...for now!

I think giving her a taste of her own medicine so to speak re attitude may be called for if she does ask again. Perhaps every time she mentions her flat I should have a "go to" subject to change to..but what? I'm thinking christmas seeing as she'll be waiting until at least then for me to go round

Just a quick update:-

Friend finally replied to my text this morning after 3days of sulking. She's agreed to come to mine tuesday but I can tell its a begrudged visit-shes bring my dds birthday present with her (almost 3wks before her birthday) when normally we see each others dc the day before their birthdays so I have a funny feeling she'll pop over tuesday afternoon and then I'll not see her again or even hear from her after that until I've given birth and she can go back to pushing asking me to visit her flat again.

While I'm glad she seems to of accepted (at least on the face of it) the fact I'm going nowhere near her home while I'm pregnant,I do feel slightly sad and somewhat glad to a certain extent at the same time that she's made it pretty clear she won't be making the effort to visit me again anytime soon after tuesday either.

I'd like to see her more but I'm in no fit state to make the effort to see her outside of my own home so if she can't be bothered then its her loss,and to be honest if all she's going to go on about is her flat when she comes round then I can't say its a topic of conversation I'm going to miss...I've already heard so much about it I could walk in there (when capable) and know exactly where to find the toilet and the which cupboard has the teabags in without even needing to ask

Perhaps the break of a few months will do us good and stop me going insane and will give her time to perhaps realise how nagging doesn't always get her anywhere and nor can she always expect to get her own way but I doubt it