Everyone hates me - Is it me or them?

[TheUnliked]

My family all hate me as I called my mother on my abusive (IMO) childhood. I no longer exist for her or my siblings who have all sided with her. They had a different childhood to me tbf.

My father hates me as I could not just play happy families after he decided to cut himself out of my life for 30 years and I wanted an explanation as to why he did so. Explanation of 'it was too hard', was pathetic and I told him so.

'H' hates me as I am fat and suffer from anxiety and also because I am not a submissive wife and like the women in his culture.

Teenage DD hates me because I am a crap mum .

H's family hate me because I am from a different culture and country and I am unacceptable to them. They hate England and the English although they have chosen to live here . I also can't understand a word they say as the language is impossible to learn!

I have no friends as I am so 'closed' due to my life experiences. I can't seem to speak to anyone as I am so afraid of saying something wrong.

Even checkout servers in the supermarket are rude to me and I always seem to attract road rage arseholes. Neighbours seem to avoid me and I have fallen out with one recently who told me that all the other neighbours hate me too (people have never spoken to).

WTF is wrong with me? I used to think it was THEM but I think I have to accept that there's something inherently wrong with me. How the hell do change it?

Oh no, you poor thing. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time.

It sounds like you really need to go and see a professional to discuss how you're feeling, as at the moment your self-esteem has taken a real battering.

No one deserves to feel the way that you do. X

There is nothing wrong with you - it sounds to me like you have been treated really badly by the people who should be protecting and nurturing you. Because of this your self esteem is rock bottom and you now expect to be treated badly, you may behave defensively with people.

I think you need to get some help from somewhere and your GP would be a good place to start, get referred for some counselling.

wow. I dont know what to say to you here, except I really do not think that there is anything wrong with you.

I have always found it difficult to make friends and socialize.

I am not a bad person and wouldn't dream of hurting anybody but I once went to a psychic and the minute I sat down she told me I 'walk to the beat of a different drum'. I agree. I do.

So. From your post, I think that the problems stem from those around you. Stop trying to hammer your square peg into a round hole. I cant tell you how to do that practically apart from distancing yourself from those around you that you do not get along with. Try to focus on 'you' and what you want to do. I really doubt you are a crap mum. Being a mum is one of the hardest things to be :)

As for those who hate the English and hate being here..... I have to moderate my comments so much I cant comment at all.

I do not believe that being a wife equals being submissive. Maybe time to call it a day on that relationship?

I have had therapy. Nothing has changed. I had accepted that I have had a rough ride. My choice of husband has rammed home how low my self esteem has been but now I am starting to question whether the problem is actually me, that I have blown the child abuse out of proportion, that I should have just accepted the small crumbs of fatherly affection my dad threw me etc. My therapist insisted that I have had a very tough life but she was paid to be on my 'side' so I don't know anymore!

Don't make the mistake of thinking it's you because it's not. You sound as though you're surrounded by arseholes who are more than happy to drag you down because their egos are weak and they need to offload onto you. Hand their shit back to them and force them to deal with their problems.

Don't make your self esteem dependant on others. Look at and focus on your positive points because everyone has them. Ignore your neighbours and ignore the people in shops and on the roads (everyone is miserable and abusive these days, it's not you).

Perhaps you could look into leaving your marriage and crappy in laws and reclaim your life. Education, a job, a different place to live is all there waiting for you.

Visit your GP to have your anxiety treated - it doesn't need to be crippling and hold you back, there are treatments.

I am defensive, very much so. I won't take anymore shit!! I guess that comes across to people.

Please be kind to yourself, you sound like you've been through a lot. Stay strong!

Meet people. Make it a priority to make 1 new friend this year.

^ That's my plan :)

It's not a therapist's job to be "on your side" they are there to help you realise and understand things about yourself, recognise and address problems. If she's saying you've had it tough, I'd believe her.

It sounds as though you need to find some friends without the angst of deliberately going to try to find some - try doing something you've always wanted to try, a class or course, and then you will automatically have something in common with the other participants. Get away from the sadness and disappointment of your regular surroundings for a little bit - walking is so good for the soul and a walking group might be available, or a craft? Good luck.

Your issues with your immediate family are beyond my scope, but to add a little sunshine into your life you could embark on a project to get smiles out of those supermarket checkout people, drivers and neighbours. Make the effort to say something nice ("Such a shame you're having to work today instead of enjoying the lovely weather", "Thanks for your help with packing - it makes such a difference" etc for the supermarket people. "Good morning, lovely day isn't it?", "Your garden is looking beautiful" etc for the neighbours). When driving give way to other drivers, give them a beaming smile when they give way to you. Tiny little things that brighten people's lives and will honestly brighten yours.

Do you smile when you go out to shops? I think it may also be a confidence thing too. I wasn't very confident as a teen and it was like people would feed off it, by being rude to me. As I've grown up, matured and gained more self confidence I find myself forcing to smile at people when I go out even if I feel like crap, because it attracts the good people, if that makes sense?

Sorry you're feeling like this.

I think when you have been badly let down, even by one very close friend or family member it can make you feel deeply insecure, negative and cynical about otherw. I understand why your childhood could well be influencing the way you live and the choices you make now. I totally get what you mean about the people at the checkout even being rude! I've been badly let down and betrayed by some close friends this year and it has clouded my veiws on life completely. Sometimes I think I will never get my optimistic, happy go lucky take on life back.

I really believe that the answer is to get out there and do things though. The more you do, the more people you meet, the more distracted you become and the more likely it is that you will meet people you like. What are your interests and hobbies?

Fakebook and others are so right though, if you project a negative hostile persona people react accordingly. It can't be a coincidence that on the days I feel really low Ifeel I get treated less politelt in shops!