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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New job ruined before i've even started :( (bit long - soz)

62 replies

careergal · 06/08/2013 21:42

After 10 years in a really great job that I totally enjoy surrounded by lovely colleagues, I took a chance at applying for a great new job at another place, more money, brill prospects.

I worked SO HARD on my application and during the 2 day long interview process, which I feel like I nailed and I have never said that about an interview, nor would I usually blow my own trumpet to that effect. I GOT THE JOB and was happy, couldn't believe it.

It turns out that I vaguely know the girl i'll be replacing as we went to Uni together - I did not realise until the day of the interview when she was observing one of the group tasks. Since then she has been in contact to meet up for drinks which I have done as I feel obliged since I got the job and she always disguises it as 'handing over' (which she has never done).

At every opportunity she keeps telling me, on a continuous loop that (in a nutshell):

She was the reason I got the job
She put a good word in
They were not going to recruit me until she told them i'd be good
The manager was begging her (after my interview) to take back her notice as they had not found anyone suitable but she managed to convince them

I'm so gutted! I want to tell her to STFU but it will go on deaf ears as she has no empathy and if anything looks shocked when I don't say 'oh thank you so much'! It has really upset me to the point that I don't even want the job :(

Say it's not true, I will still never know without asking the manager and presenting myself as needy and emotional (which I'm generally not)!

How do I get past this and AIBU!

OP posts:
Optimist1 · 06/08/2013 22:05

Pull yourself together, Careergal! It was a 2-day interview process and Miss Bitch observed one of the group tasks. You won this job on your own merits and as others have said above, she's just bigging herself up.

Congratulations on the new job! Wine

Anniegetyourgun · 06/08/2013 22:05

Just smile, say "that's nice" as though you meant it, and make childish finger signs behind her back. Works for me.

You could say to the manager (after she's gone, of course) something casual like "I hear x put in a good word for me" without sounding too needy. I'd put money on him replying "not really". Just make sure they know she did NOT hand over the role in any helpful sense, so they don't think you're a bit thick because of all the time she spent telling you stuff you don't seem to know.

notanyanymore · 06/08/2013 22:06

Ha! Relax she's full of bullshit!

LimitedEditionLady · 06/08/2013 22:08

Just go in there and show them what you are made of.Sounds to me like she is insecure about the person replacing her.I would cut ties,no doubt she is finding it hard to let go of her old job and i predict she eill be ringing you trying to get info out of you when you start.Dont respond,dont let it be about her.Its about you now,she is not part if your identity.Have a nice first day x

BlueStones · 06/08/2013 22:09

Total insecurity on her part - no company offers jobs exclusively on recommendation (especially not a fruitcake's recommendation).

I had a similar (ish) experience - a colleague insisted that every success I had at work, no matter how big or small, was only because she prayed for me. She seriously expected gratitude from me. Never got any, mind.

Original poster
careergal · 06/08/2013 22:11

These comments have made me feel so much better already! Thanks so much. She is leaving the company altogether (and has a new great job) so no idea why she's making it so hard for me. I'm just gutted that there'll always be the doubt at the back of my mind now, though I'd love to believe that she's probably greatly exaggerating her input.

OP posts:
Charlesroi · 06/08/2013 22:21

Perhaps she was convinced they couldn't do without her, asked for a payrise because she'd been offered another job and they didn't give her one. Maybe she's nervous about her new job?

Anyway, if this handover stuff is at all official please make sure she does it (in writing). Rule number 1 - cover your arse.

NatashaBee · 06/08/2013 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plim · 06/08/2013 22:29

God she sounds like a bag of horrors. Insecure and worried you'll come in and outshine her - so plain to see. No business would base a decision purely on one persons opinion - if that was the case why did they bother with a two day gruelling interview process. No, it's rubbish, they've chosen you for the job - they want you based on how you performed in the interview. If you'd done an awful interview do you seriously think that they would plump for you because 'she' said so? Not a chance in hell. Put it and her out of your mind and go and do a fucking marvellous job. Good luck.

Didactylos · 06/08/2013 22:32

blatent game playing and clearly trying to undermine you
please dont fall for it
you spent 2 days interviewing and felt you nailed it at the time- dont underestimate this feeling, you are probably right about it, and other posters are correct, what shes saying to you doesnt really add up

Go in there, head held high and do your job as well as you can. Ask for an official, written handover possibly copied into senior to clarify things. And dont even think about going to the boss and checking if her stories are true.

People will judge you on your own merits, and it will be interesting to see what is said about her at the office once she leaves

ExitPursuedByABear · 06/08/2013 22:33

Needy cow. Do a Malcolm Tucker on her.

I was once second choice for a job when the first appointee turned it down. It was great.

I think

Catmint · 06/08/2013 22:35

She is covering herself for all the deficiencies you will find once you are in post.

Well done, you were the strongest candidate.

MalcolmTuckersMum · 06/08/2013 22:36

Do a what on her? Grin

Mia4 · 06/08/2013 22:38

She's lying, she wants the ego boost, I doubt her opinion matters that much to be honest OP. I expect a few weeks in you'll hear lots of people slagging her off.

Congrats, enjoy the new job and do your best- i'm sure you'll show her up :)

GTbaby · 06/08/2013 22:44

I went to a local training session and got asking to another lady. When she found out where I worked she made a point of telling me she had turned down my job. I think it's bitchyness.

Ignore. Do a good job. Good luck.

MyNameIsSuz · 06/08/2013 22:49

I really feel for you, something similar happened to me. It was a temp contract at my own company, and I guessed during the application process that they hadn't had many applicants as the date for applications was pushed back (after I'd applied). As the person I was covering for was only on leave I had access to her email archives, which I needed to check periodically (so I knew exactly what had been said to certain people about their project). In doing so I found an email chain between her and my boss from the interview period where they were discussing the candidates and how none of us were much good and how they didn't think I had enough experience Sad

It was my first week in the job and really got to me, and I shouldn't have let it. It affected my confidence in my abilities, so I was more cautious in decisions and quiet in meetings etc, and affected my relationship with my boss. Eventually I got over it and things really picked up, and by the time I left I got on really well with my boss and had done well at the job.

Just try not to let it get to you, which I know is hard as I know how it feels. They will be happy with your performance if you do the job well, which you know you can as you wouldn't have applied otherwise. And who knows, half that stuff about not wanting her to leave etc they could have just been saying to her to be nice...

Chaaannggees · 06/08/2013 22:54

Don't meet up with her again
Congrats !!

Dorris83 · 06/08/2013 23:05

Congrats and do t think about this person anymore. You won't be working with her!

You were hired by other people who are NOT this girl, and who want you to work there.

You can now go in and take over the role and really nicely and professionally suggest a few changes to improve how it is done. Basically do it better than her and remember your new boss hired you because you we're the best person for the job, not because the person you're replacing 'put in a good word'

Good luck!

IceAddict · 06/08/2013 23:08

I would never take someone on, on a "good word" you got the job because you earned it. Ditch that cow she's no use to you. Enjoy your new job Grin

Turniptwirl · 06/08/2013 23:10

Ignore her she sounds like a bitch

No employer would go through a rigorous selection process and then end up with someone they weren't 100% happy with

Congrats on the new job!

TheDoctrineOfAllan · 06/08/2013 23:14

Ignore her!

tiggytape · 06/08/2013 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brightpinktoenails · 07/08/2013 00:22

She sounds like a tit.

You got the job because of your experience and how you presented yourself.

She needs to get a life. Who on earth would go on to their successor "oh I was ace at my job! Oh you only got the job because I said so! Oh they begged me to stay!"

Like I said, sounds like a tit!

ChippingInHopHopHop · 07/08/2013 00:37

LOL - she (almost) achieved what she set out to do - but MN was here to save the day Grin She wants you to feel insecure, she wants you to think that no-one else thinks you can do the job, she wants you to fail... all to make her look good. Bitch.

In time you will find ways to drop it into conversation and you will see from the responses that what she has said is utter bullshit.

No company does interviews like that, then simply employs someone because someone has put in a good word for them... it just doesn't work that way.

She's a tit - picture one where her face is everytime you think about her Grin

TroublesomeEx · 07/08/2013 08:08

You'll probably find they've spoken positively about their new recruit at work and she's taken that as a personal criticism.

She's worried about people telling you about how amazing you are and you thinking negatively of her.

Haven't read the other replies.

Is that pretty much what everyone else has said..?

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