to not want to be made to feel boring because I don't want to go to an all night party and have to sleep on someone's floor

[FreakoidOrganisoid]

Or go to a club until 6am
Or go to a dance festival
Or take drugs

I don't think it's unreasonable for me not to want to do any of these things. So why do I feel like the biggest killjoy when I say no?

Mmmm. I think, and this is merely my musings you understand, that your boyfriend sounds like a bit of a dick.

He's really not. He is just really into his music and likes to go to a big club night once or twice a year to see someone he likes play. And would like me to do that with him. Which I would if I could get to bed at a reasonable time, and sleep in a hotel or something.

I hated clubbing even at the age of 18. When I was 21, I meet my now dh, and he also hates clubbing. I have only been once to a club in the intervening 20 years. I love it that part of my life is over. Noisy, sweaty, can't get a seat and music too loud to hear a word that anyone says. No wonder so many clubbers are into drugs, they must have to be off their faces to tolerate the experience.

Don't any of these friends have a spare room you could sleep in? Go clubbing for a bit, house keys and a taxi home, get into bed with some ear plugs and sleep until DP comes to bed in the morning?

My friends love partying. I love partying. I NEVER go if my sleeping option is the sitting room floor. Ways organise the spare bed or an air mat on the floor in the spare room.

As you say, you could always sleep in a hotel. Go to club with BF until you're tired then jump in a taxi on your own to hotel leaving boyfriend to his big party?

What's the problem? Why can't you go out for a bit?

If it's really just once or twice a year, then I'd consider a quadruple espresso and putting a brave face on for a few hours. he's probably disappointed because he has a lot of fun doing this stuff and wants you to share in it.

So he does things that he does not want to do like days out with the kids? I can't believe he said that. Anyway yanbu. I loved going out clubbing in my 20's and staying out late but not anymore and I don't even had kids so not got that as an excuse. Just tell him that you won't make him go to your friends if he doesn't make you stay out all night. Why can't he just go on his own and vice versa?

How lovely that in the course of your discussion he informed you that he forces himself to go on days out with the kids

This IS a family man, right ?

Oh god. There is nothing worse than a group of thirty somethings pretending that they are still at sixth form college.

I used to be big into the club and rave scene in London in the late 90s early 00s and it was painfully embarrassing to see people that were the same age as some of your mates Mum's getting coked off their tits or pilled up. (Particularly if male and leering over teenaged girls.)

And they always seem to do it in Hoxton and have those dreadful hats on and the silly haircuts.

I think people should have grown out of it by that age, it's a bit unbecoming.

YANBU

I th

Christ there is no way you'd catch DH and I in a nightclub - we'd feel like the old sad gits that we used to laugh at when we were young.

i'm mid 30s.

YANBU. I have never been into any of that. I use my illness as an excuse not to go now but am glad that I have the 'excuse' as until I mention it people go on and on at me to just do it and go out

I would piss myself laughing if anyone suggested I might want to go out clubbing all night and then sleep on a floor or in a car.
I'm 35. I wouldn't have done it when I was 25 with 2 small kids either.

Thankfully DH never was an all night party person otherwise I would have been very unamused at the sleeping on the floor suggestion

If it's only once or twice a year, I can't see the problem? Can you not organise a place to stay then go out for as long as you can then make your way back to the accommodation at a time that suits you?

I don't look 32 so can still just get away without the youngers cringing at my being an oldie in a club . My DP is big into drum and bass, I'm into metal, we alternate the all nighter clubs, the day I get bored of the energy music gives me, that's the day I'll stop.

YANBU

i have not done this since i was about 20

and tbh hated it even then

YA definitely NBU! I am 29 and both DH and I outgrew that lifestyle when we left uni and we don't even have kids we are just borebags

Ok I need to defend him a bit here.
He mentioned the days out as part of a different conversation. When I had said about not wanting to go to something he said "well I didnt particularly want to go to but I still went". It's not that he doesn't want to do stuff with my kids, it's that child orientated places aren't especially fun for him.

He doesn't have any children but is great with mine and they love him.

Same with my friends, it's not that he doesn't like them or want to spend time with them, it's that they live on the other side of the country to us so it involves lots of travelling time (but at least we get a bed at my friends' houses )

That sounds better

I think you are putting pressure on yourself to please him though, aren't you ?

YANBU. I think some people just need to learn when to quit it and go to bed. They all talking bollocks and behave like arses after 2am anyway.

When this comes up, can you really not get a hotel for the night? If it's only once or twice a year? I understand he would rather not pay for it, but it would be a pretty easy way to solve the problem, and doesn't cost all THAT much.

Ps. No way in hell would I be willing to wait around for the floor to clear so I could sleep on it. YANBU. You sound very nice. He sounds okay to me but not as nice as you; why hasn't he said "Given your difficulties with sleep etc. this won't be fun for you, let's get a hotel"? I mean this is supposed to be fun. If there's money to pay for the travel and the door fee and the drinks, which are all being bought in order to have fun, then there should be money to pay for a hotel room, which is also being bought in order to have fun.

Even in my teens/20s, no matter how much i'd had to drink or where i'd ended up - i'd always find some way to get to a proper bed in a safe place. My own home, or a good friend's. (Often the birds were singing by then, and the milkman had been,but i would still manage it ... )

OP a couple of years ago my DH fell in with some friends who seemed hell bent on reliving their 20s. These people were late 30s to mid 40s. Weekends of drugs, drink, stupidly late nights, fights, throwing up in hotel corridors ....

Every few months DH and i were invited along. He and i would go, but skirt around the worst of it (no drugs, no fighting) but would get legless and be badly hung over for a day or two afterwards. No where near the state the rest of them got in.

I got pretty upset after the last outing. I was stressed and tired and we had stuff to do. DH admitted he'd had enough of it too. Thank Christ :)

Be true to yourself OP. If you're not going to enjoy it - don't go. Or find a way to make it doable for you. On these outings i described i would insist on a decent hotel in a room well away from the main 'gang', so we could escape the worst of it. Ridiculous. I wouldn't do it again.