To blame DH for workmens' delays, or am I being U and controlling?

[Loopytiles]

We're having a new bathroom (yay). We have the one bathroom / loo so there is upheaval (we have two toddler/preschool DC and no local relatives so having to use kind friends' bathrooms, a plastic baby bath, swimming pool showers and things).

The builder cutting a hole for a new window cut it too big. DH had told him the measurements, but just verbally, not written down (the builder didn't write them down himself either, said he would remember them). Correcting this caused two days delay to the project.

The window company putting in the new window who said it was a day's work that they could slot in without pre-booking the day cannot now put it in as they are busy. Not yet causing delay.

The bath that DH ordered a week or so ago hasn't arrived beyond the "maximum delivery time" of 7 days, and the bathroom men can't do any further work until it arrives. The toilet ordered at the same time has a big crack in it, a new one on its way.

I think DH is - partly - to blame for the delays, as he could've put things in writing and ordered things further in advance. He thinks IABU and horrible and untrusting, so putting it to the MN test!

If IABU am putting it down to needing a nice calming bath....

Well, it seems like quite a big and expensive project to take a chance on in terms of things as vital as measurements and delivery times. Personally, I'd have left more contingency time but then I used to work in project management so am known for being a bit over the top about these things.

I think your DH could be said to be partly to blame - but if he's a generous sort and not used to this sort of thing, he probably just believed everyone who said they'd deliver on time, knew the measurements etc. The toilet seat delivered with the crack in is annoying - can you get the company to courier another one to you at their expense?

yabu!

Your builder didn't write the measurements down and said he would remember them????? Does he wear a stetson?

Your DH and/or the builder definitely should have written down the measurements and I think your husband was BU to just trust that the builder would remember them. That said if he gave the correct measurements to the builder it is ultimately the builder's fault so I wouldn't come down on your husband too hard.

If the bath was meant to be delivered within 7 days and it has now been more than 7 days then that is not your DH's fault as he would be reasonable to assume 7 days meant 7 days and that, along with the cracked toilet, should be taken up with the delivery company. YABU to blame your husband for that.

I hope you get your nice relaxing bath soon :)

Yabu. presumably you could have done the things you say your husband should have done. why is it more his fault than yours?

I'd blame the builder for not actually taking the measurements himself!

Most joiners/builders go by the mantra "Measure twice, cut once" to avoid exactly this sort of scenario!

Oh, and the delayed delivery and cracked toilet can hardly be your DHs fault surely?

If he is the one who is project managing the new bathroom then yes, he was a bit dim to order things so close to fitting, definitely daft to have not given the builder written instructions, and naive or hopeful at best to think all would arrive in perfect time, in perfect order, and that all parties involved would do their part in a timely fashion.

Given that he probably isn't a builder/interior designer, it's all entirely forgivable, as long as he learns for next time!

Yes he's largely to blame, but that doesn't mean it's helpful for you to blame him. Both of you need to get over it, sort out the issues together, and plan better next time.

YANBU to feel frustrated, but problems and delays are always common, even with written down measurements.

For the next project, YOU run it. Actions speak louder than words so unless you have managed a few projects without a hitch then YABU to 'blame' your DH, even if he is ultimately responsible for a few of the delays.

The builder's an idiot and so is your DH!

YABU.

I've never ever known a bathroom or kitchen type installation to go smoothly without even one single hitch - even when planned and measured to the nth degree.

Cut your DH some slack.

Mixed responses. Phew. Was prepared for a flaming, as I do think IABU really.

I would happily manage the project or help but DH really wants to do it and doesn't want me to be involved at all. He has a fair bit of this kind of experience (hobby, not for work), with mixed results!

Yes wibbly, he is indeed a trusting, generous sort! (I am not).

Thanks all

When I asked how come he didn't write the measurements down for the builder DH said "that's not how they work", he didn't want to come across as uncool to the builder by insisting on writing things down

Don't get into the U or otherwise of it. Building work is always stressful. Be nice to each other until it's over.

It was pretty uncool of the builder to fuck up though, i hope he put his mistake to rights without charging. I am incredulous that he didn't write it down. My DP is a builder and OK, will often write things on a scrap of paper, or worse, a bit of wood but he writes it down and then transfers it to notepad etc to do estimate. Oh and tell your DH, it absolutely IS how they work - builders are clever folk (well i would say that!) but they don't have photographic memories!

Yes, you are right tempus, I need to be nice.

LEM fhe builder was sorry and did correct his mistake!

I think you are being a bit U about the bath delivery - if you are getting the bathroom delivered, and someone else fitting it, it's always tricky getting the timing right - you don't want to have a bathroom suite knocking about the house for days before it's due to be fitted.

I think the builder is to blame about the window, but your DP should have insisted the figures were written down - sorry to any builders/DPs of builders, but my experience is that they are slippery fuckers who will wriggle out of the blame for anything. At the very least, any costs incurred by the delay to getting the window fitted should be split with the builder. Lesson learned and all that . . .