To draw the line at these 2nd hand items

[Mrchip]

SIL won't have anything 2nd hand.
I've always bought books, toys I can wipe/wash and an occasional item of clothing 2nd hand.

MIL seems to be using us as a dumping ground for her charity shop habit.
Would you accept the following:- AIBU to be beginning to get offended! (need to be much blunter)

1. A 2nd hand used changing mat to use at her house for my precious 8 month old. (savalged from a rubbish dump)

Protested but apparently it'll bleach

1. A used too big bike helmet that charity shop not allowed to sell. For use by 3 year old at her house.

Better than nothing apparently (has a new one at our house)

1. Faded bobbled babygrows 'not good enough to be sold'. As spares.

1. Worn wellies and shoes for 3 year old (to keep at hers). I'll happily send his (lovely Joules ones bought each year by godmother) when he visits.

I did protest at 1st 2 items but she quickly justified why ok....I need to put my foot down don't I?

You certainly do.

I buy most things second hand but there are things I pass by.

(And thinking you'll take them will just feed her habit - she can justify taking things to herself.)

Personally love second hand but if they are not good enough for a charity shop to sell or are just dangerous. (Or shoes - second hand shoes, just no but i hate feet) then yanbu.

YUCK to the dump mat. I don't think so.

The bike helmet could be worse than no helmet at all, you should only buy brand new as it may have unseen damage from a previous accident you know nothing about.

The bobbly babygros and crappy shoes, weird but not actually disgusting or harmful I suppose. But yes, strop about the first two at least.

If she's collecting stuff to be used at her own house I wouldn't have so much of a problem, at least you don't have to put up with it in your house!

The cycle helmet would bother me a bit - would only want 2nd hand from a trusted source (i.e. friends/family)

The wellies i think sound fine (to me) Wouldnt be thrilled about any of the others. At least she doesnt want you to have them at yours. Just tell her your not comfortable with the items. Everyones different.

If it's all for at her house I don't have an issue.

Apart from the bike helmet, it's actually worse than nothing to have an ill fitting helmet!

I think it comes down to preference and the importance we place on 'new stuff' or branding, 2nd hand crap looking willies are perfectly fine for spares (or even the main ones!) so I could argue that YABU for having Joules willies for a 3 year old (I won't argue that of course, because I don't care either way).

SINBU and you are being a little U, and also YANBU to have a preference, but if that extends to Granny's house, you should pay for it!

If the dump mat is not split and is cleaned there's no reason AT ALL why it's 'wrong'.

A too big bike helmet is a big no-no. It's actually not better than nothing.

I'm a total second-hander, but even I would draw the line at changing mat salvaged from a rubbish dump! Ditto worn wellies - oh, great, not enough grip for a three year old in the rain. BAM!

You MUST nip this psychosis in the bud.

I am going to pay for a mat for her house. Will have to confront her outright as I pulled a face when she told me and she said it would be fine. She has v set opinions.

I think her house is a red herring- it's still disgusting/unsafe/tatty when at hers!

The fact is I am open minded re 2nd hand. He wears his wellies all the time so why shouldn't his godmother buy him nice tractor ones?

Personally I would prefer second hand proper wellies to new Joules ones as I used to work for somewhere that sold Joules and they are crap. I could guarantee that at least one pair of Joules wellies would be returned every week as they split. I wouldn't touch them with a bargepole, Hunters are even worse.

Mrchip There is nothing wrong with nice new stuff, I am just saying that doesn't mean 2nd stuff is always crap.

I suppose it depends on the state of these items.

Fully sealed changing mat = fine. Mouldy damp split one = not fine (regardless of whether it's from the dump or not).

Same with everything else (apart from the helmet).

Put your foot down on the REALLY important things and let the rest go. So, for me, that would be the bike helmet.

I get second hand stuff for my DS but I would never accept a used cycle helmet. Probably wouldn't use a dumped change mat either.

Shoes, well you aren't supposed to use second hand shoes as they won't be moulded to your children's feet, guess its personal preference. Wellies I don't see why it matters.

I wouldn't use bobbly baby grows. I just buy them cheap from Asda anyway.

Wouldn't bother me at all, love second hand stuff, including re-claims from the tip.

I can see why you don't like the idea though, if you normally dress your child in 'Joules willies .

Bike helmets have to be replaced every 5 years. The foam stuff degrades and provides a lessor protection level. So a second hand one that doesn't fit, I'd be prepared to just take away and bin on my next visit and hang the consequences.

Well they've been great for puddle jumping and have lasted really well.

Another family member had a baby recently and I offered our hand me downs. Was told they'd be bought plenty so wouldn't want. Think that's another reason why all this random crap I'd starting to grate.

This week also got a cot protector (not allowed to sell) and a v faded hoody (just don't need)

I'm not snobby 3/4 DC books and 1/2 toys are 2nd hand!

The bike helmet and wellies wouldn't bother me at all. Wellies I bought for ds1 have gone through about five kids by now I think being passed down and round various friends. And bike helmet, kids one really aren't going to have had the impact at that age (around three is he?) to have awarranted it unsafe. Mine only went onto new ones instead of second hand this last year at 5 and 6.

The other stuff, depends on how dirty the mat is, most dont have even a mark on. And the babygrows, just say thanks and chuck in the recycling box when you next go past

So yab a little U imo.

Wellies - I grew up wearing handmedowns as did my siblings. So long as they are too big rather than tight, unless your MIL lives on a farm they'll rarely get worn. Buy him a nice pair of fleecy liners perhaps.
Or just tell her to do one

Yeah wellies might be fair enough- think some nurseries have them for wet weather too. Though I do think sibling hand me downs are different.

There's a charity warehouse near me that sells everything. Including - for example - potties, napkins/hankies, toilets (actual bathroom loos that just sit in the warehouse in a row), furniture in any state as long as its useable, so your mattress might come with a pleasant brown stain or five, huge huge piles of be-headed Barbies and worn teddy bears.

I grew up on hand me downs for everything - but I still cringe when I imagine willingly buying and using a second hand toilet or potty. I have enough trouble using loos in accommodation I rent!

I did find a stuffed fox in there. He had taken up a new role in life as a scarf. He cost 20p.. I chased my poor mother round the store with him..

As for your items - helmet and changing mat, I wouldn't, but everything else should be fine.

I had the same sort of thing years ago with my MIL. We had been talking about a pram for PFB. I didn't worry about much being new, but I did want a new pram.

Next thing I know, some godawful pram was dumped on me. Honestly, it was something from the late 60s or early 70s. It couldn't be folded up to fit in the car and, worse than that, it was really dirty. DH told her that we wanted a new pram and that we wouldn't be taking it home until baby was born. It sort of stopped her. She did/does always buy secondhand books, especially for our DC (not for SIL's!).

I think you just have to say something, or better yet, get DH to say it.

Fucking hell a changing mat from a dump?!?!
Tell MIL no more stuff, you have everything you need and are cluttered.

1. A 2nd hand used changing mat to use at her house for my precious 8 month old. Yuck - could use a towel or buy a fresh one yourself.

1. A used too big bike helmet - used is ok if right size and sure not been in accident - I would accept hand me down from friends (ie known) but not from strangers, and only if right size. Would put my foot down at too big helmet.

1. Faded bobbled babygrows 'not good enough to be sold'. Babygros - fine in her house, but I wouldn't give shelf space.

1. Worn wellies and shoes for 3 year old (to keep at hers). Wellies I think useful as don't always know when needed and they don't wear so much for foot moulding to be an issue but shoes not good - not sure why you'd need.

I think you are being very over particular if its just spare stuff for her house