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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave a 2 year old in the car while nipping to corner shop

59 replies

Arnie123 · 05/08/2013 12:38

I have always left my son who is 2 in the car when I am going to pay for petrol at a garage as I genuinely feel he is safer in the car than around other cars and petrol. I always make sure it is one of those garages where I can watch my car from the queue.
Today I was in a rush but wanted a bottle of milk from a tiny corner shop. I could see from stranding next to the car there was no queue but in the end decided to take my son in the shop with me.
Is it unacceptable behaviour to leave a toddler in a locked car while nipping in a corner shop?

OP posts:

kinkyfuckery · 05/08/2013 12:39

If you've made an educated decision based on distance/time etc, then no, there's no pre-determined rule as to whether it's ok or not, imo.

I'd do it, having checked the risks etc.

PrincessYoni · 05/08/2013 12:42

I do it having done as kinky said, checking the risks. I cannot pick up my 2yo DD so having her loose near roads and cars is far more dangerous than leaving her strapped up in a locked car for 2 mins. Where I can, I use pay at pump and I have food deliveries and shop when she's not with me, but if needs must I do. She's always in eyeshot and I would never leave her if I could not see her.

ElBombero · 05/08/2013 12:43

What kinkyfuckery said. I do it rarely but if she safe and understands mummy will only be limited so doesn't get scared and I can see my car yrs I would and have

FoxyRevenger · 05/08/2013 12:43

I do it, I think it's fine. He's 2, he's presumably strapped in and can't go clambering all over the car. For 2 minutes it's pretty unlikely anything would happen.

FranSanDisco · 05/08/2013 12:44

I suppose some will say never acceptable but I, like you, used to leave dc in the car whilst paying for petrol. I also left DS in the car when picking DD up from Nursery when she was ill once. I could see the car from the hallway and he was asleep.

QueenofKelsingra · 05/08/2013 13:51

i have 3DCs under 4 and I always leave them in the locked car for that sort of errand. Sometimes I manage to park right out side the shop so I can see them but sometimes they are a few cars down. I live in a small town which is very neighbourly and I feel it is safe. I am gone maximum of 5 mins. To me the risk is miniscule versus the faff of getting 3 kids out and trying to herd them safely around the shop for the sake of a pint of milk!

I'm sure others disagree but they are likely to be the ones who actually consider unloading their kids to pay for petrol - it never ever entered my head to do this or that people would do this until I read it on here!! far safer in the car on a petrol forecourt imo!

Sirzy · 05/08/2013 13:54

Its not something I would do, but its not something I would judge someone else for doing either.

I use pay at the pump to avoid any issue when getting petrol!

zatyaballerina · 05/08/2013 14:17

I wouldn't leave my life savings unattended in the car for a minute, definitely not my child. It's unlikely anything would happen but it's a possibility that someone could steal the car with the child in it or target the child if you're out of view for a second. Shit always happens to somebody.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 05/08/2013 14:24

I usually use "pay at pump", as there are often queues to pay at the petrol station. I am fortunate to have a cashpoint in a petrol station forecourt right next to parking spaces, so I can still see the children. I have, on occasion, run into the small Co-op for a handful of items, when I know they are safe and strapped in and the elder ones know exactly what is going on. I don't especially like doing it, but I am careful and life is too short. I have four children: 6, 4, 2 and 0 (and the two year-old is well away from the Baby!).

OhDearNigel · 05/08/2013 14:29

it's a possibility that someone could steal the car with the child in it or target the child if you're out of view for a second

It takes more than a second to break into, hot wire and drive off in a stolen motor.
Even my ancient old T reg cronk took 3 builders, one of whom had previously stolen cars in Poland, and a selection of wire coathangers 20 minutes to break into when I managed to lock the keys in the car.

You could argue that they're safer left in the car as they won't break free of your hand and try running into the traffic.

FrussoHathor · 05/08/2013 14:38

I've only ever seen one person take dc out of the car at a perform station. And that seemed more about the DC choosing an icecream than anything else.

cestlavielife · 05/08/2013 14:40

so long as you take you keys with you and lock car. and leave window slightly open if hot.

jamdonut · 05/08/2013 14:57

I always left mine in the car.

I never considered that the risk of something happening whilst I spent a few moments in the petrol station shop was so great that that I would rather go through all the kerfuffle of getting them out ( especially if asleep) and taking them in with me and then having to buckle up again. Personally, I think it is more dangerous to have them out on the forecourt.

I've also run into shops that I managed to park right outside and could see the car,on many occasion. Usually no longer than 5 minutes.

You cannot go through life thinking the absolute worst all the time.You will end up a nervous wreck! Shit does happen,but you weigh up those possibilities. Your choice. Doesn't mean you don't care about your children if you take the "risk".

My children managed to make it to 13,16 and 21 so far on my risk assessments.

qazxc · 05/08/2013 15:10

It depends if the 2 mins are really 2 mins.
I have previously got a mouthful off a woman for calling police after she left children unattended in a car. It was south of france, around midday, in full sun, car windows shut. At first i thought "she's only popped into the boulangerie" but hung around just in case. 5 mins later still no sign of her. I tried the doors, peering in for any information that might point me in the right direction. Having no sign i called police. She arrived 20 mins after, when i told her i'd called the police she started screaming at me like a fishwife "i was only 2 mins, i could see them, what business is it of yours you bloody fascist, etc,etc....." and drove off. I don't think that IWABU.

LimitedEditionLady · 05/08/2013 17:05

I have always taken ds with me if i leave the car.He would kick off if i left him ( he just likes coming with us,not even to get anything,hes just nosy!) Tbh i havent really ever thought to leave him in the car...

Val007 · 05/08/2013 17:34

I would not leave my child unattended. Not even at home in the next room (not for fear of kidnapping, but for fear he may hurt himself). Kidnappings happen to unattended children. Whether it is a second, or two minutes, snatchers just go for it. You have no idea what they do with the kids afterwards (murder is the least disgusting thing). Sorry, but leaving kid in car is wrong and sounds horribly lazy. No way!

LimitedEditionLady · 05/08/2013 20:37

I dont know if maybe people will think im overprotective but im not an anxious parent in the slightest its just a natural thing to me that if im going away from the car then he comes too.

Sirzy · 05/08/2013 20:40

I would not leave my child unattended. Not even at home in the next room

How old is he? sounds rather OTT!

jamdonut · 05/08/2013 21:01

Seriously,are you really that worried Val007?

Goldmandra · 05/08/2013 21:07

I know one person whose car has burst into flames within a couple of minutes of her parking it (she had often left her baby asleep in it on her drive) and another whose son was in the back of a car when it was stolen so I'm probably a little oversensitive.

I wouldn't do it if the car was out of sight because I think it's really easy to be a lot longer than you intended on errands like that.

If I could see the car no problem. It's only the same as leaving them in there while you buy a car park ticket.

Splitheadgirl · 05/08/2013 21:11

I can't understand why so many mothers parents feel the need to justify their own judgement. Of course YANBU, but I wonder when we as parents started to doubt our decisions surrounding the care of our children.

Splitheadgirl · 05/08/2013 21:13

Val007, why are you judging someone by your own overbearing standards?? You need to learn to ease up.

Lackedpunchesforever · 05/08/2013 21:14

Petrol station yes because by their nature you can always see the car. Anything else for a 2 year old no chance.

Scrounger · 05/08/2013 21:32

I leave my 3yo twins in the car when buying a paper / milk at the local shop, the car is right outside (closer than when buying petrol) and I can see it. I also leave them in the car when buying petrol. I have always done this, it isn't' wrong and horribly lazy'. I would love to know how to buy petrol and take them both in, I would have to either put them in the pushchair or once they were walking put them in reins. Pay at the pump I suppose if available or wait until someone is in the car with me.

My risk analysis is that they are more likely to be run over on the forecourt / getting in and out of the car than the car catching fire or being kidnapped. I do leave the car unlocked, if it did catch fire it would be easier for someone to get them out but makes it easier if someone tries to kidnap them. I only do this at the local village shop, we are rural and I probably wouldn't do this in other locations.

Val007 · 05/08/2013 21:32

My son is 18 months old. I am not worried as such. I don't envision disaster all the time. In fact, I never contemplate this scenario, as I never do it. I simply prefer to cover my bases before the worst happens, rather than pull my hair afterwards, when there would be nothing I can do.

I apologise for being judgmental, apparently it is a very sensitive subject.

Re petrol stations etc - you never see the car 100% of the time - when you enter, when you queue, when some obstacle hides your car (other car or people standing in front of it), when paying (do you look at the child all the time, even when paying, when talking to the cashier, when entering your pin, when putting the change in your purse? Nope...) And even if you are looking - guess what - you may witness someone snatching your kid and by the time you run out - they are gone! Total nightmare. I don't want to take part in it, thank you very much.

Like others have said - there are other dangers - fire, another car crashing into yours, theft etc etc. I may sound OTT, but am not. I simply feel uncomfortable with the idea of leaving my child alone.

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