AIBU to consider leaving work to be a SAHM

[coraltoes]

Ok, i need help. BIG TIME.
I work full time at a senior role in the city, with a great salary (not boasting, just to give idea of what i will be leaving). It dawned on me recently that i do not need to work. ie: DH earns enough to maintain our family happilly, and i could stay home and bring up DC. I would possibly have to indulge in less treats but it wouldnt be a big financial burden on the family if that makes sense.

When i think about DD future I dont want her to look back at her childhood and see a string of childcare professionals taking her to school, minding her in holidays etc. and i doubt on my deathbed i'll say "i wish i had worked more and seen DD less" BUT will i resent giving up my career? Are there any good blogs out there about the realities of being a stay at home mum? How do others make the decision whether to take the leap? What does your day involve if you are a SAHM to school aged children?

this is not me belittling or anything at all...i really really need to get a picture of what life would be like, and so far i just imagine a great big fat question mark! help pls!

How does your husband feel? Would he want the burden of being the sole earner? How secure is his job?

Are there any alternatives? Could both of you work reduce/compress hours or take a sabbatical?

My mom gave up her full-time career when we were kids to reduce the household's stress and took up part-time work based out of the house. However, now that she is pushing 60, she and my dad are looking at very little retirement savings for themselves (Dad's income being stretched across nearly all bills, college tuitions, a cross-country move, etc - retirement was the least of their day-to-day worries). They now have a mortgage on a house that has lost value and a very weak life insurance policy. If anything happens to my dad, my mother will go broke and will also lose her health insurance coverage. Mom has tried off and on to get back into full-time work, but her confidence has been knocked by the time away.

Based on Mom's experience, I will be going back to work full-time once my mat leave is up. However, if my job required me to work insane hours and offered no flexibility, I would probably try to transfer my skills sideways into a new career.

I gave up a professional job several years ago now to be at home. It's not something I ever thought I would do earlier in life - but we have no family support nearby & DH works long hours.

I've never regretted it. There's been time when money has been tight and holidays have been sparse - but on the whole it's great. Benefits come in the teenage years where there's a deep bond with your children. Mine have recently spontaneously said that DH and I made the right decision.

The advice about keeping part-time work on may be an idea. It's important to keep a sense of yourself as a person. If you don't keep on some kind of work then I would say to take up an interest or a course that's for enjoyment and personal development.

Both DDs will be in reception in three years (currently 3.5 years and 21 months).

My long term plan to to do some volunteer work - there's a few organisations who work to support families (young and old) in the local area. They are flexible with times and days. From there, I'm looking to do another course/qualification that works alongside the volunteer work. That way, when the DDs are old enough (maybe secondary school!), I can go part time or full time in that sector. I see that they still need me throughout primary (and possibly even into secondary!) for homework, support, reading, ferrying from one activity to another! So will have to work around that also!

I am probably older than many of you. What with a 7 year career break, 5 years part time and then a complete change of career, rebuilding my networks and starting again... I probably lost 10 to 15 years seniority. It doesn't matter at all. There is still another 15 years or so to retirement, which will be quite long enough for career satisfaction. Meanwhile I had a manageable time bringing up the kids (who turned out to need more than average levels of medical and educational care) and time to enjoy my life.

The only thing I slightly regret is I am not rich, which I would have been. But I am used to that now.

I would say to all of you worrying- take the time out, but plan intelligently for your return to work, on your own terms..Don't burn out trying to have it all, and then be so exhausted physically and emotionally that you go to the other extreme and stick your head completely in the sand about ever working again. You may well spend ten years as a SAHM and enjoy every moment, but you will still want a plan at the end of it.

Thanks all so much for the advice.

To those asking about DH: he is supportive. He wouldnt quit work himself as he earns multiples of what i do (hence us being able to rely solely on his income). Also think he would not enjoy it enormously...

I've looked into career breaks and yes! my firm does offer them so i think sensibly that ought to be my first port of call. It buys me a free option for a couple of years and after that i can see whether there is a part time role or some other capacity in which i could return. If nothing appropriate they offer redundancy (depending on circs)... so i'll put the application in for that early next yr and spend the meantime thinking how best to word it!

many thanks again, i think my head was a bit scrambled by all the possibilities, and most of all i dont want to lose my sense of self (not defined through work of course, but through independance).

I am a SAHM. My situation slightly different because we are not very well off. But tbh, I have three childen and would spend all I earned on childcare if I did work.

I stopped working when my eldest started school. It was fine sending him to nursery three days a week as a pre-schooler but when he started school, I'd have had to send him to breakfast club, after school club and holiday club, and my opinion was that it would be too much for him, the day too long etc.

Only you will know if you'll resent giving up your career - but your career will always be there (iplenty of people have career breaks) - but children grow up before you know it.