To be worrying about having another baby?

[Wilberforce2]

Ok I feel awful for writing this but I am 12 weeks pregnant and can't stop thinking "what the hell have I done"! I have a ds who is 5 years old, we have been trying for #2 since ds turned two (wanted to get all the hard stuff out of the way early). Baby number two didn't happen quickly for no apparent reason (secondary infertility as no trouble conceiving ds) and then out of the blue just as we were planning on stopping at Christmas it did happen! I was completely over the moon as is dh and ds who has wanted a Brother or Sister for years. Now I have had my scan and know everything is ok it's like this fear has set in and I'm thinking what have I done, I have a 5 year old our life is easy my son is an absolute angel and has been all the way through. DH now seems to take great delight in telling me that you never have two the same and that we are due "a monster" because of the easy ride we have had with ds.

A few people have expressed surprise over our age gap and have said that I am mad for "going back to babies" after all this time which doesn't make me feel any better.

It's going to be ok isn't it? I'm just being stupid because this is all I've wanted since we started trying 3 years ago. A 6 year age gap is ok isn't it? I know I'm being completely unreasonable for thinking I've made a mistake but I'm just really scared all of a sudden!

The age gap is the least of the things to be concerned about, it's the extra work and cost that would worry me! But if you're fine with those, don't worry yourself. People cope with more kids than just 2 anyway..

Don't listen to the naysayers! It's totally normal to feel a little apprehensive, but 6 years really isn't that big a gap. My DSis has recently had DNiece after quite a few years trying (DNephew was 5.5 when she was born) and it is a great age gap. DNephew is old enough to do much more himself, he doesn't have the sibling rivalry that a lot of closer-in-age kids have as he is clearly the 'big boy' and he's absolutely besotted with his little sis, as are many of the kids in his class (he's just started school).

Relax, enjoy, you will be fine! Hope all goes well for you all.

It will be fine, there is a similar age gap between my two nieces and they play happily together.

On the plus side you will have only one child waking at night and only one child to care for during the day because your ds will be in school. Older siblings can help fetch nappies and other items while you are feeding the baby and they can be another set of eyes once your younger one is mobile.

I am 15 weeks with my third, a complete surprise, I only found out at 12 weeks pregnant, dd2 is 17 months old. I understand the fear, another child just when you started getting your life back is a daunting prospect.

Watching my two playing together and the way they love each other makes it worth it. On a sad note, my DH lost his mum 2 years ago, having siblings to share the burden of grief with has made it more bearable.

Thank you Occams that was exactly what I wanted to hear! I've definitely had more negative comments than positive ones so I think that's sent me into a panic thinking what have I done! Ds is so excited already about being the big brother so hopefully that continues. I feel like a first time parent all over again as it just seems so long ago that I was in charge of a newborn!

LoveCupboards it's not the thought of having two that is worrying me as I know that people cope with many more kids than that it's just the thought of going backwards after so long. Just a general panic more than anything specific.

Just wrote a long reply and site went offline as I posted grrr...

I think in many ways having a slightly longer gap is better than the classic 'about 2 years'. You have been spared the 'joy' of having a newborn while potty training, toddler tantrums etc. Your ds is now old enough to actually help with his new brother or sister.

Two friends of mine had a similar gap to yours, due to fertility issues, and although both said they felt a bit left out when other people started having their seconds, as a matter of fact it was much easier to have the longer gap, and they felt they were able to enjoy their second child a lot more.

The 'friends' saying such unhelpful things are being extremely rude, and I wonder if DH thinks he's being funny? It sounds like the sort of thing DP and his mates might find funny. I blame it on public school education and too much rugby club, and ignore it.

I think the age gap is perfect, that's what sort of gap I'd like between children to be honest. I've looked after lots of siblings close together in age and it does not appeal!

It's normal to be worried but as soon as the new baby is here you won't be able to imagine it any other way :-)

Anotherstitch congratulations and wow what a shock finding out at 12 weeks! Glad that people understand what I mean and I haven't come across like a complete nutter I think it is that fear that right now my life is really easy and come February it's going to go crazy again!

I have always worried about my ds being an only child (I know he would have been fine as only children are but it was never what I wanted) so knowing he is going to have a sibling is great.

Feeling calmer already!

I have 8 years between 1&2 and 8 years between 2&3, the age gap is a doddle compared to the less than 2 years I have between 3&4!

I think its normal to feel a bit scared about how things will be, regardless of how big the age gap

I think the fear factor can be a common theme no matter what the circumstances of your existing family are. I remember when I got pregnant with DD, although I was delighted, I also thought, 'fuck, what the hell have I gone and done!!'. It's all about change, and change can be scary. I think that it true whether it's your first child, your second, your third, etc and no matter what the age differences between them are.

Some people just love to be all negative about things. Nappies again! Sleepless nights again! Blah, blah, sodding blah. Possibly the MN classic, 'did you mean to be so rude?' might be an appropriate response?

You might want to think about calling DH on his remarks about being due a monster. I doubt he really means it, but he should know if it's not helpful and is upsetting you.

We went to see friends last night who have a 15 year age gap between their DD and 7-week old DS. They are so happy and said that this is the best thing to have happened to them as a family.

Congratulations!

It'll be fine, there is a 3.5 year age gap between my sons and DS1 is gorgeous with his baby brother - makes him laugh, helps by fetching nappies, etc. It makes me so happy when I see how much they love each other.

When I was pregnant my DSis told me that she and our DB had been discussing how good DS1 is and they were hoping DC2 would be a "nightmare" as then "I would know what it was like". Nice. Turns out he is an even easier baby than DS1. so up yours nasty nay-sayers

Thanks Wilber, glad you are feeling calmer already.

My second daughter was lots calmer and a better sleeper than dd1, a reflection of my increased confidence perhaps?

Second children also have to slot in around the rest of the family a lot more, so maybe I am more relaxed with myself about routines etc.. than I was with pfb.

The only thing I have found is that dd2 has met a lot of her physical milestones earlier than dd1, probably because she can't wait to be able to do all that she does.

Lordy, but people like to piss on parades, don't they?
It's ace news! Get on with it, woman!!!!!

You will be fine.
I felt anxious like you and my DS is 3. It's normal to be apprehensive.
I'm now 34 weeks and am loving seeing my Ds growing excitement over his baby brothers impending arrival.
You're feelings of doubt will pass as mine did. Good luck and massive congratulations.