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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to let my baby cry in the car?

29 replies

inneedofsomehelpplz · 05/08/2013 11:10

my family live three hours away & i try & visit once every 3 weeks but my nearly 7 month old hates her car seat. if travelling with dp or dc someone will entertain whilst i drive but if travelling alone she cries. i hate it & have pulledover - not hungry - is just bored & wants to be held/played with. sometimes it has taken me 6 hours to do a 3 hour car trip.

aibu to allow her to cry or should i simply stop visiting family? (((pulling hair out as need to pop to shops with baby in tow)))

OP posts:

maja00 · 05/08/2013 11:12

Can you time car journeys for naps? I still do that with my almost 3 year old as he gets car sick.

Original poster

inneedofsomehelpplz · 05/08/2013 11:16

my whole life is planned round naps but being a 20 minute power napper doesnt help (((sigh)))

OP posts:

derektheladyhamster · 05/08/2013 11:18

I'd let them visit you more often. But it's ok to let them cry in the car, if you can still concentrate.

cestlavielife · 05/08/2013 11:19

will she sit in car seat at home?

it is the motion or the seat?

if she isnt in pain and is fed and watered and clean then you can ignore her crying (if you can) - try music ?

FrogsGoWhat · 05/08/2013 11:20

Oh yes I remember this. I really feel for you - it was awful! Stopping the car to cuddle/feed just made it worse when you then had to put them back in the car seat to continue the journey.

Personally I reduced the visits to every 2 months or so rather than 1-2 weeks, and sang silly songs at the top of my voice so the baby would know they hadn't been abandoned while I drove as fast as I can without stopping except to check nappy etc.

It was better if I made the car as cold as possible - so me with a jumper on due to the aircon while DD was still in a t-shirt.

It also helped when I switched to an extended rear facing seat - more upright and higher so she could see out.

Journeys are still difficult but she will at least sleep through part of them now - when she wouldn't before - would just scream :(

mamij · 05/08/2013 11:20

Both my DDs used to do this as babies. We turned off the airbags and put their car seat on the passenger seat. Now they are both at the back.

Deliaskis · 05/08/2013 11:21

I feel for you, we went through this phase with DD. YANBU if you have to get somewhere sometimes they have to cry in the carseat.

However, I do think a 3 hour drive (6 hour round trip) every 3 weeks is quite a lot. Of course keeping contact with your family is really important, but could they not come and see you some of the time, even if on the train etc? If you dropped it to every 4 weeks but alternated then you would only have this ordeal every 8 weeks.

Also, although DC is only little, it might help to get an in car DVD player. Even if you don't put it on for ages, even just a little time might distract DC. Also snacks and singing etc. all help usually.

thebody · 05/08/2013 11:27

time naps, music, get them to visit you.

if it affects you that much don't drive. it's not worth an accident.

it will get better.

maja00 · 05/08/2013 11:29

Could you drive up in the evening, stay overnight, and drive back the following evening?

Or keep her awake all morning, lunch/milk, then into the car so she'll sleep?

Switching to a 0+/1 seat so she's a bit more upright and higher up (though obviously still rear facing) might help if she isn't keen on the infant seat.

HollyBerryBush · 05/08/2013 11:30

I wouldnt be able to concentrate with a crying baby in the car.

jacks365 · 05/08/2013 11:33

My dn was like this so my dsis drove up and back at bedtime so he'd sleep could that be an option.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 05/08/2013 11:41

We had this on ds after 2 children who loved the car he roared within minutes of getting in. We tried a few things, frequent drinks of water, short infrequent journeys I think 3 hours every 3 weeks sounds like torture, an in car DVD player and finally it sorted out when he moved to forward facing at 15 months even though he still fit in rear facing we could not take it anymore. I actually think it was travel sickness because he threw up sometimes too.

hels71 · 05/08/2013 11:41

The only thing that calmed my DD in the car was music...Stevie Wonder....2 mins in and she would sleep....otherwise she could stay awake and yell forever. Find some music that works!! It did improve as she got older though and once she was in a front facing car seat she was fine mostly.

Rooners · 05/08/2013 11:46

She might have wind - you know when you get a stomach ache or indigestion and lying on your back is just so so uncomfy, but imagine you can't actually move from that position - I think that's what it is with my baby anyway.

Thankfully we've only had to do shortish trips, so far and he is now 7mo and much much happier in the seat. But I just did what you do, and pulled over when he was crying, as soon as it was safe to do so. Just picked him up, jiggled him for a few minutes, sometimes he had a feed.

It drives you mad but anything is better than hearing them so miserable for so long - I think it's bad to ignore them, unless of course it's a desperate emergency/only for five minutes now and again/etc. It gives them the wrong message.

Stick with your instincts. It might well improve soon but you'd be fine to say, imo, to your family that you just can't do these trips with her for the time being.

Can they not come to you? Most reasonable people don't expect a small baby to put up with a 3 hour journey every few weeks.

KrazyKurls · 05/08/2013 11:48

DD was like this (family live similar distance away) she was much better after going forward facing but this wasn't till about 18 months, sorry not helpful I know.

PicnicPie · 05/08/2013 11:53

This post could have been written by me. My DD is exactly the same although I think sometimes, but not all the time it is related to trapped wind which she suffers with badly. So literally travelling for 20 minutes can be a headache if she has a burp stuck. Even if I've burped her for 20 minutes and she's content and happily playing as soon as she's strapped in her seat she wriggles like mad. Her screaming gets so bad I have to pull over. It's a nightmare. I have resigned myself to limiting car journeys and having people visit me. It's horrible because I envisaged spending my mat leave going lots of places with DD but now I can't be arsed. It's too stressful.

My friend has invited me over next week. She's an hours drive away. I'm dreading it and will probably cancel

I tried DD out in her cousins next stage (upright) car seat and she seems to prefer that. But I can't get one of those until she's 9kg.

I really feel for you.

MrsHoarder · 05/08/2013 11:56

Try different times of day. We have a similar distance to visit family and try to set off at 5am. DS would only briefly wake and then sleep until we got there. Whoever we were visiting would then give us all breakfast as we had only had a cup of tea and cereal bar before setting off.

Additionally when we got DS a bigger RF seat he was much happier as could see over the back of the seat and watch the world go back.

Original poster

inneedofsomehelpplz · 05/08/2013 12:00

thanks guys - going to try leaving at bedtime :-)

OP posts:

Beastofburden · 05/08/2013 12:03

can you get the train?

DS1 yelled when he was tiny in the car, he hated being strapped in. Only stopped once he was old enough to DO something. DD was an epic puker. DS2 also cried a lot. We had some fun times.... the train was the answer for us.

FrigginRexManningDay · 05/08/2013 12:06

Try putting a mirror facing your dd,she will think its another baby.

Wishwehadgoneabroad · 05/08/2013 12:09

Turn off the front airbags and put her in the front with you.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 05/08/2013 12:11

DS was like this until we swapped his car seat for a ff one at just over a year. Youve got a while to go yet, sorry that doesn't help but I can sympathise.

Osmiornica · 05/08/2013 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

attheendoftheday · 05/08/2013 17:17

I would visit your family less! It will get better in time, then you can go more often.

Does your dc sleep ok? Could you travel 7-10pm if she sleeps then?

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 05/08/2013 17:19

A 6 hour round trip every three weeks sounds a lot to me. Can they not come to you?

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