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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with neighbour parking on my driveway

58 replies

Getorfmyland · 04/08/2013 22:50

I have NCed for this, as if my neighbour reads this she'll know exactly who I am.

I have a house on a narrow street with limited parking. My house is one of a few that has its own driveway. The rest of the home owners have to park on the street.

I live with my DP but we go to stay at my own house most weekends. When I moved in with DP, I told one of my neighbours that she would be welcome to park her car in my driveway during the week, but that I would be needing it at weekends. (I was trying to be kind. I now know I'm a mug)

On several occasions, I have returned to my house on a Friday evening to find her car in my drive. Each time, I have to go and ask her to move it. Each time, she has run out of the house, moved the car, and run back into her house without saying a word to me. No apology, no thank you, nothing. On one occasion I was sitting right there watching her move the car, and she didn't even look up to acknowledge I was there.

On other occasions, I have returned home to find her car in my drive, and I've just parked on the street to avoid confrontation. I have always assumed she would see my car, and come and move her car and apologise. She never has.

This weekend, I go stay at my house on Friday. On Saturday evening, we went out for dinner. When I returned home HER FUCKING CAR WAS IN MY DRIVEWAY. I immediately drove up to her front door and repeatedly beeped my horn. She ran out, moved the car, and didn't even acknowledge me!!!

Now, I know I'm not being unreasonable - it's my friggin land that she is parking on and she's taking the piss - but I'm a wimp and don't like confrontation, and I just want to keep the peace with my neighbours, so I really don't want to have a go at her about it. I'm considering a chain across my drive, but I genuinely don't mind other neighbours parking there in the week, as space is limited. So help me grow some balls MNers - what would you do?

OP posts:
pictish · 04/08/2013 22:52

Put a chain across.
I'd feel as you do, and think it was a cool thing to do to let someone use the space while I wasn't - but as you can see, people get comfy quickly.
Put a chain across and it removes the problem entirely.

TeamEdward · 04/08/2013 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubyGoat · 04/08/2013 22:54

Rescind the invitation. She has shot herself in the foot, totally, by taking liberties & with her bad manners. If she continues to park on your drive, install a chain or a gate.

I thought this might be the lady who had been invaded by BOB when I saw the title...Grin

gordyslovesheep · 04/08/2013 22:54

yes block it and ask her not to use it - explain that you feel she is taking liberties

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 04/08/2013 22:55

YANBU, but I think you need to be very clear - write her a note saying sorry, you thought it might work out to let her park on your drive during the week, but you need it during the week ends and since it's obviously too much of a pain for her to remember which is which, you'd rather she parked in the road from now on, thanks.

Btw, your name makes me think of GetOrf the actual poster, which is confusing! Grin

YellowDinosaur · 04/08/2013 22:55

I'd go round and see her and say that you have tried to help her out by letting her park on your driveway during the week as you know space is limited but its starting to annoy you that she's treating it as her own driveway and continuing to park there at times when she knows you need it. That if this doesn't stop you'll put a chain across it so that she can't park there anytime.

SwedishHouseMat · 04/08/2013 22:55

Get a chain. Stops people taking the piss.

HollyBerryBush · 04/08/2013 22:58

We all swap drives etc in the spirit of good neighbourliness (ie if someone is on holiday, we all park up to make the house look lived in) and we double check with each other if visitors are due whether we can use spare drives. Next door knows they can use mine but must be gone by 4.

Your house is empty a large part of the week - so her parking up is doing you a favour in a roundabout way. It would be simpler to tell her to be gone by 4pm on a Friday (or whatever time suits you).

I do find it odd she's not even exchanging pleasantries with you though.

If it's a massive issue then chain the garden, but she will only unclip it and use the drive.

spg1983 · 04/08/2013 22:59

Firstly I think if you've told her you're only needing the drive at weekends then the Friday business is a grey area - your neighbour is obviously regarding the Friday as a weekday, so assuming you won't be there whereas you are counting it as part of the weekend, so maybe you need to clarify that to her, i.e. I will need my driveway from 4pm on Fridays to end of Sunday night.

However the Saturday was totally out of order. You've made your point with the beeping of the horn so hopefully she's got the message about Saturdays. If you sort out the Friday issue and warn her about saturdays, and she is still being cheeky though, I would get a chain. It's not worth the hassle.

You did make me laugh with the trying to keep the peace yet you beeped your horn repeatedly - your other neighbours must have wondered what on earth was happening!!

MrsCosmopilite · 04/08/2013 22:59

I think you need to let her know that she can no longer use the driveway - LRDY has it laid out fairly straightforwardly.

Having said that, my neighbour has a parking space which in the past we've been told we can park on. We never abused this, and always checked if she was having visitors, so that they could park there. However, a few months ago she told us that we could no longer use the space.

She doesn't drive, and has visitors maybe once a week, if that.

Generally it's not a problem, but when we've done a big shop, or if it's late at night and DD's really tired, it'd be so useful to be able to pop the car on there. However, it's her space and her prerogative.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 04/08/2013 23:02

Yanbu to be cross, but you were bu beeping your horn repeatedly imo.

Original poster
Getorfmyland · 04/08/2013 23:02

Sorry, wasn't aware my new name was similar to someone else's! Was just the first thing I thought of when hastily NCing!

Beeping horn might sound confrontational but after being out for a few hours and returning home to find her car there, I was FURIOUS!

Not sure how to approach her without sounding confrontational, feel like getting a chain is a cop out, but since she clearly can't comprehend "don't park there on a weekend", then not sure what else to do!

Just needed to let off steam really! GGRRRRRR!

OP posts:
LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 04/08/2013 23:03

Oh, it's a totally appropriate name! I just posted what I was thinking TBH.

You are going to sound confrontational, but she already knows she's been cheeky. So you need to do it, IMO.

chesterberry · 04/08/2013 23:06

You are definitely not being unreasonable and it seems odd she isn't even acknowledging you when she moves the car - does she acknowledge you at other times when you see each other?

Have you talked to her about it? Maybe she genuinely thinks that the 'knock on the door when the car needs to be moved out of the drive' arrangement works for you? She might be completely oblivious to how infuriating this is for you or that your horn-beeping is angry and be, wrongly, assuming that if you're not using the drive you can't possibly mind her using it.

If you want to try and solve the situation but still enable her to use the space Monday-Friday maybe you could go round to see her and explain that you have found her car on the drive several times when you needed to use it and that having to beep and wait for her to move it etc is not working for you and you want to return home to an empty driveway. I would re-explain that whilst you are very happy for her to park in your drive Monday morning - Friday afternoon you need her to refrain from parking in their on Friday evenings, all day Saturday and all day on Sundays.

If even after you have nicely explained this (for I presume the second time) and clearly given her the time-frames in which she can/can't use the drive she keeps on using it outside of those specified times then I would assume she just isn't able to stick to the agreement and maybe getting a chain would be a good idea.

Original poster
Getorfmyland · 04/08/2013 23:08

Oh she absolutely knows that I need it on a Friday evening. I come home every Friday for a social thing that she knows about, and I've told her that. Not a grey area at all.

Occasionally I miss a Friday evening due to other commitments. This has obviously given her the impression that she can second guess my movements and decide whether or not I'll be home that weekend.

I have another neighbour and friend who has 3 cars, so I have told her she is welcome to treat my drive as her own, and just clear out by Friday evening. She was doing this until recently, when she says she often can't use my drive because the other neighbour gets in there before her!

As for the other neighbours wondering what the beeping was about - they all know full well what the situation is, and if she has to explain it to them then that's her problem.

OP posts:
spg1983 · 04/08/2013 23:08

But a Friday is not the weekend!!! I really think that is most of the problem. The Saturday was cheeky. But your neighbour is probably just as annoyed with you saying that weekdays are fine yet getting grumpy with her when she uses it in a weekday...

ChasedByBees · 04/08/2013 23:08

She doesn't even acknowledge you! That would make me rescind the invite alone. Don't worry about being confrontational, you can be firm and friendly without being confrontational.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 04/08/2013 23:08

I think a PP had it right about the Friday/weekend thing. I too would consider Friday to be a "week day" not part of the weekend.

so you telling me you needed it at weekends I would assume to mean Sat/Sun only, not Friday. So yes a face to face chat or a note saying you will need the drive from say 5pm Friday till 8pm Sunday/8 am Monday (or whatever the times are that suit you obv) as a reminder to her would be a good first place to start. If she then still over steps the mark, withdraw the offer completely.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 04/08/2013 23:10

Oops xposted with your latest update OP so kind of irrelevant now!

timidviper · 04/08/2013 23:10

Why not send her a note saying "Dear Neighbour, There seems to have been some confusion recently about the times at which I am happy to allow you to use my drive. I am happy to allow this from ... to ... but would like the drive to remain clear for my use from ... to ... If there is any further confusion I will have to withdraw my offer and fit a chain across the drive."

I do find it quite offensive that she does not interact with you or apologise though

spg1983 · 04/08/2013 23:11

X-posts, if the neighbour has explicitly been told about Fridays then YANBU. If you haven't specifically named Friday as a day she cannot use it then YABU regardless of what she knows about your weekly routine and is able to deduce from that.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 04/08/2013 23:14
WafflyVersatile · 04/08/2013 23:17

It doesn't have to be confrontational. Just tell her that although parking there in the week is fine for you the weekend starts at 4pm on Friday so make sure it is moved BEFORE then.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 04/08/2013 23:20

timidviper has it in a nut shell. This is the way to deal with it. Best of luck!

Original poster
Getorfmyland · 04/08/2013 23:22

Thing is, if she was friendly and apologised / thanked me / acknowledged me in any way, I would be more forgiving.

Someone asked whether she is friendly when she sees me in the street - no, she isn't really. She doesn't deserve my generosity in allowing her to park there at all.

So no, I'm not happy for her to continue parking there in the week, but I know that's a bit uncharitable of me....

OP posts: