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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

by wanting to go to work??

28 replies

sunshineblue1 · 04/08/2013 15:00

I love my kids very much, one is 2 and the other is 6 months and I have started working again and in the last two months, it has been wonderful....I have always loved my job, but going back after 6 months feels like I am on holiday.

I love my kids and the time we spend, but come Sunday I am counting down the seconds and minutes before I am back at work. Come Friday, I am sad the week has ended.

Are there any mothers here who actually prefer their working life??

I cant help feeling guilty about it, but in truth when I am home with the children I get upset as my mind is always at work. I have worked all my life and cannot really see me being content if I am not in the office.

Am I being selfish?

To add: My mother was a working mother who loved her job and would work night shifts (something I don't have to do), and still she was a great mother and I love her dearly.

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 04/08/2013 15:04

Does your husband or partner work? If so, do you think they are selfish?

The early years can be grim, some flk find tinies a real slog.

Do whatever works for you and your family.

FamiliesShareGerms · 04/08/2013 15:04

I sometimes find work easier than being with my DC

NapaCab · 04/08/2013 15:06

YANBU. Not everyone is cut out for the SAHM life, which is why it annoys me when people get judgey about what other parents do. Not everyone is cut out for the WOH parent life either!

Having 2 under 2 is a lot of work as well. Being a SAHM can be isolating and depressing, especially with very young, preverbal children. It doesn't suit everyone.

I often think with DS (2), a professional nanny would do a better job than me anyway. I am not very patient with him and get bored easily. I am a SAHM but not by choice. We live in a country where I don't have a visa to work (yet - once I get one, I'll be outta here like a bat out of hell Grin).

Well done for finding a career that you enjoy!

Original poster
sunshineblue1 · 04/08/2013 15:15

We both work but my husband doesn't like his job as much so stays home two days a week with the DC.

I work full time from 8 till 5, come home and make dinner and do all the family things.

I liked mat leave more second time round, but I cant say I enjoyed it as much as being in the office. I love working and would be very unhappy as a SAHM

OP posts:
GoldiChops · 04/08/2013 15:28

Being with little children all day is very hard work, and not everyone should have to enjoy every second of it- not even if they are your own kids! I'm a nanny to 3 under 6s, I thoroughly enjoy my job and can't see myself doing anything else. Their parents love them completely and both work to support them. I just do the day to day care, meeting their needs and doing school runs and stuff. I happen to love doing it all, not everyone does!

without working parents us nannies would all be out of work, and lots of workplaces would lose competent staff who enjoy their work and are trained for it. I couldn't work in an office, or wherever people usually work.

I think that as long as parents chose the best care for their children- be it a nanny, childminder, family, au pair, nursery, after school club, whatever- they are parenting as well as a SAHP. I've seen parents who get resentful of being at home when they are used to a work environment, and I've seen those who resent having to leave their children to go to work but need to for financial reasons. And they are equally good parents, as long as the children are cared for and loved and supported they grow up the same!

GoldiChops · 04/08/2013 15:30

Oh and trust me, children always know who their parents are and who is the caregiver. I've yet to see a child in mum's care, falling over and crying for me! During the day, if any of them fall or whatever they cry for their parents not me. they know who comes for them in the night!

Beastofburden · 04/08/2013 15:48

Not unreasonable at all. I used to love being at work because when I said,"could you do x" they would say "yes". Not "why should I , she hit me, you love him more than me, I want a wee, IT'S NOT FAIR".

Ahem.

It's all about balance.. As the kids get older they may be more on your wavelength and you may genuinely enjoy their company more. If you were a man, nobody would be at all surprised by this.

Rowgtfc72 · 04/08/2013 17:39

I worked part time from dd being six months old to six and a half years old. I came out of work in March as dhs hours changed and we couldnt get early morning childcare. I love dd to bits but am desperate to find a job that fits in with school and dhs work. I need that side of my life. I need to know Im not just someones wife/mother but a person in my own right. I need a break from dds incessant talking. Each to their own though.

CailinDana · 04/08/2013 17:57

Yanbu at all. I am a sahm and though i enjoy it i find it hard too. I work very part time but in sept i'm upping my hours so i'll be working one day a week (rather than fitting it in whenever as i am at the moment). I can't wait.

Just be careful that you don't miss your dc's younger years by looking ahead too much. There is a very short time limit on their childhood. You are very lucky to have a job you love, just don't let it take those years away from you.

Glittertwins · 04/08/2013 18:35

I find work easier than being at home all the time with them although now they are at school it is easier. I simply am not cut out to be 100% Sahm and they have always enjoyed nursery 3 days a week. They are at holiday club for part of these holidays and they have already told me not to pick them up early.

CaptainSweatPants · 04/08/2013 18:37

What job do you do op?

AmandaCooper · 04/08/2013 20:25

DS is five months and I'm currently working two days a week; increasing to three from September when DS will have a nanny. I love my job, it's so interesting and stimulating. I know what you mean about work feeling like you're on holiday. It's pretty much the only off duty time I get.

tethersend · 04/08/2013 20:29

YANBU. I have a four year old and a one year old and I'm like a dog out of a trap every Monday Grin

BlackholesAndRevelations · 04/08/2013 20:34

YANBU at all but..... Maybe a tiny bit for not enjoying the weekends with them completely, and dying to go back to work. That is a little sad in my opinion.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 04/08/2013 20:35

Ps I work part time and don't think I'm SAHM material either.

jellybeans · 04/08/2013 20:47

YANBU. I am a SAHM but worked f/t until DD2. However I now prefer being SAHM after initial adjustment and it works best with DH's hours. I do study though and when I am in college it is a break! Even my exams are like a break! However everyone is different and you have to do what makes you happy. If you are happy and it works for your family then you shouldn't feel bad whatsoever.

LazyFaire · 04/08/2013 21:10

I am happier while working. I do feel guilty some times, but I am a better mum in the time I do spend with DS, since I have had something else to occupy my mind at times as well. My job is the sort you can leave at the door and not think about, although I enjoy it a lot and often do!

I have never wished I was at work while with DS, since I got a job. I did a lot in the first 14 months when I was not working.

Unfortunately my partner likes to take digs at me about how I hate being at home and don't like to be around DS. Which I do, but not 24/7. Toddlerdom is a relentless and exhausting period and much of it I don't have a lot of patience for. I think and hope that once DS is old enough to read and write, play games for more than 5 minutes at a time, etc, I will be a lot better at motherhood. I will still want to work as it is basically all the sense of self I have left!

omaoma · 04/08/2013 21:24

I fr*gging love work.

I love DC but I do worry that I don't really enjoy or parent well on the few occasions I AM on mum duty. I just don't seem to have the 'fun parent' gene. Actually I think that's part of the reason I don't enjoy it - if I thought I was doing it better, I might. But generally I'm just starkly aware that most other people in DC's life do it better!

MortifiedAdams · 04/08/2013 21:27

Im.not SAHM material either. I am.pg again and hoping I enjoy this Mat Leave more than the last one.

BungleGeorgeAndZippy · 04/08/2013 22:00

I don't think yabu, and I agree that working is like a holiday compared to looking after dc1 (and being heavily pg ATM). But I have to say come Friday, I look forward to spending 2 whole days with my child and do not count down til the start of the work week.

I am in mat leave again and will return back to work again anytime between 9-12 months, and the thought doesn't fill me with fear and dread like it did the first time round, but have to admit for me the ideal would be to work 3-4 days a week, and spend the rest with my children. But each to their own. If you prefer work whose to say you're bing unreasonable.

itchyandscratchy26 · 04/08/2013 22:09

My DTs are 9 weeks and I am already looking forward to a return to work.

ThePinkOcelot · 04/08/2013 22:16

I don't think you are unreasonable to enjoy being at work but find that you prefer being at work and wish away weekends a tad weird tbh.

holidaybug · 04/08/2013 22:18

YANBU - going to work is a breeze compared to childcare! I love DS to bits but I do enjoy going to work - it keeps me sane

SuckAtRelationships · 04/08/2013 22:31

I fecking love being out at work. Public holiday tomorrow :(

Marcheline · 04/08/2013 22:31

Yanbu!

I have enjoyed mat leave much more this time but am still really looking forward to going back to work next month!

Istayed at home for 2 years with DD1 and it was really detrimental to me mentally.

The only thing in scared about is putting DD2 into nursery 3 days / week. She'll only be 7 months and I dint feel particularly comfortable with it, but we can't afford a nanny for her and nursery for DD1.

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