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[emanuela]

we are in a soft play area. my daughter (who is 8 and should really know better) shouted "that baby looks horrid". I looked and the baby must have some genetic abnormality.

I told my dd off but should I go and apologise to the mother? I don't know if she heard.

I am so upset that my daughter is so insensitive. this is despite me trying to teach her about diversity.

I don't think I would say anything but at 8 I would call your daughter over explain why it was rude and then leave.

thanks sirzy. I already told her off and explained how rude that is and that every body is different. we are leaving now, I am very disappointed in her.

If you don't know if the mother heard, then I wouldn't go over. It's enough that your dd was told off.

I would bring it up again later with dd though, when you are in private and can have a more open conversation about it.

Well since you say that your daughter shouted, it's very unlikely that the mother didn't hear. I think you should leave immediately too, but in your place I would see if the mother looks at you as you leave and maybe take that opportunity of apologising and if she doesn't I might leave it, but it's impossible to know what the mother would prefer to happen really.

Impossible to know what the mother would want, and if you've caught her on a bad day she may just give your daughter and/or you, a piece of her mind.

I would just leave, then I'd be having a very stern conversation about good manners with my DC.

we left an d the mother didnt look at us. my daughter shouted but they were a distance away and these places are thankfully noisy.

Thanks a lot, I will again explain to my dd the importance of not judging people.

It's not only the 'judging'. All children will have 'thoughts' about people that are different, it's the handling of those thoughts.

I'm a bit surprised at an 8 year-old shouting those thoughts out to be honest.

She is only 8 and still has a lot to learn about manners and other peoples feelings. Although you did do the right thing to talk to her about it, don't be too hard on her.

Hopefully the mum didn't hear, although she may do 'ignorance is bliss' in the face of a lot of comments.

Thanks a lot for your replies. The strange thing is that I never judge. We have lots of disabilities/special needs and mental health issues in my family so I have grown up surrounded by people who might appear different to others but they were just other playmates to me.

Unfortunately my daughter really lacks empathy, which saddens me.

Ah don't be so hard on yourself or your daughter, she's in school and probably hears other kids shout mean things all the time. I don't know if empathy is learned naturally by children, it's something I always instilled in mine from a young age. My guys do seem to be more emphatic than their friends. We always had a rule when out and about that he they saw someone "different" they didn't stare, point or mention it but that when we were home they could ask me what had happened and I would explain.

I know this comes across as he they and I are real goody goodies, we are not like you guys was something I want aware of due to family.

It could have been a hell of a lot worse. Your daughter shouting that could well have caused loads of other, much younger children to turn to look at the baby she was shouting about and reacted with more comments and reactions to its appearance. That would have been an extremely upsetting scene for the mother. I hope you will be able to get it through to your daughter that shouting such things is unacceptable and why.

I think you did the right thing by leaving and not saying anything. Even the most empathetic of 8 year olds can lose control of themselves and say/do stupid things sometimes. I think their brain filter is still under development and sometimes closes for engineering works!