Telling my nephew "no" after repeatedly demanding things in my house?

[LovelyMeredith]

I have an 8 year old nephew, who has been quite spoiled by his parents. His parents are older parents, because he's the baby of the family he's been quite spoiled. I could list some of his behaviours but we'd be here forever and a day.

One thing that has been happening more frequently is him asking for things in my home, such as toys that belong to my children etc that my children don't want to give away, nor have I offered it to the child. It'll usually be: "Can I have [insert item here]"?" (never followed by please or thank you). When I tell him no due to the fact that it belongs to my DD or DS, he will sulk.

What made me ask for advice on this forum is something that occured this evening. My nephew had felt tired so DD had gotten a blanket for him to keep him warm. She had explained to him that this was a very special blanket since it was what their late Grandmother had given to her (he never got to meet his Grandmother). This later on in the evening was proceeded by: "Nanny said I could have this blanket". Now I know for a fact that there is no chance that DD would ever part with it, and quite rightly she said no, because it was given to her. He then repeatedly kept saying: "Nanny said I could have it" and tried snatching it off her, sulking when she said no. Eventually, DD had to go and hide it when he wasn't looking.

I later explained to him that he couldn't keep asking people for their belongings, since "You wouldn't like it if people kept asking if they could have your XBox or iPad". However, this is never followed up by my nephews parents. It can be very difficult to speak to his parents (well more so his Dad) since I would get told to "mind my own business".

What can I do? He's certainly not a deprived child.

of course YANBU. it would be VU to let him take your children's belongings as he feels like!

It sounds like he's boundary hunting. He must be aware that it's not usual for other children's possessions to be given over on request, so either it's making him feel powerful by challenging for them, even with the silly challenges (nanny said I could have it) or he's looking for the 'no'. Unhappy or angry children can demand the totally unreasonable to get that 'no' and have a valid excuse to let off some of the emotional steam under their cork, in which case this would be about something more than just wanting your children's stuff on the spur of the moment.

As several posts have said, this is developmentally very toddler behaviour so maybe just react as if it was a toddler doing it. Cheerful and blunt no with a refusal to engage, removal of object if he can't leave it alone, ignore fuss and carry on. If he needs to sulk, then he can sulk himself out and come and join in when he's done. Sulking needs a sympathetic audience to have any point.

My youngest.ex sil was like this. There was a 20 year gap between my ex (the oldest) and her. No one ever said no to her until I came along. It used to drive me up the wall. I got called a selfish fucking bitch because I wouldn't let her keep my teddy that is been given by my dgp the day I was born.