To be annoyed by DM telling my DC off when I'm there

[cheerup]

I may be being completely unreasonable in being so annoyed by this and this is the best place I can think of to find out....

DM keeps doing it despite me having asked her not to so maybe its just a normal thing and I'm overreacting? They are only small and are generally good kids so it's not serious bad behaviour or anything dangerous, just little things. For example, table manners or oldest DD mucking about in the front garden when she needs to come into the house or them winding each other up. I'll be saying something like "stop doing that" or "please use your knife and fork" or whatever and she'll start saying it as well but more impatiently. The odd occasion I could live with but its every time when she's around.

Is this normal grandmotherly behaviour? Do I just need to get over it?

YANBU. You're annoyed because she is undermining you. Tell her clearly...say "THANK you Mum...I have it under control and I'll do the telling."

I had to do it to my MIL who was ALWAYS at it. It's not the same as if they are babysitting and have to tell them off...you are in charge when you are parenting. It's not normal no...but she's maybe thinking that she's supporting you or something

It is strange if she joins in when you are already saying something. On the other hand, I personally would find it a bit weird if my mum (or MiL) felt they couldn't tell my dc off just cause I was around - if they witness bad behaviour/manners first I would expect them to say something.

Maybe she feels like she's backing you up?? Or do you think she does it to undermine you??

Clearly I'm a bit on the fence but you don't sound unreasonable, so probably YANBU.

I think it's normal and it's good for them to know they should listen to all adults (they know) when they are told to do something not just mum and dad. I would expect any adult to tell DS or DN off if they needed it unless it was a big thing then i would expect it to be brought to me.

I think it's normal and it's good for them to know they should listen to all adults (they know) when they are told to do something not just mum and dad. I would expect any adult to tell DS or DN off if they needed it unless it was a big thing then i would expect it to be brought to me.

actually if she's saying it over you then she's a bit out of order if she's saying listen to your mum do as she says she'd not... i didn't read properly sorry

Not a normal thing, you're not overreacting, she doesn't like not being The Parent and in control.

My mum did it, in a different way to yours, but you have to pick them up on it every time it happens, even though you know what the consequences are likely to be.

In effect it's saying she's taken the decision (in her mind it's as your parent, so forgetting she has no authority over you any more!) that you need her to back up your authority, and the fact you've already talked to her about it and she's ignoring you means it's not accidental, that it's a deliberate strategy. It's a difficult one because it could be argued (by her to all and sundry )that she's trying to help you, but she's not.

For what reason only you can say, mine was because of power games, she saw the control as a reflection of how great a parent/grandparent she is, and she still does go over the line a little in 'correcting' them.

But DD1 (12) does it when I'm telling DD2 (3) to do something, it's a lot easier to deal with that one though

The only time I would tell someone else's DCs off when the parent was in the room would be if the parent was doing jackshit about the behaviour and it was bad enough to warrant a telling off.

In the circumstances you describe OP, you are already dealing with the behaviour, so I think yanbu.

My mum does it too, but thanks to MN I've come to realise she has boundary issues (thinks nothing of sorting through my paperwork for example, in front of me).

She doesn't like the fact that she isn't in control of me and mine. It annoys me because then I feel that the DCs are being over-told off if they have multiple adults commenting on their behaviour at the same time IYSWIM.

My Grandmother would do this when we were there with my parents and I hated it! It was unecessary. I do resent her and I don't take my DC to see her anymore cos she does it to me! I go alone when I visit. YANBU.