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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say LET HER SPEAK FFS!!

45 replies

AlpenIsTedious · 03/08/2013 21:18

DD 20 months and all going fine with speaking. Not thanks to various family and friends and, to some extent, DP

Conversation goes like this

Family: "so what are you eating there?"
DD:
Family: "what is it, what is it you're eating, tell me"
DD:
Family: Tell us, T...T...T...toast! It's toast isn't it? Toast!!

She bloody knows it's toast! She was about to tell you.

I just wish they'd stop and give her half a minute to answer. No one, NO ONE, seems to get this. Want her to feel confident learning to talk and not hurried along. It's not a massive deal I know but just pisses me off!

Worse is "what is that? It's a cat! What is that? It's a monkey!" Why ask if you're going to answer for her! FFS!

(Yes is my PFB, although soon not to be)

OP posts:

hesterton · 04/08/2013 07:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isabeller · 04/08/2013 07:40

Folkgirl are you sure that it was you a three year old who was the cause of your brother needing speech therapy?

OP YADNBU

youarewinning · 04/08/2013 07:44

YANBU. My DS still babbled at this age but people still let him answer.

MarianneEnjolras · 04/08/2013 07:44

FolkGirl my brother also ended up in speech therapy thanks to my sister and I (we were 3 and 4 years older than him) never letting him get a word in edgeways. He was late to talk compared to us and then developed a stammer. I remember being told we had to let him finish his sentences.

Amiee · 04/08/2013 07:51

I also work as a speech and language therapist and one of the techiniques we give to parents is after you've asked a question count to 3 'pineapples' in your head before answering it or changing it. But generally i would not encorage questions like 'what are you eating?' anyway. It's a bit of a test question. she knows it toast, you know its toast. Your kids probably thinking 'what's wrong with these people can't they see is bloody toast,it right here!'.
I'd lead by example by commenting lots instead. It provides a better language model and takes the pressure off.
And yes talking for them can hold some kids back, imagine if you were learning to roller skate and every time you worked your self up to have a go someone ripped of your skates and started zooming about in front of you, you'd soon learn not to bother and lose interest. Okay strange example but you get the point.

SunnyIntervals · 04/08/2013 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emilythornesbff · 04/08/2013 08:08

I can see why it's annoying. You just want her to be able to have the space to speak, wuite rightly. It seems to be such a common thing that it's not really going to do any harm though. Ppl are just trying to find a way to interact with your child. Really it's the constant questioning that's the problem. In a way with a very young child it makes more sense to name things than to just ask what they are, expecting the child to perform all the time. "look, it's a monkey" "mmmmm toast" then they learn without the pressure to perform. I think we all probably do it without realising.

What's x?, what's y? Etc. adinfinitum. It gets so tedious for them. So much pressure on all of us to be seen to do the right thing.

superbagpuss · 04/08/2013 08:18

we have this issue with DT, one is more advanced with speech and will always answer or translate for the other one
even when we ask a direct question to DT 1 and DT 2 will answer trying to be helpful

speech therapy and lots of 1 2 1 time have been the answer, and talking to relatives about the issue

Dackyduddles · 04/08/2013 08:19

Just dropping in that there are many causes of speech delay. This is one of a million obstacles potentially so won't definitely result in issues.

OHforDUCKScake · 04/08/2013 08:34

PFB although soon not to be? Isnt PFB always PFB?

DTisMYdoctor · 04/08/2013 08:43

Folkgirl, are you me? I'm three years older than my brother and I contributed to his need for speech therapy as a child.

DH doesn't always give DS (age 5) time to formulate a reply and it drives me bonkers! DS can take forever to tell you something, but because of the issue with my brother I'm really particular about giving him the time to speak.

diddl · 04/08/2013 08:52

How often is she with people who do this?

If it's not the majority of the time, is it likely to be affecting her speech?

Have you said anything to them?

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 04/08/2013 09:05

Seriously they sound like they are just trying to interact Roth your child. If you see them every day then yes say something along the lines of "please can you give her a chance to answer" if you don't see them that often then just bite your tongue they dont mean any harm. It's very hard when you don't see them regularly to know exactly where to start in talking up them and they have to find that point if that makes any sense. If the last time they saw her dr was younger and just saying the odd word then they may not realise that she can actually answer a question now. They change so quickly .

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 04/08/2013 09:06

Dr? Dd

TroublesomeEx · 04/08/2013 09:23

Just to answer Isabeller:

My understanding was that my brother was pretty much non verbal until he started school. That would have meant that I was doing the answering for him until I was around 7.

He was referred for speech therapy and my mother told me afterwards that the therapist told her it was because I spoke for him as a younger child so he never needed to. I was an early talker and never stopped.

However, as I'm typing this I am remembering that I've posted on several threads lately where I've talked about my mother not loving me and being resentful of me since I was pretty much born really.

So it is occurring to me that it might not actually have had anything to do with me at all, and it might just have been that she wanted to make sure nobody blamed her and so I became the scapegoat - as I was for so many things...

Just ignore me, it would appear that I may have spent the last 30+ years believing another pile of bollocks!!

diddl · 04/08/2013 09:35

Folk-you were a child-how could it be your fault?

Were you with your brother "24/7" & totally responsible for him??!!

hazeyjane · 04/08/2013 09:40

I can't imagine a SALT saying that a non verbal child was non verbal because their sibling 'spoke for them'. You would have been at school for a good part of the day and children grow up in busy, noisy environments with lots of siblings and family members, without any delay at all.

zzzzz · 04/08/2013 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RappyNash · 04/08/2013 11:54

My DH does this in his mother tongue. I'm the native English speaker and do lots of commenting, only asking questions I know he can answer etc.

Guess which language DS speaks well and which one he struggles with :(. DH just can't seem to adapt his communication style.

stopgap · 04/08/2013 12:17

People do this with my son, too. He is two, and his words are finally becoming more than just the first syllable. He knows colours, he can put two words together, count to ten etc. but he's shy and can sometimes be goofy when prompted too much.

What's my name? ask various relatives (whom he knows just fine).
Peesh-pa, my son might say, followed by uproarious laughter.

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