To make dd1 keep going to kid's fit and fun?

[D0oinMeCleanin]

She didn't get fit (she sweated) and it wasn't fun (she was laughing) and to add insult to injury someone she doesn't know talked to her [oh, the horror, the horror] She cannot go back because they might want to make friends with her and she doesn't want any new friends (she is very shy and worried she might have to make conversation)

Background: She's been bullied on and off in school for the last two years and has no confidence left. She hates doing anything without dd2 there. Dd2 is louder, more confident and has been known to brandish 'beatin' sticks' at people who bully her big sister. Dd2 makes all the effort to make friends, dd1 just clings on to her. Dd2 is not old enough to for kid's fit and fun.

How old is she?

Why / how did she end up going to the first sesson of fit and fun? Did she want to do it?

Oh poor thing! How long does this go on for? Is it a course for a week or is it once a week for ages?

She is 10. It's on immediately prior to the bootcamp I go to, he runs a kids fit club over the summer, the kids do their bit and tire themselves out and then get sent upstairs to the waiting area with their Kindles/ipads etc while the parents do the bootcamp.

No, she did not want to go to the first one, but I told her to go along and not join in if she didn't feel like it. She is too shy to say no once she is there.

She was smiling and laughing while playing the games.

It's only on over the summer holidays and she's already missed the first week due to being away and will be missing two more weeks due to holidays so will only be doing a few sessions. I know the parents of the girls doing it and they would not tolerate their children bullying or excluding anyone.

Oh and dd2 was there because I have no babysitter but according to dd1, she just sat and watched the end of the film she'd been watching while fit and fun was on when she went upstairs with them and didn't join in i.e answer on behalf of dd1, when people talked to dd1.

It sounds great actually! What a good idea! Yes, I probably would encourage her to do it as it is only for a couple of sessions more.

How long does the class you do afterwards last? Is she bored waiting for you?

An hour, she has her kindle, tethered to my phone, so has data as well as Netflix, her own music etc. She's not bored, she's worried the other girls there will talk to her and she'll have to talk back. She's also concerned they might start bullying her if she says, wears or does something 'wrong'. These children aren't like that and dd2 would intervene if anyone was deliberately upsetting dd1, even if she was watching a movie.

Remind her how much she enjoyed the activities

I think it's good for her to keep going. Sounds like dd2 wouldn't tolerate any crappy girl stuff even if she does back off during the session

Tell her she has too, so you can go to Boot camp after, and that it takes longer than one day to get fit, that you will continue Boot camp and get fit too.
My Dd could do with a class like that, she is struggling with weight, she does kids Hip hop class (all thats left near us) it's more like Kids Zumba, she comes out after an hour dripping sweat and loves it while she's there, but every week she says she doesn't want to go. My answer, but I already paid for the month! So she sighs and slopes off to the car, then lights up when she sees all her dance friends at class.

I'd encouragie her to go back, but I'd also tryi to get her iinvolvied with siome other groups away from school - small, friendly groups with an ethos of encouraging community and acceptance. Miy sister was iinvolved with a community drama group that fitted the bill, some people find guides / scouts good, sunday school if that's your cup of tea? Also, try to find a group that shie'd enjoy, tailored to her interests (music? reading? art? anything she enjoys?) - so that shie'll have something in common with the others and something to chat about?

Bribe her unashamedly. Go for the sessions get a Barbie or toy she would like or trip to cinema.

It seems as safe an environment for her to be pushed in the deep end so to speak as your going to get. Try it. See what happens. If too much upset stop. Gotta try. You will know if you really need to stop or not.

Would she role play? Practice a conversation she could have so she can think of a topic to talk about?

Role play is an excellent idea. I thought it would be a safe environment for her to start making friends in. I know the instructor, as does dd1. I know the parents of the other girls and if it does go horribly wrong I am only downstairs.

RainbowBrite, I've suggested loads of clubs to her but she will only go if her cousin or sister will come with her, which kind of defeats my purpose. I just need her to realise that not all girls are like the girl at school and not all nice girls are too scared of girls like the one at school to stand up to them.

She tried so hard not to be bullied, bless her, but every time she changed one thing the bully picked on, she just found another, as I predicted she would. Her coat was old and scruffy (it was not), she only had one uniform so she must be poor (she had lots of the same thing because she is so pernickity with clothes, her hair was wrong, she never wore ponytails, she must be too scruffy, her shoes were baby shoes etc.) I tried to explain to dd1 that this girl was jealous of her and there was nothing wrong with her shoes, coat or hair but dd1 just took it all so personally

I was at the school almost daily over it, in the end it stopped when this girl made the mistake of telling dd1 that she was smelly and started pushing her when dd2 was just a few people behind in the dinner line, she went to see dd1 because she was crying and 'accidentally' stamped on this girl's foot. The girl went crying to the teachers and dd2 denied all knowledge. Dd2's friends all told the teacher how nasty this girl had been to dd1.

I am falling in love with your dd2! And actually have tears in my eyes reading all that your Dd1 has been through. Being bullied is the worst thing for the confidence of young girls and I have one myself who has had trouble with a jealous girl at her dance school.

With regards to the class, it sounds as though it will do her good. I would encourage her to keep it up.

What an absolute hero your DD2 is to DD1, what a credit to you they are.

I hope dd1 can continue and build confidence, what a shame that some nasty bitches have made her feel this way.

Both your girls sound wonderful. It's lovely that they've got a supportive relationship with each other.

If she's 10 then you could see if a local Brownie pack will take both DD2 and DD1. Normally they move on to guides at 10, but sometimes the girls aren't quite ready and it can be delayed a little (depends on the waiting list a bit). It could be that after a term Dd1 has made one or two friends that she'd be happy to move onto guides with.

I'd see if Brown Owl could put them in different sixes, with DD1 being with some older nice girls, so DD2 could be in the same hall for moral support, but DD1 could do some separate activities with her six.

Brownies is a good idea. I'd never thought of that.

They have a great relationship. I am really proud of how close they are and how protective they are with each other. I get a bit worried about dd2's penchant for violence but she is fixated on people being kind to one another I try not to worry too much. She knows to never, ever hit first.

Sadly they're not adverse to attempting to kick the crap out of each other from time to time like all siblings do [sigh] but they normally make up pretty quickly.

Awww bless she sounds like a lovely sensitive girl. I hope she starts to come out of herself and get her confidence back. Can her sister come to the fit class with her for a while?