To think you get more grumpy/jaded as you get older?

[ThatsNotMyPinot]

Been a pondering whilst hanging out the washing, as over the last few weeks I have been very close to writing numerous AIBU posts, about all manner of crap, and it has gotten me thinking:

Is it normal to get grumpier and/or feel a bit more jaded with life/people as you get older?

I'm only 29, but over the last few years things seem to piss me off more, and I've had more major and minor falling outs with friends and family than I ever did when I was younger, or at school. I was/am a pretty happy-go-lucky person, who thinks the glass is half full, but quite worried that this outlook is diminishing! I'm not sure if I just take less crap from people, or whether I piss other people off, or others are grumpy/busy etc.

I'm not depressed in the slightest, and have a lovely life and good health (touch wood), with a great DP, 2 fab DCs, lovely home, comfortably off money-wise, hobbies, and I think i'm pretty fun and cheery (to the outside world!) BUT i'm worried i'm not brushing off things as easily as I should. I wonder if this is because i'm a SAHM at the moment, so whilst I see lots of people at playgroups, friends houses etc, and i'm busy when I am home, I have a lot of time in my own head IYSWIM?

Or, alternatively, do more arseholes pop up the older you get? AIBU? Or am I budding Victor Meldrew?!

I guess i'm desperate not to turn into my mum, who at 63, is often bitter, pessimistic and thinks everyone is out to get her (she is lovely most of the time, but very 'woe is me')!

I do count my blessings every day, by the way, there are people far worse of than me, so not moaning about my life, just moaning about others/my outlook!

If you're worried about this at 29...

I think you're probably not learning if you don't get a little jaded through life. I am certainly much wiser now than I was in my 20s and much better able at spotting patterns of behaviour in people. It never surprises me when people behave badly anymore, even people who have a reputation for being decent and upstanding.

However, in RL most people who know me would probably say that I'm one of the most positive people you'd ever meet. For all that people can be a bit shit a lot of the time, most people remain decent and even bad people can be capable of random acts of kindness and great feats of heroism. It's all just a matter of perspective.

Yes and no. And I find myself also thinking of more AIBU posts as I get older, that said I am two decades older than you .

I do believe there is more disillusionment and cynicsm as one gets older. Or perhaps more sense of "truth"?

The issue I think is if you don't ally yourself to your own personal truth (however socially and personally inconvenient), you end up like Victor Mildrew. Most of us live repressed lives...

In other words, I think you have to free yourself from social conventions (though perhaps also suffer the consequences, both joyful and not-so-joyful).

Ah Dahlen you seem wise! Maybe something you said rings true, that i'm just starting to spot behaviour patterns in people that are undesirable, and i'm realising just how much some people annoy me, or how selfish/PITAs they can be.

I do think as you get older you're not as prepared to put up with any arsiness from other people, become more assertive and stand up for yourself more, that's certainly how I feel at any rate.

Where once I would accommodate people even if it didn't suit now I say 'no, that isn't going to be any good for me'.

I'm 45 and a happy optimistic person, reading the AIBU's I do think there are some daft grumps about but I tend to laugh as long as it isn't a serious sad issue.

I have found myself to be more content now that I'm back at work out of the house, that might be a point for you to think about.

ARealDame - I've freed myself from 2 of DPs female family members as I was fed up of their bitchy, toxic bullshit, so whilst I feel better being true to myself and not getting involved, it has made things harder (re family occasions, everyone has to put on a forced smile, and also feel bad for DP, even though he knows why I wanted to withdraw from them). So in this situation, i'm not actually sure if i'm happier or not IYSWIM?

SanDiego - As soon as DD is at pre-school, I am hot-footing it back to work, pronto!

I am a 33 year old male and I fear middle age. Male pattern baldness and the paunch I can handle, but do I have to become a bitter, cynical arshole or a lecherous bastard?

I hope not. But there aren't many positive role models out there. Middle aged men don't as a species do themselves many favours.

Great that you've freed yourself. What about if you free yourself some more? I actually think sometimes people respond to that (even the "bitchy" ones). Of course there are no "happy endings" in life, as your "IYSWIM" attests. But at least you get to be yourself and you may attract more non-Victor-Mildrew energy.

Yes I am grumpier and less tolerant, as i get older. I don't seem to "need" people as much as I used to and can't be bothered with people unless they are old and good friends. Basically I can't be bothered to make much effort any more, whereas years ago, I would have made allowances or enjoyed meeting new people.

I have found as a SAHM that you definitely sweat the small stuff more, small downside though, not enough to make me want to go back to work

I'm 25 and a miserable bastard. I used to be really nice but these days whenever I open my mouth it is to bitch or moan. Hopefully it'll go away once I've gave birth - I'm hoping it's pregnancy related.

if not I'm going to have to train myself to say nice things again and stop being such a grump.

Shewhowines - I feel a bit like you, I can't be arsed to make such an effort anymore with people, but isn't this sad? On a good day, I feel really chipper, and (very) occasionally think "ooh, I wonder who i'll meet today/at this party", but mostly I need people less. I guess needing people less is good though? Makes us more choosy?

ARealDame - Thanks, glad this post came at a good time for you When you say "free yourself some more", what exactly do you mean?

agree with YouStayClassySandiego.

you get more confident with age and less able or willing to out up with bull shit.

Compos you are 33!!! most defiantly not middle aged bloody hell!!!!

I guess I'm lucky in that I've never had any awful family members I've had to deal with, and only a handful of colleagues. I've got much better at spotting 'difficult' people at a much earlier stage, so that I can keep them at arm's length and never find myself in a situation where I have to 'say it how it is'. Conversely, though, I've also got much better at saying what I think/want in a way that makes it clear I'm immovable but is also non-confrontational. I think that comes with age, practice and confidence. Years ago I used to wait until I'd stoked myself up into righteous indignation, which was far less productive.

pinot perhaps we have both retreated from people in favour of wine, as our names suggest.

I used to be great at small talk and could talk easily to anyone and enjoy it. Now I'd rather watch tv.