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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my Mum being very unreasonable re DD's bday party?

25 replies

SodaFountain · 01/08/2013 11:23

My parents divorced 20 years ago,although it was a mutual parting of ways it was very messy and they don't like each other/speak (there were no 'other parties' involved btw.)

They have both been married divorced since. DM is now single and has been for 3 years. Since 2nd divorce my Dad was with a woman for a yr who DM didn't like (she was very nice) and made a (private) fuss whenever said woman came to a family get together.

Dad now has a girlfriend he's been with for about a year, she's also nice, DM has met her and they seemed to get on. DD really likes the new GF's granddaughters and has invited them to her bday party. DM is very upset and doesn't want them or new GF to come and told me so yesterday... She is also upset I invited them and hadn't yet invited her, something which I planned to do but have been run off my feet with DC.

Soooo, I think DM is BU, I am fucking sick of being stuck in the middle of my parents childish animosity, it's DD's party FGS!

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 01/08/2013 11:27

She is BU. I think she's feeling a little pushed out ( not that you are doing it) and the "other side" of your family offer more fun.

Give her a hug and tell her to stop bring daft and your DD wants her at the party and it will be lovely fun.

If she still has her mardy pants on tell her that for the sake of your DD you make the best out of your family situation and she needs to frame up.

Crinkle77 · 01/08/2013 11:28

yanbu your parents divorced 20 years ago. she needs to get over it.

bragmatic · 01/08/2013 11:28

Yes she is being unreasonable. I feel your pain. Been there, done that. Ugh.

shaggyrogers · 01/08/2013 11:28

Your mum is BU. It's your dd's party so it is about her and who she wants to invite and not your mum.

mrsjay · 01/08/2013 11:29

she is they have been divorced 2 decades she needs to move on a little it is ok for your daughter to like these kids and have them at her party

NoComet · 01/08/2013 11:30

Your parents divorced 20 years ago and she is still making a fuss and now trying to control who your DD is freinds with, she is being VVU.

If she prefers to be invited separately to your father and his DPs and there families thats fine, but if she chooses to come to whole family events she should shut up.

BeaWheesht · 01/08/2013 11:32

She is being unreasonable about it but she's feeling hurt I think.

I can see why she's upset about being invited after the GF though. I think is be gentle with her and say you hadn't invited her officially because you just didn't think you'd need to given that she's such an important part of dc's lives and dd would be upset if she wasn't there.

Original poster

SodaFountain · 01/08/2013 11:32

I feel she is putting me in a very awkward situation and I find her POV very difficult to understand, she doesn't even like my dad!

OP posts:

wishingchair · 01/08/2013 11:33

Yep - she's being VU. She's been married and divorced since. She needs to get over it and keep her mouth shut. Just say that you and DD would love everyone to be together and you really don't want your DD to find herself stuck in the middle like you have for the last 20 years, so please grin and bear it. Hopefully then she'll also get the message that you've found it hard and perhaps she'll realise she's really not being fair.

ClartyCarol · 01/08/2013 11:35

I agree with BeaW.

My parents have been divorced over thirty years and still can't be in the same room (though to be fair to my dad it's not him with the problem).

Bloody ridiculous isn't it.

ENormaSnob · 01/08/2013 11:39

Shes being utterly ridiculous.

Maybe she should be reminded that the world doesnt revolve around her.

HandsomeEddy · 01/08/2013 11:40

Your DM is BVU and just plain ridiculous.
Did your DM's sencond husband never come to any family events?
Tell her tough and then ignore her.

GhostsInSnow · 01/08/2013 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhostsInSnow · 01/08/2013 11:54

Reported my above post...wrong thread! Thats what comes of having 2 MN windows open..

Pancakeflipper · 01/08/2013 12:01

Don't wish to laugh Charlie especially at the sad Sam dog story but I was doing alot of "ehhhhhs?"

GhostsInSnow · 01/08/2013 12:07

LMAO in my defence pancake I'm ill with an ear infection, I've managed to pour milk in my juice glass and juice in my alpen this morning, I signed a text to MIL with 'Love You' and I can't even post to the right thread....
I was aiming for This One

I think I'll just go back to bed.

PeterParkerSays · 01/08/2013 12:18

You invited children first because it's important that they save the date and don't go to another party instead. Your mother presumable knows the date of DDs' birthday so doesn't need this early reminder, so she gets invited later. And acts like a grown up.

Beastofburden · 01/08/2013 12:46

Lol at poor Charlie, get well soon.

I am not used to the idea that adults come to a child's birthday party. I can see why the GF needs to drop the GC off, but can't she and other adults then just go away and come back at the end?

Move the party to a swimming pool, that will put her off coming...

Original poster

SodaFountain · 01/08/2013 14:15

I'm going to explain that this rubbish stops with my brother and I and will not be passed onto our DC to deal with. They have caused enough trouble and given that it was 20 years ago should both have dealt with it by now, if not perhaps try therapy but leave everyone else out of it.

OP posts:

DoJo · 01/08/2013 15:27

I think that the way you are approaching it is healthy- I'm not one for believing that parents should stay together for the sake of the kids, but any divorce affects the children as well, so for her to try and get her grandchildren involved in the demise of her relationship is particularly petty and pathetic.

Original poster

SodaFountain · 01/08/2013 15:54

Thank you for the support everyone, she's usually extremely level headed which makes it even stranger. I have so much going on at the moment which she is fully aware of, which make sit even more unfair. Does anyone thin she may have a point?

OP posts:

wishingchair · 01/08/2013 16:02

No. She doesn't have a point. And if you've other stuff going on, then even more so. She needs to engage brain before talking

mrsjay · 01/08/2013 16:27

soda she perhaps doesn't want her grandchildren liking the girlfriends family therefore her grandchildren having other people in their lives, which is daft I dont think this is about her hating your dad it is about you and your children liking the girlfriend and her family she is jealous IMO

Squitten · 01/08/2013 16:35

My MIL is very similar. Still very bitter about the divorce. I don't allow it to affect our events though. We invite everyone, always, and they can bloody well behave themselves of they'll be asked to leave.

mrsjay · 01/08/2013 16:38

I never knew mY fil they had been seperated since dh was 5 I met him when we were 18 MIl refused to divorce him yet hated him they got divorced when dh was 25 even she was very ill in hospital she was mentioning him she was bitter to the last I could never understand how she couldn't or wouldn't let it ho

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