AIBU to just want to go to sleep and not wake up?

[LatelyOfShalott]

I am aware this sounds really bad and I am not suggesting I will do anything to take my own life, but I would very much like to not be around for more than a couple more years; maybe when I hit 50.

My DCs are both over 18 and by then I will have been alone for 15 years and not had a date for over 10 years. This might sound defeatist but I have been an LP for 13 years already and not had a proper date for 7 so going on last form nothing is likely to change in the next couple of years.

I have had enough of the responsibility, the lack of support, the struggling with money and the lack of feeling valued and wanted. I am not sad about all this, nor do I particularly feel sorry for myself...I would just like to know it will all end. The thought of another 30 odd years like this fills me with a sense of hopelessness, and of a life wasted. The is no real point to my living once my kids are settled.

I am not religious but feel that my using precious resources that could be better employed on others far more worthy, proves that there is no just deity; I could get with my life being a punishment if I knew I have done something really bad, but often the nastier people live better lives.

I am not depressed as I get up everyday and do the household chores, go to work, and also am generally well-dressed and made-up for the world. I have had depression and i know this isn't it. This really is a genuine feeling that it would just be lovely to go to sleep one day and never wake up. Is that an unreasonable thought?

Yes YABU! You are a valuable human being whose life undoubtedly means the world to the children that you have raised and to the rest of your family and friends!

I can imagine that you feel this way because the bulk of your recent life has been devoted to raising your children on your own and you have let your own interests and aspirations fall by the wayside. Now that they are coming close to flying the coop, it is dawning on you how much you have neglected yourself in the process.

Try to think of your childrens' independance as an opportunity to take back your own life and be a bit selfish for a change. Spend some time thinking about what it is that you would like to do and would make you happy and try to take some pigeon steps towards what YOU want!

YABU.....and wallowing.

With all the will on the world, the only one who can change your life is you. Why won't you have a date for the next 2 years....what about all these dating sites, join some of them and you can have dates coming out your ears.

Why is there no point living once your kids are settled??? What about you being settled?? Don't be a martyr, put yourself first and start living now.

Don't wait for things to happen to you....MAKE them happen - this is not a dress rehearsal.

I am sorry that you're feeling like this.

One thing I will say is that your children will still need you even when they are adults; the relationship changes of course but there is still a bond there. I am sure they would be devastated if they knew how you felt.

Take all this sadness and world-weary feeling and channel it into changing your life. Your kids are grown, you have no husband tying you down to any one place. Go travelling! Do something wild that is ALL about you. There has never been a better time in your life to live for yourself.

Only you have the power to change your life, and there really is no reason you couldn't do it. Every time you say "yeah, but..." to yourself, give yourself a virtual slap.

Is there somewhere in the world you've always wanted to visit? A hobby you've always wished to try?

Can you do some volunteering? You might meet people and find a purpose. You do sound depressed. What about re training? You are too young to have given up, you shouldn't feel powerless, with the kids growing up you have time to do things you want to do, you need to find something to excite you. I second the dating websites, it could be fun at least?

I have been on dating sites for the past 5 years and only ever met around 4 guys and none for a date, only an initial meeting.

I sadly don't have the money to travel as I just don't earn enough to make this viable: and I have a professional job in education but with a mortgage etc, and trying to help my kids financially where I can, there is little left. Plus holidaying alone isn't that great. City breaks are fine but touring isn't so good. Working holidays are an option in the future though so thanks for that.

I am not wallowing. I am trying to meet people and sort out a post child life but nothing seems to pan out. I really have no idea what I am doing working. Next month I am going to join a gym, but last time I did that no one spoke to me so this is more for getting fit rather than being social.

I realise my kids may need me but they have their dad and step-mum, and currently grandparents. I would never take my life as this would hurt them far too much, but it seems such a lovely thought just not to be around anymore.

Some gyms have socials you can attend, make sure you get one that has that. Sorry to hear re the dating sites. There isn't any course you'd like to do? Just because you have a good job, you could still get further in that surely? just can't imagine you couldn't find a hobby or a course to get excited about. It does sound to me like you should visit the doctor, you don't like you have any self confidence or enthusiasm. you can try making the first move in talking to people, some will think you're odd but more won't.

Next month I am going to join a gym, but last time I did that no one spoke to me so this is more for getting fit rather than being social

Did you make any effort to talk to them? I go to the gym every day and I have met loads of people and made some nice new friends....if you tend to stick to the same classes/times etc you get to know the regulars and unless you are giving out negative vibes you will get talking to people. Just get chatting, sometime ask if anyone wants a coffee after and gently eek your way in.

I have to say, a holiday alone sounds like heaven to me :)